Hi there! For the last year I have noticed changes in my parents behavior, she has almost no patience, gets angry easily (mostly at me) frustrated at situations and cries over them rather than problem solving, cries over little things, is mean, has no financial smarts and spends money recklessly, and has had some memory problems, and also seems different around friends (such as a lack of caring to get to know them..see how they are, and just talks over them). She also seems to lack judgement, she lets almost anyone drive her car and had it almost completely totaled and has been without a car for 2 months, had she been in the passengers seat she may not be around. The problem for me is she retired years ago, overseas so I only see her 1-2 times a year. She has her own home but allows “couch surfers” to visit her and stay with her for free so they help her out with cooking, cleaning, run her errands etc. I can’t tell if she’s just getting older and dealing with some normal “getting older” problems and behaviors or if it’s more, She also has good days & bad days where she seems fine and then I think I’m crazy. My husband has also noticed these changes in her as well. Her dad passed away from dementia several years ago at the age of 90. Any advice or if anyone can help steer me in the right direction would be helpful.
If she has been the driver, when these wrecks happened, I'd stop the driving immediately. It's just too dangerous. You might contact a separate Elder Law attorney to get advice on how to do that with the state DMV.
Her doctor may also want to do some office evaluation to see how she's doing. An objective observer needs to be present when he asked her questions to provide important info on how she's really doing. A discreet note with your observations in advance is helpful. The part about the driving is also important, since in many states, the doctor can send word to DMV that she needs to be examined. In some states, private individuals can also make request for review, if they explain why in writing.
I'd keep in mind that she likely will deny any cognitive issues at all and no matter how obvious it may be to everyone else, she will likely not believe it and even become angry that you have suggested it. So, in that case, it becomes developing strategies to manage their care, which isn't easy. There are a lot of tips on sites like this though. And, there are good books out there that help.