I feel lost... Can't seem to get my life back under control... Jobs are out there but telling some you've been a caregiver for over 10years turns them off... jobs are a lottery due to the internet, explains a lot when you think about it... I'm not even eligible for disability or SSI that the doctors tell me I should be on because I don't have enough work credits.
Our Government still doesn't recognize caregiving as a job they just see you're not contributing so they punish you.
I feel like no one understands and I'm trying to move forward but I'm not getting anywhere... so I start to feel what's the point.
Does it ever get better after the journey ends or is this my life now.?
Got a interview set up for Friday with a caregiver firm I just need work at this point to survive... purpose would be great to feel again too... I don't know how much more rejection I can deal with...
Can't stop the tears this morning and can't even tell anyone why I'm crying, hell even l don't know why I'm crying...
I never thought it would be like this after mom passed away, the world has changed over the past 10 years I feel so out of place.
You will find a job too. An opportunity will open up. Maybe volunteer in the mean time.
Get your resume ready. Start networking. It will happen.
Take care and many, many hugs to you.
I'm so proud that you've been sending out resumes and been out on interview! Two months after MY mom died, I was still mostly zombie-like. Oh, I went back to work, but I didn't really accomplish anything, just went through the motions. So I think that you are WAY ahead of the game here.
But the anxiety and stress of being jobless (you lost your job AS WELL as your mom when she passed) has left you with a profound lack of structure in your life.
I think you need to get in touch with your doc and then make yourself a schedule; Library, exercise class if you have a free one nearby, grocery shopping, volunteer opportunity. Make there be something everyday that you have to get to.
((((hugs))))))
Been working and caring most of the 27 years I cared but after 2 operations where I couldn’t work for 18 months yet had to continue caring somehow - then redundancy....
Been 4 years - 2 since dad died and still not had any help re work, disability or finance. (I was “good” and saved previously - more fool me!)
its early days yet for you and I hope USA help is better. Personally it sounds like you need a little time to recover from depression after your recent loss of your lovely mum before thinking of work - unless just a few hrs voluntary would help?
After caring for so long it does tend to feel like the world has moved on and left us behind. Maybe some refresher courses in whatever you did before? I thought of doing more caregiving - there’s plenty out there deserving of decent support - but after so long doing that plus working and coping with own disabilities, I’ve had to admit I just wouldn’t have the stamina for a full time job at it.
You deserve so much more and once you’ve allowed yourself some grieving time, think about what you’d like to do rather than “need a job” and ask for help in training or retraining if a new career choice.
It will get better - honestly - I’ve finally gone in a completely new direction - and getting support and advice - though still no money - yet!
The US Government doesn't reconize a family caregivers sacrafice.
I try and take time for myself but I'm on a knifes edge of just getting by.
Thanks for the support it does mean a lot to me... just taking things one day at a time.
Which I'd mind a bit less if they didn't pay it so much lip service, if you know what I mean?
Just hugs. You won't feel like this for ever, things will get better, but it takes time and it's hard. Fellow feeling to you.
Try yoga or Pilates if you can. If they are not available to you, try standing (or even sitting) up straight, with chin slightly up. Raise both arms up, in a V position, with hands up (fingers can point to the sky or be lightly folded over the palms). Hold the position for at least 2 minutes.
Many hugs!
Many hugs!
I understand the need to get back to work. I had to do it four years ago and I wanted to return to my profession. It took seven months for me to find something. I had to look in less competitive markets because locally I couldn't get an interview after four years of caregiving for mom.
Just think outside the box. Caregiving for me was a last resort. I would never be able to care for anyone else. Now I take care of me.
Best wishes to you.
While you work on getting the job you really want, please consider some service jobs (even part time) that allow you to connect with people. Chick-a-fil has a positive working environment and includes a position busing tables and making sure customers have drink refills and such. My 5 year old grand-nephew loves the older lady working at one local store so much he asks to go to that specific store to visit. There are other local restaurants here that need a little extra help during their rush hours; one has an 86 year old working the breakfast drive thru register because she's dependable when younger people aren't and she can easily make change. Getting back on a working schedule and getting contact with people back in your life is the important thing as you start to rebuild your life. A better job will come.
FYI: Please revisit SSI; my understanding is you don't need work credits to qualify for SSI, only financial need and being 65 or a disability if under 65.
Your BEST BET to get a job--get something in HEALTHCARE or LAW ENFORCEMENT. There is no shortage of sick people or criminals.
(1) IF bad comes to worse, call your local hospital and ask for a sitter job. In many cases they will train you to become a Certified Nursing Assistant (CNA) but you will need to take a State exam and get a license. The hospital will reimburse you if you pass it. You may be able to swing the CNA license with online courses. It's a computer test.
If you have a CNA license it will "sweeten the pot" getting sitter and home health opportunities -- oh yeah agencies do hire them. Even hospice has CNA job openings.
(2) Call your local sheriff's office and ask if they have any jail guard positions. I remember this one dude got fired up north, and moved down with his brother; he has a wife and child and was stressful situation. I told him to call the Sheriff's office and ask for a guard job. They actually hired him and TRAINED him with on-the-job training, then he took his LAW ENFORCEMENT license and got that and been working there for over a decade now. I don't know how old you are, but local community colleges do have law enforcement courses--it's only 6 months. As long as he lives, he will never forget that suggestion, and it really got him back to the pulse of living. He moved out of his brother's home and takes care of himself.
