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Dad is 92, can barely hear, can't walk far, and definitely has cognitive issues (per doctor). He is currently living in CA with my brother but he loves his house back in Michigan and won't give us permission to sell it or even start cleaning it out. He thinks he's going back but he hasn't been back in 2 years and it's a tri-level, in a rural area where he would have to drive. There is no family there...we are all on the West Coast. Now with Covid I have nothing on my plate and feel I could drive to MI and shelter in place there, going through stuff and getting it ready to sell. My sibs agree it should be sold but not if dad says no. THEY aren't the ones taking responsibility for ensuring lawn care happens and asking favors of neighbors... for whatever reason they leave it to me. I have the time to do it this summer. I have POA and also am trustee of his trust and deal with all his bills and he never asks anything about it. He would never know if I did sell or at least clear out the garage and basement which are worthy of a Hoarders show. I'm feeling really guilty but my time is also valuable and usually in the summer we travel and who wants to deal with this in Michigan winter? It's not his principal residence anymore and if it isn't sold by Dec 2021 he will have capital gains. It may take two summers to clear it out (90 years of stuff, seriously). Has anyone just done this and not told their parent or even their sibs (because they will end up telling him). He still has a huge temper and they are afraid of his wrath and would rather I take on the blame I think. By the way, before this he was only living there for 1/2 the year anyway for the last 12 years... always saying he would sell it "soon".. it was too overwhelming for him and it's going to be really overwhelming for me too.

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Make the goal to get it sold by August, 2021.
use the capital gains as the rationale as to why and then do a quick costs to keep (add on like 20% for inflation and make sure all costs, like repairs, yard, winterizing, insurances) as well, so that financially it costs big time to keep. Legally it sounds like you can do whatever, I’d just go ahead and keep it on the down low. Folks are gonna be pissed & second guess you no matter what, right? Ignore the drama.

If your not billing the trust MIE (Mileage and incidental expenses), I’d start doing that..... but not actually billing the Trust. You hold that lil missive back and if you get blowback, it’s more $$$ that non-decision making is gonna cost dad and the heirs. MIE kinda gives you leverage, Comprende?

Also next August, gives you a Basically a year, which imho Covid concerns will be lessened, and better position to actually get a property sold. You put it on the market next spring, so it shows when weather is best. Then if not sold by July drop price (motivated seller). Really a Realtor will be invaluable for you thru this.

Also when you’re there this summer, I wouldn’t take this on all by myself. I’d speak with either Realtors or if you have any old friends there, as to finding a duo to help get the place “market ready”. Place is huge so plenty of social distancing possible. There might be stuff buried in rooms that actually could work to have it staged “rustic” to sell. There are folks that are pros at staging and editing a house filled to the rafters in short time frame.
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jacobsonbob May 2020
If stuff has been sitting there so many years, there may also be collectibles there that could be sold on eBay or elsewhere.
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I would at least start cleaning it out and when I was done, I would probably sell it too. I would _not_ tell Dad what was going on with the house; I might not tell the sibs either unless you believe one or more might be interested in purchasing the house at fair market value. Clean up the yard and landscaping and take a nice photo for your father (and maybe some interior pics too), when you visit tell him truthfully "I took this/these the last time I was there".

Unoccupied houses seldom maintain value and often develop major repair/maintenance issues or are vandalized. There are usually problems with insurance too. Occasionally these days, empty houses end up with squatters that must be evicted. Paying taxes, insurance, and maintenance fees on a house your father will never be able to live in again does not make financial sense. If your father is having cognitive issues, I believe the POA needs to act in the father's best interest and sale this house while it can bring market value. That might not be until the economy recovers from CV (although I understand some rural homes are selling well as people want to get out of the cities), but you can at least get started with the cleanup.
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My heart goes out to you.

We have a similar situation. Dad has hoarded for years. Unfortunately he can still get to the house, which is in a trust, and he notices if anything is out of place.

My brother and I are the remainder men to the trust. I would like to tackle some of the mess, my brother does not want to rock the boat.

The property is on an island with no garbage pick up, so we have to pay big bucks or rent trucks to have the garbage removed.

