Brutal visiting nurse; Any advice?

If hubby can be in a wheel chair, you may be able to find a Yellow Taxi that is Wheel Chair accessible. Look up in your area. I have made contact with my driver years ago, and use him exclusively to transport my aunt. He is wonderful. His van is just big enough to fit us in it. He is punctual, personable, polite. Find a transport person who has all the qualities you need and want.

This has nothing to do about the nursing skills etc, but my friend's hubby had to go out of town to take care of his dad. While he was away, my friend realized the trash cans never got out. That was when she realized there is no such thing as a "Trash Fairy". Her trash magically disappeared on those magical days until her hubby was out of town :-)

Glad you spoke up and found a nurse to suit your family.

Ask his primary physician for Hospice consult, or palliative care consult. And DO TELL THEM THAT THE NURSE IS NOT A GOOD FIT FOR YOUR FAMILY. Can you Please send someone else?

Do NOt Feel bad about asking for someone else. Yes, you may get someone who is less compassionate, but it may be worth a try to find a person who is willing to try to understand your circumstances.

Ok, good Ahmijoy, you can stop cleaning now. Everyone needs a break, now and then.

Are they sending out a NP? Because really, an RN cannot order prescriptions. Wish I could have been a fly on that wall.

I wonder who else she harrassed and didn't report her. Always remember, they are coming into ur home.

When Mom had PT here they wanted to come at 8:30 am. Neither me or Mom were up that early. And I let her sleep. I told them that 10am would be better. I had to get her up, dressed and fed before they came. DH thought I should do it their way. Nope, my house. What is convenient for me.

Hoping your hubs is doing better, now that you are relieved, and help is on the way?

So glad to hear this, Ahmijoy! Also, thank you for advising the agency and hopefully preventing "Nurse Ratched" from bullying other overworked spouses and family members just trying to take care of their loved ones as best they can. You did good!

Good news!

Great job standing up for you and hubby. He deserves to be treated when a med professional is called in without you being torn down.

Update to Brutal Visiting Nurse vent of mine:

I took the advice of all of you who had my best interests at heart and called the Home Health Agency. I was very polite and respectful but told this nurse’s supervisor that we had to make a change and why. She was shocked when I shared with her that the nurse had told us she’d been reported previously for her attitude. There was no hesitation on her part to assign us another nurse. She apologized profusely.

I cant even adequately describe the relief I feel. I will, of course, continue cleaning the house. Grandsons are coming over tomorrow to help me shovel out the garage.

Thank you to everyone who posted support and advice. Once again, you’ve come through for me. Love y’all!

Ok Ahmijoy, what happen with the Nurse.

I'm sure you'd love for your house to be magically cleaned while you are away...doesn't work that way, does it?

We raised our BIG family in a tiny house. I mean, we were on top of each all the time. It just never was a good time to upsize...but we did the best we could. Everyday my house was clean for about 30 minutes and then the kids came home....my MIL used to come visit and she'd perch on the edge of the sofa with this disgusted look on her face.

No matter how much or how hard I cleaned, 7 people living in a 1700 sf home--there simply is not room.

One day after all the kids were grown and gone..Dh got home from work before I did and commented to me over dinner that he had finally realized that *I* wasn't the problem--it was the simple fact we had too many people in too small a space. By no means am I a hoarder, but let things go for one day and it will look like we've been invaded by aliens. Dh is a messy creature, for sure. I am sick to death of cleaning. But it has to be done.

The only person who EVER gave me crap about not having an immaculate home was my MIL and I would just sit there and steam about it.

And my 'me' time is usually spent on this site or roaming the internet.

Sounds like you must get a different visiting nurse. ASAP. She's not helping dh at all!

Ahmijoy, how did it come up that she mentioned she's been reported before for getting in her clients' faces/up their noses?

I'm just wondering if maybe although she means to be helpful she comes across as a bully and is, in part of her mind, aware of this. Have you told her she really isn't helping? She's a nurse, she's not a lifestyle adviser, and although obviously you have to see your patient in context it certainly isn't for her to tell you whether you should go out to work. For heaven's sake.

Really, I am sitting here looking at the dust I haven't got to. Think I may have a Summer cold and took Musinex DM. Nothing on the box says it makes you drowsie. Just looked it up and it does. Having a hard time keeping my eyes open. Waiting for it to get out of my system.

I know when I used to shower Mom, I was no good for a half hour. I can't imagine having to clean up a large man (u have said he is big, right.) and changing a bed everyday. I am 69 and find I do not have the energy level I had in my 30s. I worked, had a child and NH and a 4 level split. No kids, same old DH but lucky if I can get one room cleaned completely and go on to another.

