My mother is one of the most miserable humans on Earth, and has been for years. Whenever anyone has asked her "How are you doing?", for as far back in my memory as I can reach, I can never remember her saying "I'm fine". Now she's smoked herself to death. She has COPD, CHF, steroid-induced diabetes, a colostomy, osteoporosis, bone spurs in her neck, neuropathy in her limbs, brittle skin that tears at the drop of a hat...the list seems endless. She refuses to get out of bed to try to exercise to keep up any strength, and wants me to do more and more and more for her.
She's in the hospital right now because of a fall last week. She says her knees gave out.
I don't think it's so horrible that I just want this woman to finally have some peace, and yes, honestly, for the rest of us around her to have some as well. The discord and disharmony this narcissist spreads with her always ALWAYS negative attitude takes a toll. She will never change, and her health will only continue to go downhill.
I realize that I don't get to make the decision of when she goes, but I will admit that I do want her to. I think it's the only way she'll finally be "fine".
You don't need this stress to continue and you deserve to have a decent life.
Before discharge from the hospital, see if she can be placed in a rehab facility to receive PT. Or barring that, ask for an eval from the hospital PT dept about what 'exercises' and daily living activities can be reasonably expected from a person with all her limitations (though she may refuse to follow the recommendations--which is her choice & something you should not fret about).
She has a truly miserable quality of life.
With all she has going on, just let her be if she can't or won't make an effort.
Her prognosis doesn't seem to offer long term survival at this stage of her life.
Try to let her negative attitude & unpleasant behavior roll off your back.
don't feel guilty for wishing her death, it is a relief when a person passes after along debilitating illness. Many hugs to you. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
I cant believe how much we have in common. I have a narcissistic mother who has also destroyed herself physically and the lives of our family. And I'm stuck alone taking care of her. Like you I'm angry as hell, and have struggled with how to take care of someone with alzheimer's, lung cancer, nerve damage when I CANT STAND them. It's uncomfortable all the time for me. I have to strike this delicate balance between making sure her needs are met but also maintaining a distance so she cant suck me into her narcissistic swamp. Keep in touch- I haven't run into someone with a situation so similar to mine!
There has to be a better way!
Take care of yourself,
Carol