My mother has been in the same facility for several years. Since Covid I have noticed she is very unkempt looking. They used to keep her hair shaved off her face and her nails cut. But that doesn’t seem the case anymore. She wears clothes that are not her clothes and are either to large or too small. Do I talk to the nurse administrator about these things?
I hope you have your Mom's name on her things. That is very important. In addition, a picture of her stuff is real important if you have to prove it is yours. Yes, by all means, talk to the nurse administrator. In my case, I talk and have talked to the head nurse on the floor.
As for the laundering of items, some places do it and it is included as part of the fee, and some places do not (need to pay extra). As I was interviewing places, it also depended upon the level of care provided and what was included in that level of care.
If you see someone else wearing your Mom's stuff, do not automatically assume that the nursing staff is responsible for mixing up the clothes. In the memory ward, we have been warned that residents sometimes take other resident's clothes and sometimes, the person who owns the clothes just gives it away.
Regarding clothes that are too large or too small, could your Mom be losing or gaining weight while being there? If you can't remember what clothes your Mom actually has, start taking pictures. If anything you will need it to remind yourself of what she has/doesn't have.
Regarding nails and shaving, our state heath department says that nails and shaving can only be done by a RN because it involves the use of a scissors. One of the places that we looked at, had a beauty salon/barbershop on premises for these types of services. In the place where my Mom is now, shaving and nail services are part of the monthly fee, along with laundry.
I would try and find the contract that was signed when your Mom was admitted. If that is too much of a bother, just talk to the head nurse (or salesperson) and they can tell you what is included in the fee.
Clothing is often a problem.
Either the wrong clothing gets sent to the residents room or the resident runs out of clean clothes and they have to grab what is available either from the room mate or from the "lost and found". One of the reasons I would never bring "good or new" clothes for my Husband when he was in Day Care or for Respite. A trip to the Resale shop for clothes that I would not care if they vanished.
If she does a scheduled visit to the salon ask them to do the facial hair when they do her hair. You could ask them about the finger nails since it is a salon they might be able to do the finger nails
I told them to wash her hair every time she is given a shower even if she says she doesn't want it. If I happen to be there at that time, I will put curlers in her hair and use a travel size blow dryer. I have learned how to use every inch of space in her half room.
Nursing home staff are under a great deal of pressure. I would cut them some slack. I got to know all of the staff and if I have a problem, instead of going over their heads, I go to them directly.
You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. I take them snacks and magazines for their break room.
Chances are the facility she's in has changed hands and been bought up by a different company. Usually when this happens residents have to start paying extra for every service and the new company reduces essential staff numbers to maximize profits.
Ask if the facility is owned by a different company now.
It may seem silly but it's just too easy to do someone a real damage with the very best of intentions.
If your mother doesn’t express concern, it maybe better to let this go.
One thing that you can know is that most facilities without medical personnel hestitate to trim toenails. This is predominantly a problem with seniors and poor circulation, difficulty healing small nicks and scratches and the danger of sepsis.
Shaving may not be done everyday but if resident can't do it, then an aide should. I would say there is a shortage of aides. Nails and shaving may not be a priority.
How long do you normally spend there during visits? If possible, see if you can spend a whole morning up to and including lunch with her, using this as an opportunity to make connections among her care team and get her possessions organized.
Bear in mind that if it's been several years, there may also have been a falling-off in your mother's motivation and a change of priorities for her. Grooming and dressing are very much part of supporting a person's individuality and are very important but make allowances for anything that *she* can't be bothered with any more.
Regarding the hair removal specifically: if she's on blood-thinners, the aides may be extremely reluctant to shave her (or prohibited, even). If whiskers are bothering her (mine bother me!) consider alternative methods such as tweezers or facial depilatory creams. Waxing would probably be too fierce for fragile skin.
I did my mother's nails for her when I visited, and brought mixed up clothes to the administrator's attention. I checked her clothes to make sure the labels were in them, replaced missing ones, and acted as a member of my mother's care team, not just the person who pays the bills.
I’ve experienced the exact same issues with my loved one, too. I was told that each person’s laundry was done separately, so how do they end up with other people’s clothes? I bought customized name labels and put them on everything, including shoes. There have been grooming issues, too.
When my father was in the NH, I picked up his laundry once a week and did it myself. This is the only way to keep someone in their own clothes and this doesn't always work. Sometimes different people's clothes being worn are not the fault of the staff. In nursing homes or any facility where there are people with dementia, clothes and all kinds of different items go missing from residents' rooms, closets, and bathrooms. They get nicked by other residents.