Has anyone brought their Mom or Dad home to care for them, then figured out it may not have been the right decision? I am caring for my Mom. We moved her in with us and she is recovering and receiving all her in home rehab, complete care. I am her only child and though I love and want the best for her, I just don't think I can do this. This is not how I would feel if it were one of my children, or my husband. We were never super close and have some negative history. We have gotten along better these past 5 years as she moved close to me, but it will never be what I wish it would be. She is very thankful to be here, has a great attitude about recovery and is not demanding, just needs everything done for her and I think she just expects it to be this way.
My husband and daughter help, but they both work. I put opening a business on hold and am at a point in my life where I would be able to spend time with my husband or traveling to see my children and grandbabies. I am having a Caregiver come in for 6 hrs a week to start so I can get away. Spending almost every waking minute with my Mother is very hard. I am trying to give her every opportunity to recover to her fullest extent before talking about a LT Skilled Nursing Facility or Daycare wher there are activities and socialization, I'm just having a hard time holding out. I may even consider talking to her about having people here 20 hours a week until she is d/c'd from in-home care/therapy, to give us both a break. I know we all feel differently about the type of devotion we should have for our parents and I can respect and appreciate each person's belief, but I finally think I've admitted to myself that I do not want this to be my life, like this, not now. And I do struggle with being that type of person and having these feelings. Has anyone felt this way and decided to change their situation? How was the outcome? For the record, Caregivers do not recieve enough recognition! Thank You in advance...
Its hard to enjoy a parent when u are doing everything for them. By the time Mom was in LTC she had no idea what was going on. It was so nice just to visit and let others do the work.
I have a split level. Mom was in the bottom level. She had her own sitting/bedroom area, a bathroom and easy excess from the house. She could see us walking around upstairs. Since she could not do steps, I had a baby gate across the stairs. I did not spend every waking hour with her. I fed her and got her dressed in the morning. I cannot stand daytime TV so sitting with her all day would not work. DH kept saying I should bring her up with me. No, all she could do was watch TV, it would have drove me nuts. We usually went out to eat dinner. Was a time to socialize with people we ran into. When we got home, she sat with us watching TV until she got tired.
So, as Mom is doing better, back off little by little. Find a place to be alone. I did place Mom in an AL. I felt she needed the interaction.
Your mother has reached the point where she needs constant care. This is not something an adult child can usually provide. Your relationship with her will probably improve if you don't have this overwhelming burden to deal with.
Please, stop feeling guilty. The important issue, always, is this: what is the best thing for you mother? The best thing is for her to receive the best care, and to have the highest quality of life possible. There are no other seniors living at your home for her to interact with, and no group activities to enrich her life. There's no way you can provide those yourself.
What is the best solution? Only you can decide. Certainly, 20 hours of assistance would be better than 6. But 24 hour care in a facility where they are trained to deal with these situations is most likely preferable.
If your mom is mobile, you can pick her up as often as you like to go out to lunch, take a walk, take a drive, whatever. You can do FUN things together, and you can leave the daily care to the professionals.
Finally, the answer to "that type of person" is this: caring, loving, and wise.
The longer you wait, the harder it will be.
I honestly can't see what you're doing wrong!
And yes do for heaven's sake increase the respite hours rather than become allergic to your mother's constant company. Perhaps even consider respite care in a good facility where she can continue her rehab therapies, and get a proper break to recharge your batteries. Ask the current in-home providers about it, they may know of places locally.
Surely there's a way to continue a loving relationship with your mom that doesn't involve completely sacrificing your own life. I vote for finding a new situation for your mom.