My mother is completely alone in life. Although she is not in a great amount of pain, she can no longer walk, dress herself or go to the bathroom. Her adult children are not in positions that they can stop working to look after her. Her care is approximately $10,000 a month out of pocket. No matter how "attractive" her surroundings are, living at this stage with no mobility is for the very wealthy, which she is not. It's clear that our society and the medical industry at large has not fully debated why we believe we should live as long as we can when in reality the cost and loneliness that accompanies a very long life is in reality a nightmare. My father and I worked diligently to make smart investments to weather whatever might come but there is no way that most working American's can actually afford the cost that is necessary to keep people alive when it's clear that they have lived much too long.
I don't mean to get religious but I think God predetermines how many years we live on this earth. So, if you die when you are 60 or live to be 115 it's not really up to you, the healthcare system or anything else.
Having said that, I agree. My Hubs is always saying to me "you and I are gonna live a long time" and I always reply, I'll be fine dying at 80 or somewhere thereabouts. I may change my mind when I'm 80. We'll see.
I know my Mom was ready to go for a few years before she finally went to be with her Lord. I guess he wasn't finished with her. I know I held on to her with all my might and was responsible for bringing her back from the brink of death a few times. Sometimes I think I was being selfish and should have just left her to die but who can do that? Not me.
Actually, of more immediate concern: what's your plan? Do we need to alert the authorities..?!
I can't work out whether it's the cost or your mother's state of mind that are troubling you more.
If it's the cost: why are you paying it?
If it's your mother's state of mind: how does a lady with children plural come to feel so alone in life? And what might you do to ameliorate that, if you want to?
I have to disagree that our society and the medical profession - I'd say, rather than industry - and the health care industry and policy makers within governments have not fully debated the ins and outs of longevity, quality of life, and cost of care. I sometimes feel that, in between elections at least, we debate almost nothing else. There have even been attempts to quantify: I cite the unit known as the QALY (Quality Adjusted Life Year) which is used in determining value for money in public health decisions; it really is, I have not made this up, and neither did Jonathan Coe in his novel "What A Carve Up" although I think a lot of readers imagined he was being satirical.
But you seem to be wistfully longing for the debate to come to a practical conclusion, with an agenda attached; and how can there ever be one?
Idly musing - why pick 90? Why not 80? Why not 70? What criteria are you using to determine the value of an individual life?
I wonder what triggered your post, whether it's anxieties about future financing or if you'd just got back from seeing your mother and felt wretched on her behalf. I'm sorry for it, either way. There is an awful lot of anguish being suffered out there.
At my mom's nursing home the activities director put together a poster of all the residents who were in the over 90's club - I was amazed to discover that there were close to 30 in a combined AL/NH with only 100 residents in total, almost half of them living on the AL side of the building. Age and disability are such relative things, I've known people who were "old" and needed care in their 70's and those who are not well past their 90's, I don't think it serves any of us to arbitrarily pick and age that is "too old".
I'm think the Belgian Tourist Board might have mixed feelings about this sudden surge in consumer interest.
be the glue that holds extended families together in a positive way.
It's the waiting around to die in pain, loneliness and misery that people experience
in demanding 24/7 care situations that I think lead us to seek the early exit. Entire families plunged into misery with no happy outcome. Not to mention the extreme expense of it. But is that really inevitable or have we inadvertently painted ourselves as a society into this corner due to certain lifestyle choices? Choices that end up becoming irreversible as we age?
When I go and use our workout facility here there is this lady who looks to be in her eighties at least and there she is on the treadmill beside me. She goes for at least an hour. She looks like she is hating every minute of it, mind you but then I probably do too. LOL One time she would glance over at me occasionally and I almost got the feeling we were in a race. :) She would probably win too. I just pray she doesn't keel over one day. Lord forbid. Then again it will probably be me who keels over.
I do believe that our days are numbered and God has made that decision and there is a reason why some live active, healthy fulfilled lives into their 90s and some are in a living nightmare at a young age. I don't know why but I believe there is a reason that only God can answer.
Live each day as though it were your last. Live, love and laugh as though each day were your first. There in is happiness.
town planning
vaccination
clean water and effective sewerage
antisepsis
Pasteurisation
anaesthesia
obstetric care
absence of major wars
more or less in that order of discovery. It's the things that kill young people that make the real difference. Antibiotics have been wonderful while they lasted but they didn't make the biggest jump. Blood pressure treatments and statins are just tinkering with the back end.
I really thought she would die. Everyone did. She looked me straight in the eye and said that she was not going to die because she was “too mean to die!” None of us could argue with her. She was dreadfully mean! Guess what? She beat the odds. She survived the breast cancer. So much for living your life right for good karma, haha.
Was horrible how it all began. At forty she did her first mammogram and they did not tell her the results. So she thought, no news is good news. Did not follow up to get results. Then taking a shower she felt a lump. Had been on hormones. Well, the cancer nearly killed her but she fought with a vengeance!
She sued the hospital, won tons of money for her children. Died not to long afterwards because she was a long time smoker. She then said, her mean behavior and fighting couldn’t save her any longer.
I personally don’t want to live to be really old if I am in poor health. I’m 63. I picked up a living will at the doctor. I definitely don’t want unnecessary prolonging of life if there isn’t any chance of survival for me.
Yep, she was a strong Irish woman. All things considered making it to 92 was no small feat.
My Gran had pithy statements for many things, and one of them was "When people get to be so old, they ought to take them out to a wall and shoot them!" She lived to 86, mobile to the last, and died swiftly of a stroke after enjoying a nice dinner at my mom's. She never said who "they" were and why/how "they" would make murderers of themselves.
I would be interested to know if you've heard of a sale to a child of a mortgage-burdened home of the parents. In this cozy arrangement, parents sell property to an adult child or to a specially designed trust for the long-term benefit of the younger generation and then lease the property back. The parents get:
Tax-free cash or out from under the mortgage.
A place to live.
The purchasers get rental income that, for tax purposes, is generally offset by related business expenses.