Husband's hearing loss is driving me batty!
Hubby is 63, has had about 75% hearing loss in his right ear due to an untreated infection many years ago. Now his left ear is getting bad--I find myself shouting at him all day. One of my kids said, the other day "Mom, why are you talking so loudly??" and I realize that it's because hubby cannot hear me when I use my "normal voice". He wears headphones when he watches TV to hear, so all other sound is blocked out. I have to find him to talk to him--I can't call out from another room. The kids will not leave the grandkids with him b/c he doesn't hear them. He also is kind of checked out, mentally, so he stopped "listening" to me years ago. This bothers me, but I have grown used to it. He can't hear the doorbell, the phone, the oven timer going off, sirens when in the car, dialogue on TV and normal toned conversation. He says "What?" "What?" over and over. He refuses to get his hearing checked b/c he says that his hearing is fine, the rest of the world mumbles. The ENTIRE rest of the world??? His mother is almost stone deaf, and her hearing aids drive her nuts because they pick up a lot of ambient sounds. He has not had his hearing checked for 25 years, certainly there's some better technology out there!! I have laryngitis today and trying to talk to him has been impossible--I have to write down what I want to say. I'm not totally w/o a voice, and my kids can hear and understand me, but tonight I hit the wall about this stubborn man who refuses to take care of this. He misses EVERYTHING. He's the dude in the theater going "What did they say??" really loudly b/c he misses 90% of the dialogue. Who else has dealt with this?? Some of this is genetic, I know, but not all. I told him all I want for Christmas is hearing aids for him. HE doesn't see that this behavior makes him look 90..and he's only 63!
I have a feeling he wouldn't wear hearing aids if you did get them for him; he's probably by now used to not hearing ambient noise and that might be too distracting and upsetting.
Sounds silly but you could text him or write out your message, perhaps on a tablet rather than something larger.
I think this is a problem that a lot of people face b/c elders often just won't wear their hearing aids. After seeing my father struggle to get them out, I understand why. I was actually concerned they might be stuck in his ear.
It was easier on me, too. He didn't accuse me of mumbling and not talking plain after that. He was always mad at me for him not hearing. I was glad that I finally didn't have to get right in front of him so he could see me talk. Saved a lot of wear on my nerves. He went to Beltone. They were expensive, but worth it.
About you being a nag... Nag, eh? Sigh.
No. A nag is a person who harps on endlessly and impatiently about trivial or insoluble grievances. Not someone who expresses her frustration about something that is not trivial, not insoluble, and is just as important to the person she's asking to do something as it is to her herself.
I don't suppose...
Would you consider booking his 'n' hers appointments at your local audiology centre and just springing it on him as part of a trip into town together? Lead him by example? The worst that could happen is that you get a clean bill of health and he sits in the car sulking.
I also have hearing loss and hesitate to go and get hearing aids because my arthritis is so bad I would not be able to get them in and out. I do hear that there are now some that the audiologist puts in and you have to go and get them changed every three months. Maybe I will do that when I have no other Dr appointments and am missing the attention. I think Medicare pays for a hearing test every two years. Should get my teeth cleaned as well it has been a year. Won't bother with the Eye Dr though she won't do my cataracts because she says I am too much of an operative risk. I can still see to drive so that is the main thing.
Midkid just get hubby one of those old fashioned horns and hold it up to his ear when you need to say something.
He is so stubborn and has told me "once and for all" he is NEVER having his hearing checked, he knows he's "slightly deaf" in one ear, but other than that he is FINE and quit talking about it.
Thanks for the "idea"--but it would be just like the gym memberships I got for the two of us. He did 20 minutes on the recumbent bike and pouted on the sofa for the remaining 40 minutes of my workout. Never went back.
This is a man who doesn't "hear" but who also doesn't "listen". These are 2 separate skills. He's beginning to plan for retirement and the FIRST step in that direction will be marriage counseling. We have no idea how to be alone together! Hopefully this will come up.
I did talk with her about her hearing. She is 91 and when my stepfather was alive, she lived with his hearing loss and knows how hard it is on others. We got her fitted for expensive hearing aids with a 90 day return policy. In the hearing center she was very pleasant and was enthusiastic about how much better she heard. Well she was great for a few days and then stopped wearing them and said they made everything too loud. I took her back to have them adjusted and then she told me she heard the same with or without the hearing aids. They stayed in the case and she never tried them. So I started making her wear headphones when watching tv in common areas. She didn't like that much so she started isolating herself in her room. My husband still complained about how loud it was even with the door closed!
It was horrible and I finally took her back to return them. Instead of returning them, the technician traded them for a different kind that was easier to put on! The technician also gave me instruction on how to get her to wear them. This put more stress on me. She couldn't put them in or adjust the volume so that was a total disaster. At one point she said the volume was good and I later found out that they weren't even on! It was such a pain in the butt! I finally took them back and told the technician that she wasn't coming back in and as her power of attorney and medical surrogate, I was returning them for a refund!
