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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
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I think various stressors in life can impair our resistance to disease. (Without proper recovery time, any long term stress can cause us to lose years). The thing about elder caregiving, IMO, is that many of us are elderly ourselves, (and therefore already less resilient). Adding caregiving to the mix affects us much more therefore...(than it wud have years ago). Double whammy if you see what I mean.
I am trying to figure out a study we can do to measure this. Let's see. Take two people. One gives care. The other doesn't. Which lives longest. Which wishes he or she were dead first. Just teasing you, but how could we ever know? At the end of their lives, my Mom in her late 80s seemed to me to be failing, and my Dad, in his mid 90s strong. Then my dad weakened and my Mom stepped up to care for him, and for those two or three years she became so vibrant, so strong. She seemed to thrive. He didn't have dementia, and I think the toll of that is more than almost anyone can bear, as you are caring for someone you cannot recognize and who cannot recognize you. I think it is more our own personalities that take years off our lives. I can become so anxious when order slips. My OCD kicks in and I become almost paralyzed by the physical reaction of the anxiety. You know the drill if you get it--slamming heart, confusion, almost a loss of hearing. I think that has to not be good for the body, given that cortisol levels seem implicated in cancers and so on. It has to be hard on both our bodies and our minds, I think. But there won't be a way of measuring it unless we can do another identical twins study. Let's see. One twin gets the parents. The other gets cruise trips and dinners out.
Love your humor Alvadeer. My Mom was older than Dad, but cared for him, even when dementia began. We 3 kids and a neighbor told her we feared she'd die first (yes, we helped out). They were in their 70's and decided to go with the NH for him. He was dead not long after. Mom lasted till she was 95! So I have no idea how many years.
What, you want a definitive answer? My grandmother cared for my grandfather for about a decade, in my memory he was always frail and by the end he was mostly confused and bed bound (and keep in mind we didn't have any of the conveniences and supports that are available today). My grandmother died some 15 years later in her 91st year - do you suppose she may have lived longer if she hadn't been a caregiver?
I think your reply is interesting, Cwillie. Marriage has been shown to help men live longer. Your grandfather would have died sooner were it not for his wife and your grandmother may well have made it to 100 had she not been his caregiver. I also think it's different to care for a spouse, whom one chooses to marry, than for a parent or other family member.
I personally think we all have X amount of days on earth, whether we're caregivers or not. It's up to us how we choose to use those days, I guess, and how we cope with whatever life throws our way. While the stress of caregiving should never be minimized, I suppose the effect the stress would have on a person would vary greatly. Stress can kill, but then again, so can a car accident or cardiac arrest.
Greetings! Lol. But seriously, only from my small 22 yr Experience caring for elderly Parents and clients...it's a perspective shift, a sort of paridgm shift has to occur to gain an Enlighten understanding that there's no more rules for them..and you'll find yourself not taking it seriously more so a Devine part in life your playing..and smile...it does amazing for me being 49+ but mistaken for 29+...All is well. And your deeds have not gone unnoticed! Stay strong. Happy
A care recipient, sometimes known as a LO who takes your care for granted, exploits you, treats you like a servant, never gives you a sense of accomplishments for your assistance, manipulates you to feel like you aren't doing enough, insults you or your efforts, and plays with your feelings... each one of these variables will cause grey hair, stooped posture, jowls, intestinal sluggishness, PTSD and finally... death,
I literally aged 10 years in one dealing with my dad and his issues. You can still see the age, not to mention the stress weight. I don't think I will ever be the same, and not in a good way.
I think this question just pushes some of my buttons. I can't argue that stress, lack of sleep, putting off self care, weight gain/loss and all of that can effect health. But.
Many caregivers are of an age when sh*t happens, it's an accepted fact that the chances of developing cancer, heart disease and countless other conditions increase with age.
All caregiving is not the same, and IMO blanket statements/questions like this are just not real or helpful - life is what it is. Lack of self care, living with stressful occupations or families isn't exclusive to caregiving.
Too many variables to give that a definitive answer, but I can tell you this: I feel a lot older than I should at 62.