If I were you, I would go ahead, drive cross county and start the clean up process.
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kdcm1011 May 2020
I agree with all you said here.
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It sounds as though you have answered your own question. If you have POA, then go for the summer and take your time cleaning, sorting, donating and selling. Get a large roll off dumpster, have a garage sale every Saturday, tell the customers to come back every Saturday as you will have new items.

Vacant homes attract trouble. As you remove the clutter and hoard, you will probably find some deferred maintainance issues. Having the luxury of time to roll through this huge project beats the urgency and rush of having to do it in a hurry. As POA you have been chosen for your ability to manage for the best interest of your Dad. Cleaning up his house is most likely not on your siblings list of things they are wanting to do.

Hire a local high school student or retired friend to help you stage your garage sale and enjoy the memories.
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We had the very same dilemma - my sister was having to do the upkeep, in addition to her own house. Ultimately, it took two things - my sister told her she couldn't do the extra work any more and my husband told her that she was risking frozen pipes (NY), leaking roof and other items while she was living elsewhere. He told her the house value would decrease as more items needed work. What I wish we'd done when we cleaned out the house was rent a dumpster to make it easier.
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You are the POA, your decision. Seems like because ur the POA, u get the responsibility anyway. Any money being used to keep it up could go to his future care.

Be aware, if you think that Medicaid will be needed within five years, it has to be sold at Market Value. Do not depend on a realtor to know the rules. I wanted Moms assessed. Realtor said she could do comparables. An assessor will give you a better idea. I would sell it "as is" and make sure the assessor knows that. Put it up for sale now. It could take a while.

Yes, go clean it out. My Mom had a 4 bedroom farmhouse she lived in for 60 years. She didn't just have her stuff, she had some of my brothers and my deceased sisters. Better to work room by room. First, though, get rid of clothes he will never wear. Then the junk. I bought storage boxes with lids and put each siblings name on a box. As I found pictures and things I thought they would want, I thru it in their box. I doubt if any of them will drive to Mich. to get furniture so sell it or give it to a thrift shop. Now you should be getting down to the good stuff. Make a list, see if anyone wants anything in particular, if not, sell or donate. Lots of Church yardsales going on in the Summer. I did this pretty much by myself. Husband helped with the heavy stuff. SIL came and took what she wanted. My girlfriend belongs to a couple of groups and cooks/bakes for them so she got all Moms baking dishes. I really enjoy cleaning out.
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I was in your exact situation. I took care of upkeep and bills on an empty house from afar for months, and ultimately argued with dad over every decision as I wanted him to feel like he was in control and making his own decisions. Ultimately it made me resentful. I put in a ton of time and effort in a futile attempt to do what dad wished which was not practical or even possible. I didn’t follow my own advice— “act now and apologize later.” As well, read up on this site about the utility of white lies. You are just heading out there to check up on the place, right?!
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I'm curious about the capital gain issue, since it's not the principal residence any more. Are you thinking it would be treated not as your father's principal residence, and therefore subject to a different rate of gain when sold? What about step-up value on sale?

As to your other questions, lots of good comments, on which I'd like to add some thoughts.

1. You can start cleaning it up & preparing it for sale, boxing up, indexing contents in case your father wants something. If you use a spreadsheet, you can easily search for anything, also making it easier to locate something he might think he needs (acknowledging that potential).

If he does agree to sell, or at such other appropriate time, your work is already done for you, and you'll avoid the stress of selling at a more challenging time. Yet you haven't defied his wishes.

2. Hire a cleanout company, but do your homework. The 1-800 junk removers are different than a real cleanout company. The one I hired is Veteran owned, with workers who really know how to dismantle things that can't be disposed of w/o doing so. They're in E. Michigan.

3. Determine if there are any haz-mat items, which in our area includes cans with gas, oil, and similar type substances.

A flexible junk removal company may take these items for you, as it's often hard, for example, to get a propane gas container in a car all by yourself (it is for me).

4. If there are vehicles, lawn equipment, dilapidated structures such as sheds, those require a different approach. I hired a demolition company for one. It was costly, but safer.

