My father, who has late stage Alzheimer's and is dependent on others to be moved in the home, grew up as a child of WWII in a death camp. Every day for much of the morning, my mom, also a displaced child in WWII, places my dad in front of CNN to watch the news, which lately is only the war in Ukraine. My father sits 3 feet from the tv and watches the bombing scenes and people fleeing. He cannot move himself away from the tv as he has had multiple strokes and engages sometimes with the people on tv as if he is present with them in the scene. Each day/hour sometimes we have to repeat to him that what he sees in not his past. That he is safe and it is not happening to him now. I tell her this makes his overall day agitated and fearful. My entire life, daily, I would hear something from my mom about her bad past in the war and the camps. And now, as I return home to help them, I am hearing the endless news, her stories, and feeling almost panic that he must endure this traumatizing news daily. There is nothing I can do. I love them dearly, but I wonder how I will feel "set free" as a second generation survivor of the war one day when I will no longer hear the reruns from my mom.
Towards the end of her life, with all her friends gone and unable to get out on her own, she spent hours in front of the tv. She watched the news channels so should would be 'informed' just in case. So she would know if there was a nuclear attack and she could do....what, she didn't know. But she would 'know'. She was always seeking out the news ...it was like she was feeding her addiction to feeling terrified. I ended putting child locks on the 24 hour news stations but leaving the local on since they only came on 2x a day. She could watch TTN (old movies), Hallmark channel, the music channels, etc.
I understand where you are coming from. I know that my parents will never forget the horrific childhoods they had. It is heart breaking. And I feel honored that my parents have told me their truth. I can't imagine how difficult it would be to look into one's child's eyes and tell them their history. My mom does not repeat her stories over and over again to change the past in her mind. She told me when I was young it is so none of us can ever forget it, it is like a punishment to the world for putting her through it. It is not told in a way to try to make me as a better person. My father tells it to me in that way so I learn to understand all people, as he has also written a book. Being a narcissist, she always needs to be the one with the worst condition, the worst daily hardships, etc. It has gone on forever over any topic, not just her childhood or the war. She has become unbearable to people. It's not like it's become worse as she has aged, it has always been this way. The difficulty I have is that she and I are his lifeline as he is regressing back into the old language. She knows she has the power to make me leave and I have no way to stop it if she decides I may not be here with them. I can take the brunt of it, but I cannot NOT allow her to put on the war channels as it is in her home. I also think she does this to see my reaction. Yes, mostly, I realize I have been venting. Thank you everyone for responding. I have learned so much about others' compassion. Yes, sadly the horrific experiences for the Ukrainians are real. With the human brain becoming more and more advanced, one would think something so barbaric could not be even real. Sadly, if we never learn this, man will one day bring the end to us all. We all need to be gentle on this world.
One part of PTSD is the repetition compulsion - putting yourself into a similar experience as the trauma, trying to control what happens and come to a different outcome - to master the situation where you were powerless and terrified.
Unfortunately for you, both of these mechanisms are active for both of your parents. The current war in Ukraine creates a 'perfect storm' of fear and pain.
Contact the VA, the nearest teaching hospital psychiatry program, hospice support groups, the local senior center, the state aging services department and ask for help for your parents, and for yourself in caring for them.
Sometimes aging parents listen to strangers better than to their own kids.
At one time in my area the local Jewish community groups provided training and resources for Holocaust survivors as they were aging, especially with dementia.
Thinking of all of you..this is heartbreaking.
Your parents (and esp. your father) will always remember what he saw, heard and experienced as a child. Keeping him away from war movies will not make him forget. It will make YOU more comfortable.
APS can't help him and I'm not sure he's being "abused". I don't remember you saying much about HIS reaction. Sometime people who have survived horrible experiences have an odd tendency, a desire almost, to revisit the experience in their minds, sometimes over and over...as if they can imagine it with a better outcome, think of a better response or perhaps accept that it really did happen to them. Sometimes they don't talk about it. I don't know, but, for some, it seems a compulsion. That may be part of what drives your parents want to watch the films.
There are few people, now, that can share their experiences (except maybe residents of Ukraine). If you feel it is harming him mentally, aggravating his dementia, by all means try to give him something else to do or to watch.
But no matter what, you cannot make him forget! Movies or not, it will always be with him.
Love can't fix trauma, so your job is just to love them..........please never forget how powerful it is in all the other ways it is given.