Life really sucks. I don't know what to say. But most employers DO UNDERSTAND about Alzheimer's. They had relatives or a close loved one go through it. I would not go too much into it, but simply saying you had to take care of your mom. it will explain a long lapse why one was not working.
I wish I could give you a hug, because I really wish you well, and I'm so sorry you are going through all of this. I lost my mom just last week and I'm struggling with reintegration into the "real world".
big hug - take tender care of yourself.
Sending you a big hug mad hatter..... I am so sorry you are going through this.
Take time every day to grieve. Cry when you need to. Write down what you are thinking and feeling. When you put your thoughts and feelings into writing, you are better able to recognize and express them. If they just stay in your head, thoughts and fears will roll around forever and never go away.
Write things "to your mother." Say what you wish you could say to her. Recognizing and expressing your feelings will sometimes make you cry, but that's OK. You need to cry to work through your grief. You need to let yourself experience the painful emotions, or they will never go away.
Don't rush into a job or activities you are not ready for. August is not very long ago. You are still all raw emotion. You are still re-living the horror story and the trauma of a loved one's death.
There will begin to be days when your mother is not the only thing you think about. Some day you will be surprised to smile at something amusing or to notice something that is beautiful. Some day you will smile at things you remember about your mother. instead of collapse in despair that she has died.
Good luck to you. Take the time you need. There is no rush.
I wish you well in this new phase of your life.
it was a lifesaver for me. What you are feeling is understandable. Sometimes we can get “stuck” in grief and it’s hard to move forward. I hope you will seek it out.
Try applying at HomeHealthCare - with your knowledge and experience, maybe you'll get lucky.
I can sympathize because I came mighty close to having to find work too.
Praying for you now.
I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. I just lost my mom too, September 29, after caring for her for 5 years. I retired to be with her 24/7 and now I am wondering what is it that I want to do. Grieving takes time. I lost a son, a husband, a sister, my dad, and now my mom. Look for something you feel comfortable doing and something you will be happy doing. I went to Walmart the other week and saw a young adult pushing their parent in a wheel chair and I started crying. I miss taking care of mom, she really was not hard to take care of. She had dementia and was hard of hearing, but other than that no meds of any kind. I pray for you that you find something you will enjoy doing and to let you know you are not alone in your grief. Hugs..
The job market in the 'black hole' of the internet these days is truly a nightmare. I know. It took me forEVER to find a job at 62 years old, and I have A LOT of skills, background, experience and references to boot!
I have a recommendation for you which I believe is a very good one. Go out and get your CNA............Certified Nursing Assistant certificate and then hire yourself out at $25/hr to people in Memory Care or Assisted Living Facilities who need extra care. You can pick & choose the clients you'd like to care for, and there are A LOT of family members who are looking for CNAs to help their parents these days. I work as a receptionist in a Memory Care community, and we have about 4 CNAs who come in regularly to help a few residents on an ongoing basis. They charge a 4 hour minimum, but a few of them do 8 or even 12 hr shifts. We have one woman who requires 2 12 hour shifts each day.............one from 8 am - 8 pm and the other from 8 pm - 8 am; I believe the rate for those shifts is charged at $20/hr. Some CNAs help clients by taking them on walks, helping with bathing, companionship even........the list is endless. There is only so much care that is given in Assisted Living, and many times, it's not enough and the families want MORE so they privately hire CNAs to do it.
You may have to work for an Agency or an ALF as a CNA for a while to get yourself established FIRST, and then you can create a client list from there. You obviously have the care giving know how and attitude, which is in GREAT DEMAND these days, that's a FACT.
Best of luck to you!
Based on what you said here, you did unpaid caregiving for your family member or were paid and did not report the earnings. The government is not punishing you, they are using the rules in place in regard to Social Security disability - you had to have reported earnings to qualify. Call SS office to apply for SSI or to inquire as to why you were turned down for SSI - perhaps not enough medical information to justify disability. You will need medical records showing inability to work in order to become eligible.
It is very possible, your caregiving activities are actually proof to the contrary -- that you indeed can work. Perhaps not at the job you would prefer, but have ability to do something to earn money. And, actually, with this huge change in your life, you may need to find work - get out of the house - out of the stay at home routine - be around others - and learn how to participate in life again.
You actually have a promising skill - caregiving. Not to the 24/7 extent to had before, but there are people out there who need help in the home. Some folks will hire someone to sit at a facility or hospital with a patient. A caregiving agency, like you mentioned, is a good start. You might also want to consider reaching out to church, neighborhood, etc to let them know about your experience and desire to work. Nursing homes are always shorthanded - another good contact - and some will cover the cost of the training.
No I never got paid by either of my parents to care for them.
My disabilities are a laundry list of issues nothing that's going to kill me mind you but unable to sit or stand for long periods of time without experiencing +10 levels of pain my body is just ate up with issues... I also suffer from anti-social disorder along with anxiety issues that are debilitating.
The thing that got to me was when I filed for SSI and or Disability they never even went to my personal doctor they just checked a few recent visits to the local ER and rejected me based from that.
My sister in law really struggled when her father passed away. She developed depression, worsening anxiety, sleep loss, dietary intolerances & put on a great amout of weight. Various things probably helped but I think finding a 'connection' (Worden's no 4 task) was key for her. She visits the grave regularly & put more photos around her house. It took time to feel the pain, heal & reconnect to her life.
The care work may be a good fit for your skills. Working in a facility may bring social support to you also, rather than giving support in people's homes. But ease into it if you can - part time (even volunteer 1 day a week). Try things out - see what fits. Be kind to yourself & take time out if getting overwhelmed.
I wish you all the best.