Ahmijoy, you don NOT need to keep defending and explaining yourself or the reasons for anything here, not to us and certainly not to her. I know very well how out of hand the house can get when there is a significant medical crisis or illness in the house, I imagine most of us can. "A good friend" of mine one I had more than supported through some terrible stuff, said she would come help when I was unable to get out of bed while they were trying to figure out what was wrong with me (I had been getting worse for a while, Lyme), I actually trusted and t=reached out to her for help not an easy thing for me but instead of coming over to pick up the house and maybe make dinner she called the police to do a courtesy check on me because the Christmas tree was still up in Feb. I wasn't able to get out of bed and walk to the bathroom without using the wall and she send's the police over. I had been a dispatcher at the police department and a member of the town ambulance squad so knew the officer well which made it more embarrassing to struggle to get to the door in my bathrobe and let them in the house (he was training a newer officer) but also better I guess since he was as apologetic as he could be and only stepped foot in the door to do what he had to "check on me" knowing that I was obviously very sick but "safe". The house was a wreck and I had 5th grader in the house but they don't care and have no business in what kind of housekeeper you are or how long it takes you to get the tree down, it takes a whole lot for officials to deem living conditions unsafe or unhealthy, remember if they do that they then need to rectify things, find a place for DH, you and the animals and that costs money not that this is the primary thing in their minds. Most visiting nurses are very accustomed to various homes in various states of array and work hard to put their clients at ease about the state of their homes because it's so very common in their line of work for homes to be less "kept" than they might normally be. The house should take a back seat to the patient and the caregiver and a good nurse wouldn't want you feeling guilty about it.

Now, I'll get off that high horse I'm just so frustrated by the way you are being treated. I would encourage you to call and demand a different nurse now, I understand and appreciate your instinct to give her a fair shake but you have and she has not done the same in return, she and her agency are paid buy your insurance therefore she works for you and you do not need to be paying someone who is accomplishing the opposite of helping you. If the agency isn't able or willing to accommodate you get another agency. Just because this is the one you were set up with by the doctors office doesn't mean you have to use them, the doctors office should have multiple agency's they "work with" and they should be made aware that there is a problem with this one so the next over taxed wife isn't put through the same thing.

A good nurse is irreplaceable, decent nurses are interchangeable and a nurse like this needs to be cut out of your life, no worries, no guilt. They work for you, you have been paying for insurance one way or the other for years to pay for this service. On top of that having this added tenseness and your discomfort in the house is not helping and might be hurting DH recovery. I urge you to call now and have someone else come out this week test results and all. It doesn't matter if this nurse is exactly right in fact her approach just doesn't work for you and that's ok, yours and your husbands comfort and trust are key here.

Instead of quitting your job, perhaps spending less time online and more on cleaning up your place is something to consider. It's very easy to be here and an awful lot of time can go by with this activity. Help yourself first so you don't have to go online and defend your situation.

Thank you, all, for your support and great advice. As a child care worker, I am a mandated reporter myself, so I know this nurse has an obligation to report unsafe conditions. Our home is not unsafe in the true sense of the word. Hubby is clean, his bedding is changed daily, he is fed healthy foods and he is alert and as content as he can be. Shane, I totally understand what you’re saying about the roaches. That is definitely not my house. I know there is room for improvement in my house and I have told her this. I’m not denying that. It’s more her approach than anything else. You don’t get people to do what you think needs to be done by browbeating them. And certainly not threatening them. From working with young children, I know that positive reinforcement works much better than speaking down to them in such a superior tone as she has to us.

As I said, bottom line is that nothing has been done for my husband. And, this was the #1 reason I asked for help. I understand that she can not diagnose or prescribe meds. But, this agency must be in touch with a medical professional who can.

I am waiting for her visit on Wednesday. His blood tests and x-rays should have been looked at by then and hopefully she will have contacted whomever she needs to and will have some recommendations beyond washing dishes and windows.

I’m a RN and I would get another nurse to come ,,call the agency and get rid of her ..tell them to send someone else ,,,she’s a mean sprinted person and you don’t need that bologna in your life now ,,I’d get rid of her so quick her head would spin ,,she sounds nasty ,,,keep us posted on how you and your husband is doing ,,and until she starts paying your bills she better keep her opinions to herself ,,,get rid of her

Have antibiotics been prescribed yet?

Nurses do not diagnose conditions. Only MD’s, CRNP’s & PA’s can do that. So if you want him diagnosed that nurse can’t do it.

I was a visiting nurse and have seen many a cluttered home but it isn’t (wasn’t)my place to criticize. I just worked around it. Some homes didn’t even have soap for me to wash my hands (we brought our own just in case).

Its her duty to report if he home is so cluttered it’s a safety hazard but dishes in the sink and dog & cat hair on carpets did not constitute a true safety hazard.

If you feel he is not improving, then call 911and send him to the ER. You are in a difficult spot here due to his bed bound status & you are the one in control of whether he gets diagnosed correctly. This nurse can’t do an X-ray, all she can do is draw labs, listen to his lungs but even she can’t write an order for antibiotics but if she submitted sputum and blood cultures (which I hope she did) they will call hubby’s PCP for an antibiotic prescription once or if something grows. In your husband’s case I would try an antibiotic, an inhaler, Mucinex (plain old Mucinex not the”D” if he’s on BP meds). Get him breathing deeply 10x per hour so he doesn’t develop pneumonia. For a temperature, Tylenol.

