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Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.

The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"

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Oh house flower, I can't wait for that day!!!


I'm glad things are wrapping up for you.
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Closing on my parents house is next week. Can’t wait to close the book on this situation. Still have dad in NH but at least the estate is done because it was all in my mothers name. Medicaid will take its due and I won’t need to have my siblings in my life anymore. It’s sad to write something as miserable as this but as my mother would famously say “It is what it is. “
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🤮 I try to wear my angel wings every day.
But sometimes I’d like to take them off and beat somebody with them.
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🤷‍♀️ I feel like I’m in season 5 of my life and the writers are just making ridiculous stuff happen to keep it interesting.
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🙄 Have you ever just sat and thought…
I’ve been through a lot of stuff…
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Scampi, I'm so sorry about your brother.
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My family was dysfunctional as he!!. My older sister was horrible to me and the golden child of the family. My parents took turns being immature jerks and threw all their responsibilities on me including my disabled sister. My older brother was the only one who cared about me even though he was fighting his own demons. He passed away this past February from cancer. I have another brother, but we are not close. Even though most of them are dead now, the trouble makers are still around.

I still have nightmares about them from time to time. My fibromyalgia is flaring up due to the damp weather here in DC.

Al-Anon was my saving grace, and all of the long time members have passed on and just a few of us from our old groups are still around.
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🙂 i tried to drown my sorrows, but the bastards learned how to swim...
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🙂 I love long walks away
from everyone.
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i've said it before, but just want to say it again:

🙂 i'm stuck between a rock
and someone i want to hit it with.
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I've known this for a while but never really cared or understood the ramifications of it.

I never ever wanted anything from my mom, but I always wanted what is best for her.

My younger brother who is POA, mom must of done a quick sale, because my brother is on the deed also.

When he did something, like the roof he acted like he was God, "I do this I do that" . It's his darn house!!

His house that he is really ruining at this point. Never put the gutters back up, after he did part of the roof. Now there is mold in the basement, an addition ceiling fell in and it was fixed but never painted been like that for 2 plus years. The shingles from the roof are illegally dumped in the back yard. Gutters from the other part of the house completely full and more mold. He paid to have a shower put in but the bathroom is still all torn apart, for 6 months.

And he is off boating all weekend every weekend with my ex. Many trees dead, one that will knock her power out when it goes

The worst part is Mom will never be able to go to an AL or a decent NH, now. And I'm sure this is why my sister disappeared.

I know he has health issues from 911, and serious PTSD, and we are taught to look up to those who serve are country but......

Just needed some venting

It makes me sad that mom is living this way
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Notry etc, You are talking to salespeople, they are putting some effort into you, and yes they want the sale agreed ASAP, even if it’s for the future. Perhaps you could be quite precise about what you want to know, so that they don’t spend 2 hours talking fluff around the important points. That would be a kindness to them, to match you feeling fine about wasting their time.
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Changing from my usual topics, I have some questions.

We and my wife's sister have a financial investment person. We have our finances in order as retired people. Do we need some other kind of financial person to help us organize to move into a continuous care place?

The only thing that sis and I need to do is set up our residences to sell.

We are not ready to move yet, but many of the people at these continuous care places sound like vultures. They want a decision today when I am just doing research. As I explained to one person, they want me to defend a doctoral dissertation before I have even prepared the proposal and had it approved.
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Yoda, I was confused about that because I didn't think it narcolepsy was curable
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Hi,

Correction.

I meant to say that Narcolepsy is not curable. It is only treatable.

My sons and sis are concerned about this and she watches me like an eagle. Thus, her new nickname, eagle eye. My wife, however, is used to seeing me and sis as the strong ones. Thus, she doesn't see what the rest of us see in myself or in sis. Sis is a stage 4 ovarian cancer survivor from back in 2000 with complications related to her treatment. We are no longer the mighty warriors that we once were. We are the same team that we became over several decades. We are prepared and rather certain that at some point, we are together going to just have to take charge for everyone's benefit and our own survival. This reciprocal platonic relationship is a great blessing. It is by far the deepest platonic relationship that I've ever experienced, but that out of necessity. We have been the mental health jedi of the family and each of us feel like going to an island far far away like Luke Skywalker did. We are not depressed like he was. We are tired. She tries to make my life easier as much as she can and I do the same. Recently, things developed such that she's invited me to the empty duplex next to her when I feel a need to escape.

