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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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How does one deal with the anger that comes from being alone with a spouse in long term care? It is difficult knowing that person will not ever come back to our home.
Anger is one of the many stages of grieving and yes my dear, you are grieving even though your spouse is still alive. It's called anticipatory grief and requires the same attention as when a loved one dies, which of course is grief counseling. There are local Grief Share groups in your area, and of course you can seek out individual therapy sessions as well. Seeking out a caregiver support group may be helpful too. You can "Google" to see if there are any in your area. It's going to be ok and you're going to be ok. You are stronger than you know.
Anger is one of the 5 Stages of grief: Shock, Bargaining, Anger, Depression and Acceptance. While you didn't expect to be living alone at this point in your life, your husband didn't expect to get dementia and need long term care, either. Old age can be a very difficult path to navigate for all concerned, that's for sure. My mother wound up with advanced dementia and living in Memory Care Assisted Living. She'd say all the time, "Who ever thought I'd wind up like this?" Truthfully, not many folks live to 95 as she did, so illness and disease go with the territory. She could've died of cancer at 50, but she didn't look at things that way.
See if you can find a grief support group to join locally. And a book club. And perhaps volunteer your time reading to children in the hospital. Visit your husband at his residence as you are able, too. He still loves you, and you him, so if possible, spend some time together. This journey is tough and I'm so sorry for your pain and suffering.
You have to work on coming to peace with it if it's your own anger. You didn't create the situation and there aren't any other options to deal with it. It is what it is. Do not feel guilty, either. Grief: yes. Guilt: never.
If your spouse is the angry one, then if they are not on meds for anxiety/agitation they now need to be. If they are on meds already, maybe they need to be adjusted, which is a common issue. You tell them that they can't leave because the DOCTOR says they can't. You need to deflect their anger elsewhere.
I'm so sorry for this situation. May you receive peace in your heart.
Jswan, I think everyone has there own best way to get over anger, my way may not be your way.
But I'll share with you my feelings on anger.
I feel IT for a certain amount of time. I tell myself, let yourself be angry for a week or two, what ever I feel I can do. Then when that time is up , when I think of angry thoughts of people or situations I , tell myself over and over, NO, stop , love myself better, what ever I have to do to let it go.
Because bottom line is anger only hurts one person, it hurts YOU. Say I'm angry at my brother, does it hurt him, not at all, but it does hurt ME, and I don't want to hurt me anymore. It's like holding onto a hot rock , for to long. That hot rock hurts, and the longer you hold onto it the more damage you are doing to your hand. The longer we hold on to anger the more damage we are doing to are brain and are body.
I'm so sorry about your husband, support groups, therapy, all good ideas. Join something at your library, knitting class, or whatever works for you.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
It's called anticipatory grief and requires the same attention as when a loved one dies, which of course is grief counseling.
There are local Grief Share groups in your area, and of course you can seek out individual therapy sessions as well.
Seeking out a caregiver support group may be helpful too. You can "Google" to see if there are any in your area.
It's going to be ok and you're going to be ok. You are stronger than you know.
See if you can find a grief support group to join locally. And a book club. And perhaps volunteer your time reading to children in the hospital. Visit your husband at his residence as you are able, too. He still loves you, and you him, so if possible, spend some time together. This journey is tough and I'm so sorry for your pain and suffering.
Best of luck to you.
You have to work on coming to peace with it if it's your own anger. You didn't create the situation and there aren't any other options to deal with it. It is what it is. Do not feel guilty, either. Grief: yes. Guilt: never.
If your spouse is the angry one, then if they are not on meds for anxiety/agitation they now need to be. If they are on meds already, maybe they need to be adjusted, which is a common issue. You tell them that they can't leave because the DOCTOR says they can't. You need to deflect their anger elsewhere.
I'm so sorry for this situation. May you receive peace in your heart.
If that is not the case would you please provide us with more information.
But I'll share with you my feelings on anger.
I feel IT for a certain amount of time. I tell myself, let yourself be angry for a week or two, what ever I feel I can do. Then when that time is up , when I think of angry thoughts of people or situations I , tell myself over and over, NO, stop , love myself better, what ever I have to do to let it go.
Because bottom line is anger only hurts one person, it hurts YOU. Say I'm angry at my brother, does it hurt him, not at all, but it does hurt ME, and I don't want to hurt me anymore.
It's like holding onto a hot rock , for to long. That hot rock hurts, and the longer you hold onto it the more damage you are doing to your hand. The longer we hold on to anger the more damage we are doing to are brain and are body.
I'm so sorry about your husband, support groups, therapy, all good ideas. Join something at your library, knitting class, or whatever works for you.
Best of luck, hope that was a little helpful.