5. Something I learned through realtors. Some may offer suggestions or specific references on companies, but there may be a caveat. One of the 5 realtors with whom I spoke was glad to suggest someone for a particularly challenging removal item, but ONLY if I agreed to specifically retain him as my realtor. He didn't get my business.

If you do hire contractors, make sure to get a copy of their insurance certificates. When dealing with clean-outs, it's easy for someone to be injured, especially if there are very heavy items.

6. If the house isn't subject to vacant house insurance, you'll need to have that, but it doesn't cover water damage, such as that from broken pipes. Companies that provide this kind of insurance are limited. In Michigan, Foremost is one that does.

If there are weapons in the house, they won't be covered by a policy unless they're in a gun safe.

7. Commenting on Mincemeat's suggestion, unless you're actually staying in the house, be careful about having sales and avoid responding to inquiries on whether or not the house is vacant. I learned to twist the truth and avoid that issue, as I soon learned that not only the neighbors but someone who drove by wanted certain things.

In one case, a woman came over to dig up plants, w/o even determining first if the house was for sale. And whether or not I lived there or if the house was vacant was ALWAYS asked by contractors, potential buyers and more.

8. Whatever you do (and you may already have taken care of this), have the water turned off by the city/township for the winter to avoid frozen pipes. It cost $30 for me to have the township do this, and will cost another $30 to turn the water back on. But that's far less than the damage of broken pipes and a flooded basement.

9. I was told by a trust accountant that the IRS requires assessment of a house's value w/i a certain period of time after death, and it has to be done by a qualified assessor, not "just" a real estate agent. I don't know if this applies to any sale now, or just those of houses held in trust.
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disgustedtoo May 2020
Save any receipts and copies of payments for any work done and materials - they can ALL be used to help reduce the cap gains.

We could have avoided a lot of the cap gains, if we had waited until mom passed (she's still going) due to it being a life estate (a type of trust.) Problem was between RE taxes, condo fees and utilities, a lot of $$ going out the door for no good reason! Kind of negates any gain we might have gotten!

Meanwhile, I got most of the trekking/doing, and it sucked down over a year and a half of my life! The timing was actually great - not only did it sell quickly (55+ only, none others really on the market in that area), but we had a mini-bidding war and got more than we asked for it!
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I agree with everyone who says you should start NOW getting his home ready to sell but before you take that step to sell it please check with an attorney. When I sold my dad's home I had power of attorney, and luckily he had grudgingly agreed to the need to sell. I signed the paperwork with the realtor, etc and we got all the way to settlement when suddenly they wanted HIS signature on the final paperwork. I was again lucky that he was willing to sign. I can't imagine the issues had he suddenly changed his mind (which was always a concern.) I don't know why they wanted him to sign, or if it was just one of the whims of the settlement attorney, but in your situation, where you would be selling the house without his consent I'd be concerned. You can be in legal trouble if someone declared that you were not acting in your father's best interest i.e., his stated desire to NOT sell his house. Unless you could show that you HAD to sell the house for financial reasons. In that situation, it would be hard to make the case that it was in your father's best interests just because he wouldn't be using it anymore.

To get my dad to agree to sell the house I had to use the idea that he was being unfair to a new family who could enjoy the house and that since he wasn't living in it it would deteriorate and would be eventually bought by people who would have to tear it down and build a new house on his lot. He loved his house and the idea that it would be torn down unless he sold NOW was very compelling to him. Luckily the buyer was a young couple that he knew.
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disgustedtoo May 2020
"...wanted HIS signature on the final paperwork."

Pretty much what we encountered (posted in reply to another comment.) EC attorney said I could sign everything else as POA, but NOT the deed. As my comment says, I find that ridiculous - I can't sign as her legit POA, but she, with dementia, no clue and had already forgotten the condo, was "okay" to sign... at least we could do this with notary at the MC facility - if we had to bring her to closing... eeeech!
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I agree with Igloo. Make it financially unfeasible to keep.

One addition, if the home is empty your homeowners insurance will not cover a loss. It is really expensive to get insurance for an empty property. However, as we all know insurance is cheaper than a loss, but you are looking at 3 or 4k annually for empty house coverage and it doesn't cover a lot of issues.

