Today I was talking to my grandmother to see how she was doing. To recount for a moment, the last time I posted about it she was in the hospital because she said the doctors are saying she is having heart congestive failure problems and will be needing surgery. Fast-forward a bit; she has been home and receiving in-home care from health aides and therapists. Other than rushing there when she went to the hospital's emergency room, I haven't seen her due to work and especially school. Thank God she has been getting visits and care from some family members and neighbors. And I do really mean thanks to you, God.
My mother who lives closer by, also has been going through it and seems to be recovering well from her hip surgery, 'cause she's been out and about. Haven't seen her either, though I have tried and she herself wasn't available for one reason or another. So, in between a busy work and school schedule that's been the same with deadlines every week, I've just been calling them to see how they're doing. So, today in between studying for a test and other work I still have to turn in, I texted my computer savvy mother to say 'hi' because I knew she'd like my special emojis and I'd also not have to end up arguing with her, because she's also narcissistic and usually hard to talk to. And then I called my not-computer-savvy grandmother, who is a bit easier to talk to, but hard in the sense that she is very uncomfortable because she clams up without trying to give you feedback. She'll just listen and go, 'Oh' a lot. Gets frustrating. Somehow I got some information from her today, I guess after getting sick of hearing me probe which I don't mean to do, but like I said she makes me do all the talking because she will clam up. So, I asked if she knew what was going to happen next, and basically she said she guesses after the in-home care stops, she will be going for the heart surgery. Firstly, I thought at her age of soon to be 94, Medicaid always paid for this care? Even though it's only part-time hours, I was hoping it'd keep going especially because she keeps saying 'no' to nursing homes. I told her it should if she told the doctors she still needed it. Because then it wouldn't be as easy to get her groceries and stuff, and I hope she doesn't try to drive her car.
Another thing, I'm so busy I don't even know if I can do Mother's Day with them (I have my usual deadlines for school who doesn't recognize that day as a day off). If I don't show up, it's a wrap for them because no one else will come to visit, or take them out to eat, or such on that day. Plus, my spending money is questionable right now. If I just send cards and call, is that enough or does that seem cold? Would try to send flowers as well, depending on the costs. I know I have to figure this out in the end, but thanks for any feedback you might provide.
I don't always understand what my grandmother is trying to say when she tells me things like the home health care is only temporary. I know how she is, and she'll just go along with what she is told, while I am trying to convey to her it doesn't have to end if she'd just let THEM know, not the other way around. But she may say to them one of her 'Oh's' instead. This is tricky for me, because I'd call the doctor myself, but I would have to ask for the name and number, and this gets her aggravated. And I have to worry about her heart. Trust me, I don't want to go that route, but if she lets it end it will open up issues. But I'm praying like you said, that they'll already know and not just cut her off like that. I'm hearing some crazy medical stories nowadays, so it becomes ambiguous sometimes.
If she is trying to get rid of the aides, she'll have to face it sooner or later that things are not going to be the same, as much as we'd like it to be.
As far as Mother's Day, I agree with that. I always end up scrambling to do something even if busy, but I don't want to risk my schooling.
Don't worry about your sisters' lack of doing. You are only responsible for what you do. You can't change anyone else.
Don't sweat the Medicaid issue - the Dr. office will figure it out. If she goes into debt to get the surgery, then the debt dies with her. No one should co-sign anything for her at this point in her life. You are not her POA so let it go. Just smile in your voice and say, "talk to the doctor's office, grandma." You sound like a great, granddaughter and your studies are what she would have you concentrate on, not government bureaucracy!
To answer DeeAnna, no I don't have POA (don't want it the way they don't cooperate with me), my sister down south does. She's more of a show than the one who lives in town, but it is only here and there nowadays. And even if she does offer them to come, they'd tell her 'no' which I'm sick of as well. My mother screamed at me why should she when I live nearby? I replied back why not? She is her daughter too. I know this has enabled my sister to offer without fear of them saying 'yes'. That's the crazy dance I'm going through while I have my own hectic pace I'm dealing with. That's why I need to post. It's my only way to keep from over worrying.
Regarding your grandmother's Medicaid, you need to talk to the local Medicaid office to clarification. Who is your grandmother's POA? If you are not her POA, you might try your state's Medicaid website for some general information.
Good Luck on your finals!!
By the way, anyone know about the Medicaid issue? Wondering what will my grandmother do if and when it ceases, as she claims?
P.S. I also feel Mother's Day is more commercial than anything. It's mostly because of my grandmother that I do it. My mother would be more fine, but they tend to feed off each other's views; even more so now than ever due to their both being seniors and tending to feel sorry for themselves.
P.P.S. Frequent Flyer, I think that's adorable about the cats, and lol to Garden Artist. To tell you the truth GA, I used to get Mother's Day cards because of my beautiful dog Peanut (in heaven now). That's my furry baby, so I understand furry parents getting recognition too. We take care of them in a very similar way; playing, feeding, vets, nursing wounds, gentle scolding, spending money, etc. I always said we just don't get to send them off to college, lol. Speaking of college, back to work!
As they all aged, only my Mom became more difficult to buy a gift, being she was in her 80's and later 90's, she had everything she needed.
I never had any children, so for many years I resented the day. After meeting my sig other, he would get me greeting cards from the cats and gifts from them :)
If you can't make it on the day set aside, go another day, and make that a Mother's Day just for you and your family.
This year will be difficult for me because it will be first time my Mom is not at home with me. Instead she is in LTC Memory Care Unit and in a w/c so I can't take her out for a meal like I usually do. I ordered flowers and I bought a Mother's Day that I will take to her next week. I won't stay long...maybe an hour because she gets tired.
You need to continue to take care of yourself and your needs and responsibilities.
Still it is always welcome to give and receive acknowledgements any day of the year, as well as on this day because people believe this day is special.
Showing up is the most important, even if it is the day before for an hour. Bringing a dessert, rather than expensive flowers or instead of taking them out to dinner on your , dime; wait times for a meal, and crowds.....
Trader Joes will have 99 cent cards, and great little desserts all in one place, including ice cream! This store also has great little plants, rose bushes under $10.
If you are going to send a card, mail it today.
If you are actually going, throw on something casual, drop by the store on the way there,
and surprise!
No one understands better than a mother if you cannot afford much.