I'll get a better idea of the effects of caregiving this weekend. My dearest friend is visiting me from another state. We haven't seen each other in 2 years. I plan to carefully observe her reaction when I pick her up at the airport. 😉
Good question--and aside from studies done that may show X many years are deducted from one's life due to stress of caregiving---I don't really know how you can put a quantity on that.
My DH has put me through the wringer with his many health issues. It is what it is...I have handled everything alone, so far, but my own current bout with cancer is making me re-think my total devotion to making sure "papa" has a great life. He's not a bad guy, but he sure doesn't do 'quid pro quo'.
Our attitudes have a lot to do with the stress, etc. I have a sister who is so flat lined emotionally, she is practically comatose in some regards. And she hasn't been caregiving (refused to help with mother), she's been working for her family business--rental properties. She's a great lady, and I am sure she'll live to 95 because seriously, NOTHING bothers her.
She has an innate ability to say no. And also to walk away with zero guilt about SAYING no. I can't---I feel responsible for the world! Not healthy.
I agree--life is what it is. I've kind of quit trying to make a lot of sense out of insensible things and being actively very sick myself right now, I am seeing how pointless a LOT of my CG efforts have been-how unnecessarily fussy I have been.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Double whammy if you see what I mean.
Let's see. Take two people. One gives care. The other doesn't. Which lives longest.
Which wishes he or she were dead first.
Just teasing you, but how could we ever know?
At the end of their lives, my Mom in her late 80s seemed to me to be failing, and my Dad, in his mid 90s strong. Then my dad weakened and my Mom stepped up to care for him, and for those two or three years she became so vibrant, so strong. She seemed to thrive. He didn't have dementia, and I think the toll of that is more than almost anyone can bear, as you are caring for someone you cannot recognize and who cannot recognize you.
I think it is more our own personalities that take years off our lives.
I can become so anxious when order slips. My OCD kicks in and I become almost paralyzed by the physical reaction of the anxiety. You know the drill if you get it--slamming heart, confusion, almost a loss of hearing. I think that has to not be good for the body, given that cortisol levels seem implicated in cancers and so on. It has to be hard on both our bodies and our minds, I think.
But there won't be a way of measuring it unless we can do another identical twins study.
Let's see. One twin gets the parents. The other gets cruise trips and dinners out.
My grandmother cared for my grandfather for about a decade, in my memory he was always frail and by the end he was mostly confused and bed bound (and keep in mind we didn't have any of the conveniences and supports that are available today). My grandmother died some 15 years later in her 91st year - do you suppose she may have lived longer if she hadn't been a caregiver?
My parents had a fun filled wonderful retirement and they lived into their mid-to-late 90's. Will I? I doubt it :(
My bucket list is now a thimble list.... [sigh]
www.youtube.com/watch?v=c6IL8WVyMMs&t=2387s
Many caregivers are of an age when sh*t happens, it's an accepted fact that the chances of developing cancer, heart disease and countless other conditions increase with age.
All caregiving is not the same, and IMO blanket statements/questions like this are just not real or helpful - life is what it is. Lack of self care, living with stressful occupations or families isn't exclusive to caregiving.
I'll get a better idea of the effects of caregiving this weekend. My dearest friend is visiting me from another state. We haven't seen each other in 2 years. I plan to carefully observe her reaction when I pick her up at the airport. 😉
My DH has put me through the wringer with his many health issues. It is what it is...I have handled everything alone, so far, but my own current bout with cancer is making me re-think my total devotion to making sure "papa" has a great life. He's not a bad guy, but he sure doesn't do 'quid pro quo'.
Our attitudes have a lot to do with the stress, etc. I have a sister who is so flat lined emotionally, she is practically comatose in some regards. And she hasn't been caregiving (refused to help with mother), she's been working for her family business--rental properties. She's a great lady, and I am sure she'll live to 95 because seriously, NOTHING bothers her.
She has an innate ability to say no. And also to walk away with zero guilt about SAYING no. I can't---I feel responsible for the world! Not healthy.
I agree--life is what it is. I've kind of quit trying to make a lot of sense out of insensible things and being actively very sick myself right now, I am seeing how pointless a LOT of my CG efforts have been-how unnecessarily fussy I have been.