Have fun getting it cleared out and ready for sale.
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disgustedtoo May 2020
We found out that mom's insurance would not cover the place uninhabited. We checked around and some of the rates were ridiculous! The was even more true as there is a "MASTER" policy that will restore the place to it's original state if a major issue happened. Mainly we needed to cover contents, liability and the new $5000 exclusion (you had to cover that first 5K.) Given that the contents weren't worth much and were soon to be removed, donated, thrown away, etc, I didn't care about that!

I did find out that I could get a policy from the same insurance that provided the Master policy and it wasn't bad - not much more than the original insurance (so more than likely she was overpaying all those years, for coverage she didn't really need!) It wouldn't cover any "improvements", such as replacing the original carpeting with HW floors, but the plan was to get rid of it ASAP! If it came down to it, put the damn carpeting in! Mom's not going back.

So, for anyone else out there who has an unoccupied condo - you'll need that special policy and should check to see if there is a Master and what it covers. You could also ask them if they would offer the owner policy to cover the rest.
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I would get a real estate attorney who is local to the area in Michigan on board now with the first question being do you as POA have authority to sign the papers at closing of a sale or not. If you do have authority, hire a realtor who knows the area well and start cleaning out the house while you have the time. Be prepared to get a big dumpster as donations will be hard to make because of the pandemic.
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disgustedtoo May 2020
Much better to find a local EC atty who might give a free consult (or go back to the place that drafted the POA and trust.) RE people may have no clue. Best to get a legal opinion on this.

Someone else noted the owner had to sign the final document(s) - in our case, mom didn't have to go to closing, but EC atty said I could sign everything else as POA, but NOT the deed (even with dementia involved!)
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Wow, I hadn't considered that I couldn't sell the house (which is in trust and I'm trustee) and also have POA on other stuff. I guess I'll have to ask an attorney about it. Once it's done I sincerely don't think my sibs would make a fuss about me doing it without authority because they THINK I have authority. But whether the title company would recognize that I do is something I didn't know about. I unfortunately know no one in this town as I was grown up elsewhere so I'm on my own as far as helpers. The one doctor that said he couldn't move back won't put it in writing (CA legal reasons I guess) and only says...well if he gets better he can! I'll try again to get that in writing but I don't know if I can. For one thing I don't live in CA (I live 5 hours from them) and it's up to my brother and sister in law to do that for me and they don't lift a finger at my request. As far as the capital gains... you must live in the home for 2 out of 5 years in order to not have a gain on your principal residence. 2019 was the first full year he was in CA so that's the first year, 2020 will be the second year so by end of 2021 it needs to be sold... OR wait until he dies and then we all get step up value. The problem is, he may need that money at some point and houses in Southwestern Michigan take a while to sell. I TOTALLY resent that I now get to spend my summer (summers?) dealing with this as I've offered every year for 12 years and he procrastinated on it and I got zero support from sibs in convincing him.. and now zero support from sibs in doing the work. I will charge mileage for the long drive there... I wish I could charge my damn time! But I can charge for help to do this I guess so maybe I will hire an estate liquidation company to help. The empty house insurance is something that I'm going to have to fess up to with the insurance company I guess. They were very used to his 6 months here and 6 months in CA routine but now I probably should tell the truth... just in case. Frozen pipes have never been an issue in all these 12 years of being gone for the winter so whatever he has set up does seem to be working. I am so dreading this... and feeling very resentful... and guilty too.. I mean, he COULD get better and start asking more about his "stuff". Thanks for all the advice.
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Mincemeat May 2020
I am afraid that in the way of offering you friendly suggestions, some of may have sounded negative. If you feel that "extra weight" from our collective comments, please do not feel that was our intent. Chances are really high that he will never travel back to chastise you for throwing out his gopher trap collection or selling his snow shovels. If you decide to go, try to make it a fun trip down memory lane and throw all guilt out the window as you move forward. Elders do not realize how expecting us to deal with half century old treasure troves can stress us out and eat up a large chunk of our lives.

