I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
Actually had no clue when my son was five that they can live 50 years.
I don’t have an HOA or board or any rules to follow .
The guy that lives behind me is a self appointed mayor.
It’s not just condos . I have a large backyard , my neighbor behind is not happy that I got rid of a long row of huge ornamental grass recently . It was costing a fortune to have it cut down each Fall and hauled away . So this time got it taken out for good . We call him the mayor. He’s out walking the neighborhood critiquing all day long . He should go back to work . He’s bored .
PamZ - I looked it up and mud shakes are Vodka based drinks. R said he has seen her son on the balcony with drinks so that may be it Or it may be her too.
cw - never had a mud shake or a mud slide. I think my neighbour is a little "different" personality wise and doesn't have great social skills. Neither does the cart nazi for that matter. R said he met the neighbour today and she was going on about how nice it was to have met me??? She blows hot and cold.
Oh well. 🙄
She my have an issue, tipping her cup a bit to much.
nacy - those things can leave a strong impression. Even at 12 you saw the sense in placement and the futility of anger over it.
Mother disinherited me once while I was her caregiver. That was my sister's plan according to my nephew. Whatever! I had already decided to look after her interests regardless of the state of any inheritance. Eventually she changed it back to what it had been - split between my sister and me. Again, whatever! Not that I am not thankful for some extra money, but it stays where it is and will be given to the kids when I go.
My whine is about the self appointed nazi's here.
A month or so ago my neighbour came up to me and said in a very snarky tone and with a frown on her face, "I hope you are behaving yourself!"
Like what???
I answered, "Of course, I always do."
Is she the behaviour nazi?
Next time I saw her she moved in for a "air kiss" and a hug from me and from R.
Like what???
He backed right away.
I noticed she had some cases of Mud Shakes on her balcony and I am wondering if she has a "problem". Her moods are up and down.
Today I was at the front door of the building with a grocery cart as Door Dash had texted me that they had arrived. A lady came over from the other side of the lobby looking displeased and mentioned something to me about me not leaving the cart lying around. I told her I don't. I return it when I am finished with it. She frowned.
Like what???
I guess she is the self appointed cart nazi.
A couple of weeks ago during a conversation with her and another lady, the 2016 evacuation came up. They both said, " Oh, it affected us all," and shook their heads and looked very put upon. They knew I was in it. I didn't say a thing. They were 500 miles from the fire and weren't the ones aged 72 driving out of town with no idea if their kids and grandkids were going to be OK, no idea where the fire was going and if they would have a safe place never mind a bed, food and drink etc. that night.
R has had issues with the key fob nazi, who is too interested in R's vehicle's but won't help him get another fob, which he needs as he has switched our above ground stall for the parkade stall of a friend whose truck is too big for the parkade. "Sure, I'll send you the information", then doesn't. The friend is away a lot and R hasn't been able to get ahold of him to get the fob and didn't think of it at the beginning.
There are pros and cons to condos. Those are some of the cons.
Rant over! 😊
I remember be glad he was someplace safe, and me at 12 didn't understand why my father was so upset.
Pretty much decided right then that , I will never get mad or want or fight for anyone's inheritance. I new it was wrong at 12, and I've always just shake my head at the people that put greed over there parents health.
I keep shoving it away but the dread is real.
Way, if your soft im soft and most of us here are. We are not soft, we care, which is a great quality 😊
Thanks .
You are correct , siblings come out of the woodwork once they find out parent’s money is being spent on long term care .
Some thought I should quit my job and forfeit my income to save inheritance for them . Like my mother , they believed caregiving was my station in life .
My sister was most concerned about the money. I quit telling her anything when that came out. She acted "superior" to me too. Going no contact was the right thing for me.
I'm so sorry the one sister you could relate to has dementia - that's another loss I am sure you are grieving as her perception of you is coloured by her disease. Sometimes life doesn't seem fair, does it?
I wasn’t the better person . I was the weak one and was groomed to be a servant . My sister told me , “ You were the soft one and Mom knew it “. My mother started telling me at a young age that I was to take care of her in her old age . Mom was an abusive narcissist as well her whole life , which explains why the siblings were mostly uninterested in what was going on , until each parent needed to be placed in long term care. Then all of a sudden they wanted a say. 3 of them always talk down to me , like they are superior . They learned that from Mom . I have very little to no contact with them . The only one I spend time with is the one that now has Lewy Body . She’s the one that told me Mom knew I was the soft one .
