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How are they managing their medications?
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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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Does he know what he's getting himself into? What does her Physician say? What control do you have over the situation? Why would safety be an issue? Confusion may be a problem, though. We are dealing with similar issues, though our dad and FIL are both in a Nursing Home nearby. They struggle with normal everyday activity.
He knows what is going on with his mother, however, since I posted this, Dr. said she could only go for a few hours at a time due to her constant confused state of mind. When I realized how serious her condition was, I told all the brothers (I am daughter in law) that she needed help, they said, ok, go ahead. That is how I gained control, no one would help her but my husband & I. I was staying with her all day & my husband would sleep there at night. She had a stroke on 12/25/09 & I moved her in with us. Safety is not an issue here with me, but they have to keep an eye on her 24/7. But Dr. has taken care of that for now. Thank you for caring. Monica xo
Dear Donatella, You seem to be doing a super job w/your mother in-law! It is a 24/7 situation and I think it is great that you question her safety because many would just jump at the chance for relief. How is your relationship w/the brother? Do you feel that it is a genuine offer for him to want to have the time w/her and to lend a hand to you and your husband? The flip - side to this would be if you feel he has "other intentions" to do with money, a "Will", "Power of Attorney" , or to get ahold of her meds. because of an addiction. I only bring this to your attention because I had to experience these things firsthand because of being my mom's caregiver and things that were happening from someone that I just couldn't have even imagined. It is really sad and devastating to realize that there are so many things to think about. I hope that you and hubby are able to have others pitch in and help you. Maybe, his brother could come to your home and let you and your husband just get out of the home together - You really need to take time for each other and yourselves and not to feel guilty - I know secretsister and others will also agree. I pray everything goes well and will keep your situation in our prayers!
Can he come and stay with her in your house? Maybe that would give you and your husband a way to get out and spend some time together. (mini vacation perhaps?)
I think you out to let him take her for the weekend. It's fortunate that he wants to. Let him see what you deal with. It's rare a family member is willing to relieve you, so I say go for it. Perhaps the change of scenery may be positive.
Monica, my mom always wanted to take my dad places with her, but thankfully, she wasn't driving. She thought he could do what he always did, but that's not the case. Actually, he was declining quicker than we realized. When I look back now, the pace stuns me. Only two years ago, he was driving (recklessly). But he was also getting lost. He went unresponsive, so was hospitalized, and we almost lost him. Then I moved him closer to me. Can't even believe mom let me do it. He is getting much better care now, and improved, but his Alzheimer's has progressed exponentially. He got in the car with me for a 250 mile trip by me, and a couple times since. But even a walk down the nursing home hallways confuses and disorients him these days. He walks with a greater stoop, and slower pace, but only to his dining room. He will not go out of the unit, and definitely not toward an exit. His world of international travel has shrunk to one small corridor in a nursing home. Mom wants to take him with her for concerts, dinner, church, and such, but he simply can't handle it. Sadly, he may never go out again. Not only that, her infrequent visits have rendered her almost a stranger (though they've been married 53 years). Dad seems more comfortable with me than her. I see him easily overstimulated by circumstances and noise, and this agitates him. Mom can't read clues, and often oversteps other's boundaries. With Advanced Stage Alzheimer's, this is difficult to handle. It takes sensitivity to deal effectively with certain sufferers. As Dad's guardian, I've vetoed her taking him out. He went to her new apartment once, and that was his last day out almost a year ago. A same-day trip to a picnic spot on the lake proved too much for him, once his feet hit the grass. He didn't enjoy that outing at all, and it was apparent the attempt was too much for him. I'm very protective of my dad, especially since my mom is not capable of understanding his level of need, due to her own cognitive limitations. What a sad scenario! I say, determine what they can handle, and be their advocate.
It's not all about meeting our need to connect with the loved one, as much as meeting our loved ones needs and comfort level. Sometimes they need familiarity, as anything else can be traumatic, especially when dealing with Alzheimer's. Even familiar routines can put them into a tailspin, for no apparent reason, at times. What a debilitating disease. I believe we must put their best interests ahead of our desires, and I like to err on the side of caution.
I don't think it would be a good idea. If you change her surroundings I am almost positive it would throw her into a state of confusion and insecurity. I have seen it happenn too many times. Let him come to your house and help out. But even that could backfire because they only trust the ones that take care of them ona regular basis. Good Luck and hopefully there will be no hard feelings. Print out some of these post and have him read up on Parkinson's
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
You seem to be doing a super job w/your mother in-law! It is a 24/7 situation and I think it is great that you question her safety because many would just jump at the chance for relief. How is your relationship w/the brother? Do you feel that it is a genuine offer for him to want to have the time w/her and to lend a hand to you and your husband? The flip - side to this would be if you feel he has "other intentions" to do with money, a "Will", "Power of Attorney" , or to get ahold of her meds. because of an addiction. I only bring this to your attention because I had to experience these things firsthand because of being my mom's caregiver and things that were happening from someone that I just couldn't have even imagined. It is really sad and devastating to realize that there are so many things to think about. I hope that you and hubby are able to have others pitch in and help you. Maybe, his brother could come to your home and let you and your husband just get out of the home together - You really need to take time for each other and yourselves and not to feel guilty - I know secretsister and others will also agree. I pray everything goes well and will keep your situation in our prayers!
It's rare a family member is willing to relieve you, so I say go for it. Perhaps the change of scenery may be positive.
It's not all about meeting our need to connect with the loved one, as much as meeting our loved ones needs and comfort level. Sometimes they need familiarity, as anything else can be traumatic, especially when dealing with Alzheimer's. Even familiar routines can put them into a tailspin, for no apparent reason, at times. What a debilitating disease. I believe we must put their best interests ahead of our desires, and I like to err on the side of caution.