Call a friend in Dad's hometown and ask for the best title company recommendation. They will look at your trustee and POA paperwork and tell you what you need in that specific county and state to sell your Dad's house. All of our best to you! Keep us posted!
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The problem title companies have with POAs is a "normal" POA acts on or executes the direction of the principal, so if they accept a POA and the principal later says he/she did not authorize the sale, then the title company may end up eating the sale price on the title they guaranteed. A "springing" POA does not even have any authority until the "springing" conditions named in the POA have been met. Documents documenting the "springing" conditions have been met (usually one or more letters from the principal's doctors) are usually enough to satisfy the title company and/or lending company.

Many banks want a POA completed on their own form, which is often impossible when the principal has cognitive issues. Once I had to get a court order for a bank to accept the 14 year old POA signed prior to any cognitive declines. Somehow state judges don't like multi-state businesses to refuse documents properly executed in the form required by the resident's state laws.

The home insurance payments are most likely money down the drain as the insurance company can decline to pay any claim as soon as they find out the house has been empty.

You would probably get more traction with his doctor if you provide a copy of the POA for his files and then request a statement verifying incompetency or inability to travel across country so you can sell the house and continue to fund your father's care. Sometimes it helps to have the letter written by an attorney in the doctor's jurisdiction. If the doctor will not respond, then try to get him on the line for a brief conversation where you state this is a final attempt to get what you need before petitioning a judge to order the doctor to provide a statement. If your father has a separate/different healthcare POA, then there's some question whether a DPOA can access medical records.

Good luck!
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Mardys, a comment on estate liquidation companies. My experience is limited, but I share it since it may affect whatever your father has in his house. I wanted an assessment of wordworking tools (radial arm and circular saws, planers, measuring tools, sanders, drills, and more), considering whether to donate (and get a 501(c)(3) donation) or to sell, but I didn't want to hold the sale myself as I knew some men would try to jerk me around and get bottom line prices for quality equipment. And I wasn't that familiar with the saws or capable of evaluating their serviceability.

So I contacted a few estate sale companies; they admitted they had no experience in shop tools, but did want to come out, inventory and price household goods, which I didn't need.

I did find an industrial estate sale company with someone who knew the difference between saws and other tools. He said their company typically doesn't handle any kind of industrial tool or similar estate sale unless the value of the contents was about $15K.

Eventually I found 2 very qualified wood and metal working schools to which I planned to donate the tools.
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marydys May 2020
Great idea... his tools are very very old but I'm sure someone can use them. I'll look and see if I can find such a school. It's hard with the pandemic. I am worried about how to find an estate person to deal correctly with these old (some from a metal workshop) tools
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My FIL agreed to sell their house. They had moved to independent living and he knew they were not ever returning. By then, I had letter from neuropsych to say she was not competent. He still was; it was questionable but I did not have a doctor saying otherwise. We got to the point of signing sale paperwork. The house was part of a trust with each of them agreeing to be each other’s trustee and my husband as the trustee if they could not. The house trust listed her first which had been done in 1957 as a sweet gesture on FIL’s part. Now it meant they wanted her to sign a document to say she no longer wanted to be trustee for FIL. And he had to sign a similar one. No lawyer cared that she was totally mentally incompetent and had no idea what she was signing. And that we had testing and a letter to document that. She did sign it for us even tho it was not legal.

So even as POA for out of state father, he may have to sign. So get house ready to sell and talk to local attorney. It was not our attorney who wanted this, it was the lender for the seller. If it were me, I would get it ready to list and tell him we are selling the house. So what if he has a fit. He knows he is never going back. And it needs to be done and over with for all the reasons.

you could also try to ask him questions about how he sees the future, what does he expect to happen, why is he keeping house. Similar questions to those asked in the wonderful book, Being Mortal by Atul Gawande. That might jar him loose from the position he is stuck in and get him to agree.
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marydys May 2020
Thank you. I talked to my friend from high school who is a general attorney, not specific to real estate though. He recommended the letters but I do fear we'll have to get my dad to sign it in the end for the title company. At that point, he'd probably do what he needs to do...but it's not legal if the doctors say he's not competent. Anyway, this past week he's started saying "sell" then, "not ready" then "no, it's off" then "OK" so who the hell knows what will happen when we actual get an offer probably next year? He could be really senile by then. He can barely sign his name these days as it is, depending on the day...
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Check with the state of Michigan and find out if they have a specific POA for a real estate transaction.