There were plenty of cases where a visiting nurse is ordered specifically to assess the patient in their home and perform a safety inspection.

I only reported one household to CPS when the home of this particular patient was absolutely overrun with roaches - and I mean everywhere. I wouldn’t even bring my VNA bag in and when I knew I was going there I made a baggie of supplies and took only what I needed for the visit.

I called CPS when I made a visit later in the day and saw a 8 y/o coming in from school to a roach infested home.
I had to call. A child can’t be safe in that environment.

I would be soooooo tempted to say, "since your visits as a nurse seem to be pointless, how about we see if you do dishes better than you nurse."

My mom's house is a true health hazard and I was not so politely informed that she can live any way she chooses, period. Was there any other concern?

I would contact her boss and find out what is happening with treatment for your husband. Being bed bound with a persistent cough is dangerous. Is she writing up that it is a dog hair reaction and not the truth?

If you wanted to be special sporty because she is being inappropriate again, you could have her come in the kitchen and grab a dirty cup out of the sink and turn to her and offer to fix her a cup of tea. I have a tough time letting anyone get in my face in my home about something that is not their business in the least. My snarky side shows it's face.

You do not have to accept her belittling behavior at all. She really needs to be reported that she is not being a resource for medical treatment for your husband, 1 day is to long to not address this lingering cough. You have the strength to get better care and treatment, it doesn't have to get ugly, you can very calmly thank her for her observation and ask what she is going to do to treat your husband.

(My mom is the 1st person to criticize someone else's housekeeping, this is a person that sprays fabreze on dog poop instead of picking it up. So, I always wonder if someone is critical of someone else's house. Hmmm, pig sty?)

Brutal, yes, I agree.

She is intrusive, and has caused you a set back.

She has had too many chances, stand at the door, do not allow her to set foot in your home again.

Of course, you will call to make sure they send someone else.

May I ask, how it is you have allowed yourself to be intimidated by someone so blatantly wrong? This is so unlike you......from reading your posts all these years, you are a strong woman Ahmijoy.

As a nurse, my job is to care for my patient and not tell them how to take care of their own business. You can ask for an entire different agency and if his cough is no better On Monday I would get someone to see him then. Don't be bullied by this nurse.

I'm so sorry Ahmijoy~
We too,had some awful nurses through the 3 and a half years that Mother was on Hospice and it just made a hard time even harder.
I had one that fell asleep at our table when she was going over Mother's medicines and another one that said she hated our cats and the last one we ever had,Mother and I dreaded her every visit.She looked for & created problems instead of helping to fix them and tried to stir up trouble.Neither Mother or I deserved her treatment so there was no choice but to call and ask for a different nurse again.
It bothered me to call and ask for another nurse,but it was even worse dealing with the ones we had.

I was a secretary for a Visiting Nurse Assoc. We had a Nurse that had been complained about by a few clients. This is what my Boss said. Our Nurses went in peoples homes. Its THEIR home. Your job is to see to the client not to tell them what they should be doing.

This Nurse is out of line. She is not APS or the Health Dept. Her job is to come in and care for your husband. Put in a complaint and request she not be sent back to ur home.

Hang in there.
Isn't it a strange thing that she told you that she has been reported /in trouble before? Weird thing to be telling a patient and his caregiver. Kind of like the surgeon with the scalpel in his hand.... Saying.... Oh, by the way, I am being sued for malpractice because I killed someone..... Ready? Let's begin! Lol.
I would be tempted to put a large sign on my front door....
If you came to see me, come on in!
If you came to see my house, make an appointment!

I know you are doing the best you can. And that is the first thing I would tell her when she begins to harp on your house. And under my breath.... Geee! I wish you paid as much attention to your *patients* as you do the organization (or lack thereof) of my house!

Hope you giggled at least once.
Hugs.
Sparkles

Who is important here, your husband, you or the FRIGGIN butt supposed nurse and her employer.

Tall your doctor about it, report the agency to the board.
1. Unless the conditions of your home are causing health issues and can be proved, non of her business
2. Report her to the agency
3. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO ACCEPT THE AGENCY REFERRED TO YOU
4. What Medicare/Medicaid plan covers your husband
5. Is this a State agency? They're only there to take your money/property, trust me

TAKE CONTROL BEFORE THE STATE DOES

I’m not sure why you ‘hesitate to call and ask for someone else’. It might be better to make it about the cough assistance that hasn’t turned up, rather than her personal behaviour. Personal comments just prompt personal comments in return, and you don’t want to get more criticisms. Say you feel terrified, that’s about you not her.

PS I hope that this was a question, not just a need to vent that shouldn't get annoying suggestions in return. You have every reason to vent, and you have my sympathy. Some people should never get that little bit of power that makes them feel able to boss other vulnerable people around.

I feel for you Ahmijoy. I hate how some people pre-judge and aren't afraid to show that they feel that they are better than you, I hope karma bites her in the a** one day.
I don't suppose it would help to complain and request someone else?