I am getting mentally ready for my 4 weeks of indentured servitude at my parents’ house beginning Tuesday.
My father now needs help going to the toilet. We have aides for the mornings and late afternoons. If he needs to go to the toilet when they are not there, I’m going to have to get him on and off the toilet and clean him afterwards. Does anyone have any tips on how they handle this task. I have never done this before.
Between not knowing how best to do it and never having seen my father naked below the waist, this is weighing heavily on me. I’m grateful for any tips and suggestions.
How old is dad and mom? I thought I read where they were in their nineties. Please don't injure your back trying to get dad off and in the toilet.
If it wasn't for your other siblings humoring your parents at this point with pretending they can still live independently they would be in a facility.
Shame on mom and dad for putting you in this predicament.
You could always refuse to wipe dad's privates and assisting him off and on the toilet.
My sisters and I are going to speak to our mother when I'm back because we can no longer provide the care our father needs and our mother needs to make some decisions regarding my father's and her future care. We are going to be a united front, we are refusing to accept the status quo. I plan to tell my mother if she does not decide to go into AL or a NH with my father, I will be calling APS. Her daughters can no longer care for them and they are not safe living alone anymore. It's like leaving two toddlers alone in the house.
I would then call 911 and have him transported to the ER.
I would call APS and report him as a vulnerable adult.
I would call the local AAA and get a needs assessment.
I would then leave.
Toileting my incompetent parent would be a one off, not a month-long "sentence".
If my parent "chose" to rely upon my indentured service, I would step away and let the chips fall where they might. Sometimes you need to do that for foolish folks to get the help they need.
Just get lots of wet wipes ready and do your best. Nobody wants to do these things or likes doing them, but we sometimes find ourselves in such a position where we have no other choice. We do things out of love for our parents sometimes that we'd never imagine ourselves doing, but we come out of it alright in the end. I'm with you in thinking it is not humane to have a loved one sit in excrement.
Sending you a hug and a prayer that things will go smoothly for you during this 4 week period. Best of luck.
I know you're going to have the talk with them when you get there but you need to do it ASAP.
I would be so upset thinking about what is waiting for me if I were you. This is just NOT OK. Some people don't mind, but I do mind! When my mom had some accidents in the house when she was sick - I literally cried. My amazing hubby took pity on my and "helped" clean up the mess she'd left behind. Not on her person, but clothes, floor, etc. I shudder just thinking of it!
I hope you can get this straightened out quickly. And of course your parents are NOT going to like the new world you all are going to be laying out to them but they have no choice. You and your siblings need to let them know that this is the end. They need much more help than you can give. End of story. Major changes need to occur. It's not what anyone really wants, but it is no fair for you to be expected to do what you do not want to do.
I am sorry that you have been asked to be in this position. It’s not easy to be a hands on caregiver.
Some posters have spoken about how bidets can be helpful. I don’t know of any certain brands to recommend. Maybe others would know. They are sold on Amazon.
I make it with lemon and eucalyptus oil and nobody has to deal with others bathroom odors.
I couldn't do it. My gag reflex starts and I exit or puke, those are the choices for me.
Oh my gosh, I giggled so hard when I first saw those poopouri commercials on tv.