This would be the best way to get this done.

I had to do it in Nevada, even though I have DPOA and it specifically states that I can transact any and all business, including sales of real estate.

I would tell dad that you are learning the forms required to protect him and this is one that you really need to ensure that you can take care of his business.

If this is in a trust and you are the sole Trustee right now, you can sell the house. Read the trust, they usually are very clear what the trustee can do.
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Bring all documents to a real estate attorney. Verify your authority to sale. If you are legally allowed, start the clean up/sale process ASAP with or without siblings.
Remind siblings they will have a place to sleep as they go through stuff and maybe cart away a few treasures. When extending the invitation to visit, make sure they understand you will have the refrigerator well stocked so they won't go hungry.

If they care about their father and their own sanity, they will recognize it's best not to discuss the sale of something he can't leg go of. Their resistance is maybe denial of what's unfolding. Since you are tasked with this nightmare, you haven't a choice but to accept what needs to be done.

Insurance. Tell the agent you are going to clear the house and put it up for sale. All's the agent needs to hear from you is "he is unable to live there anymore" or "my brother is taking care of him in CA now" and/or "he thinks he is returning home but he can not." I would not utter the word "vacant." The agent will realize the place is in fact vacant so you and he/she can discuss the proper insurance policy needed for the property between now and the time you sale.

The insurance company will likely convert to a plan for unoccupied/vacant properties. It's a higher premium, but a cost of business - i.e. selling the house and settling the estate. Insurance deals with these situations routinely.

Dad needs it handled due to his failing health and possible future need for nursing home care. Having the house sold prior to nursing home admission will save a lot of headaches and heartaches in your family. Do your siblings realize he may need sales proceeds to pay for future nursing home care? It's good your brother can take him in short term, but he may not be able to stay with your brother permanently.
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dogparkmomma May 2020
We were really shocked at how expensive vacant house insurance is. I had no idea. But of course it was needed just in case of things like a break in or a burst pipe. I don’t know if the regular homeowners insurance would have covered that as in-laws were in independent living and house was empty for 6 months while we got it ready to sell.
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You’ll get plenty of answers so here’s a short one: siblings put up or shut up. Either they participate or they have no vote. Do what you need to do!
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disgustedtoo May 2020
Agreed, esp if you are the only POA/trustee. If any of them are also, you'll have to force the issue somewhat. One brother wasn't local when we did the whole POA/trust thing initially for mom and dad, so he wasn't set up as POA, only me and YB. When we had to revisit the trust business as mom was heading down the dementia path, OB was here, so he was included in the trust paperwork at the atty place, but was not added as POA (thankful he wasn't!) There was lots of mail back and forth to get all the actual trust setup done, as he was back home.

All too often siblings sometimes don't want to help (until it comes time to split the remains anyway!), disagree with decisions, criticize, complain or worse. I tried to include both brothers in decisions, etc, but eventually gave up - it was too much effort sometimes to just get a simple response! I don't bother anymore. They have questions about how I handle everything for mom, including the trust, they should be asking NOW.

In OP's case, I would make 1-2 attempts and then just do whatever needs to be done. Don't waste time on anger, as it only hurts you, not them. Guilt? No. You tried for years to get this done (not as many for me, but yeah, I brought it up with mom and was rebuffed.)