I think that you will have to find other options for your husband because if he is going to be difficult, it will become a major source of conflict.
Then the move to a facility. He can now blare the tv as loud as he likes. Mom lost her hearing aids soon after the move, maybe during one of her outbursts. Twisted number 2 decided not to replace them, they would just get lost again, even though they are insured against loss for two years, so now mom can barely hear. Sure doesn't help with her ability to hear or understand a conversation. But, I think that skill is gone anyway.
Lesson? Do not buy new hearing aid for someone with dementia because they are moving. They will more than likely be lost. Staff cannot keep track of everybody's hearing aids.
I hope we are all paying attention, so that when the time comes we will remember that our deafness is a pain in the butt to other people too and that we need to sort ourselves out with effective devices and use them every day. I wonder if we will..?
The hearing aids would work wonderful in the doctor's office but the next day nothing... oops, user error... Mom was afraid to push the ear piece all the way into her ear. Back to the doctor. Worked in the office, not the next day at home. Then 6 months later we were off to buy new and improved hearing aids. Rinse. Repeat.
The whispering also worked with Dad's own Mom half century ago who refused to wear hearing aids.
Cleaning wax out the ear would help Dad any time we noticed he wasn't hearing us. Mom refused to have hot water put in her ear more then once, she insisted on the nurse using luke warm... of course, that never worked on the wax. But to Mom, she had her ears cleaned... [sigh]
I keep hubby's ears clean of wax and do all I can. In the end, it's his problem. My kids have even spoken to him, 2 of them are Drs. and know what is out there and available, and he will not do a single thing to address the issue. Funny, he's mortified by how his mother acts, but he's exactly the same as her.
A Fraidy Kat
Sadly, we are not in a better place--his hearing is worse and now he watches TV with sound turned waaay up AND the closed captioning is on.
I have given up trying to help him. He can deal. Well, he can't, but I'm not owning the problem. He did have a fall at work a couple weeks ago b/c he could not hear the machine coming down the track and believe me, they are LOUD. He kind of jumped out of the way, but fell and sustained a serious cut to his hand. I have him as much sympathy as I felt was appropriate, and let it go.
Last Christmas all 5 of my kids told him what to get ME for Christmas: have his hearing checked and get SOMETHING to help him. Since he believed I set the kids up to do this, it made him even angrier.
I read that people with severe hearing loss are 5x more likely to develop "early onset" dementia. I don't know much about that, but he does seem to have dementia, the way he doesn't engage in normal conversation, then just jumps into the mix, since he can't hear, he looks like he's being kind of a jerk.
On the upside, I can mutter under my breath to myself and he can't hear.
This really made me sad, seeing a 2 yo post that didn't "get any better". It's actually a lot worse. (sigh)
Been dealing with for 36yrs. My husbands hearing loss is from nerve damage. He also has lost hearing completely in one ear and the other is following. You think I have gotten used to it but I haven't. I lose patience because he thinks he hears but doesn't. Lots of bickering because he missed an important word in a sentence. Find a friend who has hearing aids to explain how its changed their lives to be able to hear well.
We could be married to the same guy! I have a LOT of female friends who wear hearing aids of some kind, They say they are MUST HAVES in busy lives with grandkids and for those who are still working. I worry about my hubby--he was pulled over for speeding a few months ago in Canada and the mounty (I need to believe it was Dudley Do Right) finally got him to stop and asked him "Sir do you have any idea how long I have been following you-lights and sirens??" Hubby was clueless. "20 miles, sir. I would not have given you a ticket if you'd STOPPED in the first 5". This is not a first for him.
I think hubby does not want to hear ME. That's a big, part of the factor. And yes. we bicker constantly and I hate it. He only "gets" about 30% of what is going on at any given time. I cannot trust him to do anything I have asked of him, as I am never sure he heard me. The kids won't leave grandkids with him, as they know he'll not hear them. And yet, somehow, this is ALL MY FAULT. Go figure.
He still maintains that everyone mumbles. Oh, and my heavens, does he speak LOUDLY???? It's embarrassing.
He has no friends, just work pals. Many of the men his age in our church do wear hearing aids and if they bring it up (since it is painfully obvious he cannot hear) he tells them he's had his hearing tested and he's fine.
Here comes Christmas again. I want the same thing. Have his hearing checked. I am actually going to proactively book him an apt with an ENT practice at my PCP office. They do thorough checks and hearing tests. If after this he can't be helped, then I will roll with it. I just refuse to give up the belief that technology hasn't come a long ways in 30 years. We'll just see how this rolls out.
I am still sleeping in the spare room. He is in the master bedroom right now with the TV on so loud it can be heard from outside. (sigh)