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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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I believe you may have cut your range too short! I am 46, do I still qualify? :) I’m single and had a very successful career in finance, loved to travel, really enjoy antiques so I loved flea markets and antique shops, still dream on owning one one day! also really enjoy good art galleries and I do some painting myself. Oh! And love music and dancing.
When I read my self description, it seems like I’m talking about someone that is taking a long break from life, and I think that’s exactly how I feel, like I’m taking a long undefined break from all that was my life.
But, in all fairness my journey and all the things I’ve left behind are probably more radical than for most, as in order to be my mom’s caregiver I had to move overseas two years ago and really gave up my entire life (job, house, friends, hobbies, all). For others I figure the choice or need to become a caregiver shouldn’t imply changes so drastic.
I think that answers your first question about how has caregiving changed my life, in a nutshell, completely. But there is another important aspect you mentioned, mentally; I’m struggling, really struggling to keep my sanity, some days (like today) more than others. Although I know that the way my mom acts is just the result of aging and illness and she cannot control it, but it is very, very hard to remember that all day, everyday when her behavior towards me is not necessarily fair. That takes a huge toll on me, because aside from how I feel as a result of the emotional roller coasters that I live due to my mom’s emotional instability, I also feel guilty for not being able to handle the situation better and let it get to me. I really try not to react to my mom’s actions and words, but I end up keeping everything inside, which is also hurtful.
My advice would be, number 1, realize what I just mentioned, your loved one cannot control what they say or do as a healthy/younger person would. Negative and angry reactions are the result of physical and emotional pain. So, do your very best not to take it personally.
Number 2, try to keep as much of what used to be your life intact, meaning, don’t give up everything that gives you solace. And although very hard, try to mantain some of your social life alive. Loneliness is a critical part that is almost a byproduct of caregiving. Adapt yourself to the new ways you can socialize. For example, most people lose interest in you once they realize you don’t have the same freedom they do, or that your day-to-day is really basically the same routine with less and less interesting things to talk about other than the challenges of caregiving. I for example have a cousin that goes to the movies with me, and movies is all I do with her because she cannot understand anything related to caregiving, she doesn’t want to and she is unable to, so, all she can be is a person to go to the movies with, and I take that! It is two to three hours of something different for me, a mind-break. My friends, well most of them are in the US, and I keep in touch and we talk frequently. I need that to feel like I still have my old life. So, adapt to your new reality but don’t quit who you used to be completely.
Number 3, take time everyday for you. Just some time to come back to your center. or try to. And focus on the moment so that the moment can feed your soul. If you are listening to music even while cleaning, really enjoy the music and disconnect from the rest. Live the moment, I think is the takeaway.
Lastly but never less important, if you are a believer, place your life and your loved one’s life in God’s hands. He has been my one source of strength, and I mean that. All I have been able to do -it has been a long and super hard journey- is thanks to Him. His help and protection have been almost palpable to me. So, if you believe, hold on to your faith, that is the one thing that will never fail you!
Hope this is somewhat helpful! Best of luck Alani!!
No Rossses you are more than welcome to reply. I was wondering because I read an article about how many younger caregivers are milleneals as they call it. But really the question posed is for anyone. I am very grateful for your reply. It really put things in to perpective for me and I too am a caregiver for my mother as well. I have other siblings but they are unable to help. I do feel guilty sometimes for thinking I can be doing more or better. I myself suffer from mental illness/Fibromyalgia so I have to take care of myself so I can take care of her. Once again thank you for you kind and thoughful words. I see we are all in the same boat regardless of age etc. Please feel free to reach out to me if your able on here. It would be great to hear more about not only caregiving but your travels.
I took Care of my dying grandma im early 20s. It makes me realize how short life is and makes me more cautious as a human overall. It makes me realize how vulnerable we really are, despite how we act day to day. If you cant help yourself, you sure as heck cant help someone who relies entirely on you.
I can't imagine having that responsiblity so young. But I think it makes people mature very quickly and like you mention give you a different out look on life. Thank you for responding and I wish the best for you.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I believe you may have cut your range too short! I am 46, do I still qualify? :) I’m single and had a very successful career in finance, loved to travel, really enjoy antiques so I loved flea markets and antique shops, still dream on owning one one day! also really enjoy good art galleries and I do some painting myself. Oh! And love music and dancing.
When I read my self description, it seems like I’m talking about someone that is taking a long break from life, and I think that’s exactly how I feel, like I’m taking a long undefined break from all that was my life.
But, in all fairness my journey and all the things I’ve left behind are probably more radical than for most, as in order to be my mom’s caregiver I had to move overseas two years ago and really gave up my entire life (job, house, friends, hobbies, all). For others I figure the choice or need to become a caregiver shouldn’t imply changes so drastic.
I think that answers your first question about how has caregiving changed my life, in a nutshell, completely. But there is another important aspect you mentioned, mentally; I’m struggling, really struggling to keep my sanity, some days (like today) more than others. Although I know that the way my mom acts is just the result of aging and illness and she cannot control it, but it is very, very hard to remember that all day, everyday when her behavior towards me is not necessarily fair. That takes a huge toll on me, because aside from how I feel as a result of the emotional roller coasters that I live due to my mom’s emotional instability, I also feel guilty for not being able to handle the situation better and let it get to me. I really try not to react to my mom’s actions and words, but I end up keeping everything inside, which is also hurtful.
My advice would be, number 1, realize what I just mentioned, your loved one cannot control what they say or do as a healthy/younger person would. Negative and angry reactions are the result of physical and emotional pain. So, do your very best not to take it personally.
Number 2, try to keep as much of what used to be your life intact, meaning, don’t give up everything that gives you solace. And although very hard, try to mantain some of your social life alive. Loneliness is a critical part that is almost a byproduct of caregiving. Adapt yourself to the new ways you can socialize. For example, most people lose interest in you once they realize you don’t have the same freedom they do, or that your day-to-day is really basically the same routine with less and less interesting things to talk about other than the challenges of caregiving. I for example have a cousin that goes to the movies with me, and movies is all I do with her because she cannot understand anything related to caregiving, she doesn’t want to and she is unable to, so, all she can be is a person to go to the movies with, and I take that! It is two to three hours of something different for me, a mind-break. My friends, well most of them are in the US, and I keep in touch and we talk frequently. I need that to feel like I still have my old life. So, adapt to your new reality but don’t quit who you used to be completely.
Number 3, take time everyday for you. Just some time to come back to your center. or try to. And focus on the moment so that the moment can feed your soul. If you are listening to music even while cleaning, really enjoy the music and disconnect from the rest. Live the moment, I think is the takeaway.
Lastly but never less important, if you are a believer, place your life and your loved one’s life in God’s hands. He has been my one source of strength, and I mean that. All I have been able to do -it has been a long and super hard journey- is thanks to Him. His help and protection have been almost palpable to me. So, if you believe, hold on to your faith, that is the one thing that will never fail you!
Hope this is somewhat helpful! Best of luck Alani!!