Cleaning out I would save anything he might like (or the family might enjoy) aside and bring that back with you. Trash the actual trash. Furniture and kitchen type items, if no one wants them in the family, either yard sale or donate. Don't waste time thinking you have some antiques unless you know for certain something is. Mom had some older real wood furniture, but it really is/was a dime a dozen and not worth much of anything! What my bothers didn't want we donated to a local place that helps people get a fresh start, to the neighbor for her church rummage sale, etc. I did end up with items coming here, so now MY place is full of crap too! Some are nice dishes, but don't really need them, the rest is mostly left over junk (fake flowers anyone?) OB kept bringing here - I don't want them!!!
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Very sad, a lifetime of memories that he is desperately holding onto. Not to mention the expense, property taxes, lawn care. I would definitely start cleaning out stuff, a little at a time. That will be easier for you in the long run. It will be hard for you, but it has to be done.
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Do what is best in this case. If Dad is not going back and you know the drill here, Do as you need to do now.
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This is great advice and suggestions. I like the idea of putting things in tubs for each sibling. This is a thankless job and a lot of work and just for "grins" she should keep track of the hours involved. As a POA, you don’t charge for hours like an executor does, but it would be worthwhile to tell your sibs what it took. Why won’t any of them help?
When my dad moved from his home to IL, we arranged for an estate sale, but for all 4 of us girls came from 4 different states and stayed in dad's home for several days to sort through his papers, shred, store, and divide up anything the 4 of us wanted to keep. Things we thought he might want were put into a couple of tubs into his storage locker. Furniture went into a storage unit when he moved again from IL to AL until we knew he was no longer asking for them. I finally donated all that to Salvation Army. Yes it’s a lot of work!! But as the POA, this is your responsibility even if you have lazy siblings. Do it now even though it’s easy to be resentful. It has to be done sooner or later and this is as good a time as any. Think of it as performing sacred work. Good luck.
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marydys May 2020
My sibs hate me and would never lift a finger to help me. They take great joy in making my job as trustee as difficult as possible. I know this sounds dramatic but it is not an exaggeration at all.
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You have excellent reasons to take this opportunity to get your father's house ready for sale and to sell it. Put those reasons to him. If he says no, that is his choice and you don't do it; and then, when the time comes, you put the house clearance and sale in the hands of a company who will do it for you.

If the upkeep of the house meanwhile is becoming too troublesome, tell him that, too. You do have the option of resigning your responsibilities, should it come to it.

He is entitled to keep his property, even if his ever benefiting from it directly again is just a fantasy. He isn't entitled to make you do work you don't want to do, though; but there are people who can be paid (by him) to do it instead.
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marydys May 2020
It's funny, I didn't see this comment but that's exactly what I did. I put it in writing explaining the taxes and that he had once told me (when he was of sound mind) that I should sell at the last minute to avoid taxes if he was going to need the cash. And I said, well, you could keep it and rent it but I knew he hated that... I closed with saying, I am in an impossible situation... do I follow what you told me two years ago, or do I listen to you now? I think I have to resign, Dad. I'm sorry. Well, guess what? He got in a panic which upset my siblings and they've been horrid to me, but the reason he was in a panic is he doesn't want either of them to be the successor trustee (Maybe he can't really think that through but somehow he knew that was not what he wanted either). So yesterday he said "yes" but today he said "it's off", last week it was "I'm not ready"... but the sibs heard YES! And the doctor said he can't give informed consent and I was do to what I thought best. It's been a nightmare with the sibs screaming and name calling this past several weeks. I really hate being trustee. But i think he wanted that even more than his precious "stuff" that he can't even remember.
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It sounds like you would do yourself a big favor if you sold it now.
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Dont tell anyone and sell it making sure to keep a few things for each sibling
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Your father’s clear position is he doesn’t want the house sold or his personal possessions touched. That’s his wish for you to implement. If you can’t do that hand over the responsibility to your siblings - you said they support his wishes. The costs of the responsibility of the home can accrue to his estate. The financial impacts are irrelevant as this is his decision, he is not mentally impaired and they won’t effect him anyway as he has limited years left to need financial independence. These wishes are obviously very important to him as he has chosen this option for the last 12 years even though not living there permanently. I’m sure thinking about his home, his belongings, his life, brings him great joy and will sustain him through the next few remaining years of his life. What greater gift can a child give to their father in their end?
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marydys May 2020
He is mentally impaired and physically impaired.
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If your Dad is 92, I'm guessing that you're not 40? Do you feel safe driving to Michigan and sifting through a whole lot of junk during this pandemic? My two brothers and I are in our 50s and it's taking us forever to throw away/donate/sell/keep stuff. Of course, we've had to stop donating until the places we were donating opened again, and we're still waiting for that. I would say, if you feel safe, start clearing out the house, but try to get your father's OK on selling it. Before you leave, make sure the charities, auction houses, used book stores, etc. near your father's house have reopened.
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marydys May 2020
Yes, this pandemic really complicates everything so us going to MI this summer is still IFFY.. Michigan is a hot spot right now too. We are 65 and 70 and I will hire help when there because my knees can't go up and down the split level and I'm not strong enough to move furniture. I do plan to set up a donation truck to take 99% and I will call them before I bother driving there. I suspect that even if they can't come, or arent' taking donations, I can always just use a dumpster for a lot of it... it's OLD stuff that few people are going to really want... I'm sure it's someone's treasure but most of it is not anything. (it's a shame but who knows the future issues in waiting).
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I would go ahead and start cleaning it out. I had to do this. My mom thought she would go back to her house in the country in a different state. She can’t drive. And she has dementia and she has stability issues. But after I cleaned it out I let her know I had stuff in storage for her near where she lives now. She hasn’t asked to see it tho. She did agree to sell the house finally. She waffled back and forth for a bit but it’s under contract now. It’s hard for them realizing that it’s to hard physically for them to go back so it’s a end to a chapter they’re not ready to close. I get that it. But you have to do what’s best.
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After doing some checking I want to tell you that you can not sell dads house if he is saying no and he is considered competent.