Thanks for listening to this cranky old man. My psych says that I have earned the right to be a cranky old man at this point. Maybe so.
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I see this in myself as I have seen it also in others. I have seen that being the caretaker of one's spouse changes the dynamics of the relationship. It is further adjusted when you as the caregiver are diagnosed with a neurological disorder like narcolespsy which is curable and takes time to get someone rightly medicated plus waiting months to see a qualified specialist to begin the journey.

I am having to wait until June. My SIL, my wife and I are looking for a place in Greensboro, NC for the three of us to move to for continuing care, i.e. independent living, assisted living, and nursing home at some point.

Out of necessity, Sis, as I call her, and I are taking on the majority of this task. She has already had some interaction with Moses Cone hospital there and as a cancer survivor needs such a place. During our chat, I did a quick search for neurologists who specialize in narcolepsy. Wow! They have 4 whereas Duke only has 1 or 2. I am calling that place in the morning to see if my PC can refer me to a doctor there and they can see me sooner. Two years ago, Duke Hospital and Moses Cone Hospital were ranked equally.
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...if you're from a dysfunctional family, you probably haven't heard a real thanks in a while, if ever. so for all us caregivers here on the forum, i'll say it loud and clear:

THANK YOU for being your amazing self!
🙂🙂🙂🍀🍀🍀🐾🐾🐾
🐶🐶🐶
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🙂
"Make room for the right people to enter your life by clearing out those who don't belong."
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I can't believe that NAMI would post this quote. It says nothing we don't already know and gives us no hope for it to ever take place.

"It’s good to be a shoulder, cheerleader, friend, or support system; but remember, you deserve as good as you give.” Liz Faulblas

We know this, but who gets it and from where?
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An older family member is spending money wildly online. Is there a software made to protect them from such sites like there are for children.?
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🙃

“There’s nothing simpler than avoiding people you don’t like. Avoiding one’s friends, that’s the real test.”
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🙂 "I'm not grumpy in the morning. I'm just selective with my kindness."
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🙃 “Don’t forget to shout ‘Jenga!’ when everything falls apart.”
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words of wisdom 🥰

“Don't take advice from people who don't have to live with the results.”
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I have now found a real narcolepsy specialist to see. However, he is booked until the first of June. They tell me up there that they have so many cancellations it is possible I may see him sooner. Since I'm really not to drive right now, I will arrange transportation once I know more.

My sister-in-law is driving down on Tuesday to take all of us on a retreat that she wants all of us to attend. She is doing all of this driving because I should not drive and the pain meds that my wife takes make it illegal plus unwise for her to drive. Or that is what her pain doctors say.

My sister-in-law and I are the strong ones in this family. We have been through thick and thin plus had each other's backs for decades. However, our strength is declining. My wife, her identical twin sister, is upset that the source of her security is no longer Rambo and Super Woman. Well, we aren't.
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🙂 “My therapist says it’s your fault I blame everyone for my problems.”
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🙂 “My therapist says you need a therapist.”
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Yoda, I have to admit I may of been a bit of a flee yesterday, but it was also a tad bit fun.

Had a get together at moms yesterday, my golden child, decorated officer brother was there. He knows I will not accept anything other than treated corgerly from him. He was decent, but he also kept going in any room that I was not in. So I would conveniently go in that room, he would wait a bit then get up go into another room. Well I couldn't resist going into that room also, and was extra friendly to him

I suppose it was a bit flee like but I have to admit it gave me the 🤭 giggles.
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One of the things I loved best about my mom was how we could sit quietly on a park bench appreciating nature. Neither of us feeling the need to talk. Just enjoying one another's presence.
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Yoda, I think I would enjoy just sitting and not talking with you.

Most of the men 70 and over, talk a lot, and a lot about nothing. 😆
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