Yes , my nephew has thanked me many times for be supportive from a distance . He has been doing a great job . And yes. he is alone in handling this.
In the usual fashion, my other 3 siblings have gone silent . No supportive words for my nephew. They did the same over my parents for 10 years , until I placed each of them , then all of a sudden they wanted to be “ kept in the loop”.
I rarely asked one sister who lives close by to take one of my parents to one of their many doctor visits , when I couldn’t do it . She would do it , but wasn’t happy about it .
I wasn’t upset that no one offered to help , 3 didn’t live close by anyway .
But I didn’t get any supportive words either . In fact one sibling told me she was glad I got stuck taking care of Mom and Dad .
Another example : I was told I was “ wasting Mom’s money in AL because it’s just a very expensive hotel room with meals “. And this “ Can’t you just move in with Mom at her house ?” Apparently I was supposed to leave my marriage and my job for an undetermined amount of time because Mom wasn’t safe alone at home anymore . Mom also refused any ( hired caregivers ) strangers to come in the house .
It is what it is . I know I did the best that I could do . Nothing is perfect . I can’t help what they thought . Caregiving often highlights exactly who people are in families .
Yes my nephew is her son and a target as well , but differently . She hits him more with whatever her gripe for the day is . For example , when she was in rehab and they skipped her shower cause they were short staffed . How she hated rehab , wanted to go home . She tells him she’s too young to be there and can take of herself at home etc . She was living with him. Just the two of them ( both divorced many years).
But sis can not be home alone when he goes to work . He was trying to work from home , it wasn’t working out as she got worse . Also his bosses were getting annoyed , they wanted him back in the office . My nephew wasn’t sleeping well . And in general he said he couldn’t handle her bad days anymore .
Sis has it in her head that I must be behind nephew not bringing her home . I guess because I placed 3 people in long term care . That’s why she says I just want to put all old people away . I think she believes that she could persuade her son to take her home , but that I tell him not to .
It is what it is . I was more worried about my nephew , he was telling me that it was effecting him physically and mentally . He’s the one dealing with her daily gripes , not me . I feel bad for him . Right now she has him running to the store all the time . I told him to do one shopping a week for whatever she wants .I told him she’s doing that to make him come everyday . I can’t do anything for her from far away .
DH and I have mother in law ( divorced ) up at bat now . We are desperately trying to get her to go to AL for multiple reasons . We don’t live close by either . Makes it harder to make it happen . I guess my sister sees me as “ the placer “. I just keep placing relatives . To be fair, I took care of my parents for a very long time until it was absolutely necessary to place them.
Thanks guys. Coming here helps me deal with what I can’t fix , by trying to help someone else.
I hope your family stops shooting the messenger.
Placed my Mom in AL in 2017 ,
Along with my husband we placed his Dad in AL in 2022.
( They are all deceased now ) .
My nephew placed my sister in AL , actually he said it’s a nice board and care home , only 15 residents . This happened last week . Sister is blaming ME . She keeps texting me .
“ You just want to put all the old people away . You put me away too soon , I’m not as old as Mom was . How would you like to be put away in 10 years ? “
She is 10 years older than me , that’s why she says that . She’s only going to be 70 in March . I understand her being so upset . She feels her life is getting cut short . Mom and grandma didn’t get dementia until their mid 80’s .
Sigh ….I’m tired of telling people they can’t go home .
DH: can I help you put the sheets back on the bed?
Me: Sure; you can put the pillowcases on your pillows.
DH: (loooooooooong pause) Umm…..shouldn’t these be ironed?
Alva - can you get dressed up in rain gear and go out and do your thing. I used to love walking in the rain - as long as it's not cold and windy.
Nacy- I don't blame you. Standing around in the cold wind and rain is no fun.
Anti whine - found a good local tax accountant (family business). Another resource found and crossed off my list. Getting there!!!
It truly is an awesome sight.
Alva, funny East and West Coast having very similar weather. I looked out wasn't raining or windy, I thought I would be able to get a walk in. Got dressed and put came the rain. 😠