Doesn't matter if you have POA or are Trustee, he is still capable of making decisions if he is competent and you could be prosecuted for violating the fudiciary responsibilities of both positions.

I would leave it alone and when the time comes if your siblings don't step in and help, then hire a company to deal with it out of the estate funds.

I think that I would go sort out the items that I would want personally so that I could remove them without hassle later. But I only want family photos and items that were special to my grandma, so no one is going to grouch about the value.

When you speak with the certified elder law attorney in MI they will direct you to keep it all legal.
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jfbctc May 2020
Hi Isthis,
I liked your reply that you sent me a short time ago. I believe the advice you gave the OP was perfect, and you may very well have headed off a big problem in the making. You are a genius. Thank you for sharing the insight that you always share with us.

Happy Friday,
John
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One poster said it very well: "a lifetime of memories that he is desperately holding onto." Dad does not really "want" the house, its maintenance, or its responsibility. The house represents the "memories."

My father had several strokes. When he was in the nursing home for a round of rehab, he believed that once he got back in his own house, that he would be "better." I knew otherwise. Once he got back into his house, he realized that the place was a booby trap for him - and he was having trouble functioning in it. (Meanwhile, I had hired his young grandnephew to help him with personal care at home.) His realization enabled me to have a heart-to-heart talk about how the house needed to be sold, because he would not be able to live in it safely ever again.

You really do need to start sorting things and having repairs done, so that when the house needs to go on the market, it can do so easily.

If your dad is not mentally competent to deal with the house, then you can invoke your POA and handle the house sale without his permission.
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Eaglet333 May 2020
Yes, I agree. My mom was a hoarder and filled her home with furniture from the sale of five other homes. It took my husband and I nine months just to clear it out and have repairs done. It was vacant for 4 years! We rented the big house, then started on the one she was living in. Same problem!
I agree with you. She really didn’t want to be there, but the house and furnishings were memories. She didn’t know how to get rid of them. When we placed her in a facility ( home was a booby trap), we started clearing that house. Put it on the market and sold the next day.
Now, no more worries!
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Go, start getting rid of the obvious garbage and junk. Make a few bins for family. You know the time is right. Take pictures of anything of value if you happen to sell things. If its that old it qill take you 2 years to pare things down to get it in condition to sell..
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disgustedtoo May 2020
I would think 2 years if the place was more local and she made trips there all the time, but going there and staying there for the summer, it will be easier to get it all done in a few months. It took me more than 1.5 years to do mom's condo (clear it, clean it, make or schedule repairs), but that's because it was too close to bother staying in (plus I have cats here to care for, and her living in MC nearer to my house) but too far (3 hr round trip) to get a lot done each day I went - usually a couple of days/week. I also needed help with large items - bros not always "available".
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