I fly in every 8 -12 weeks to help out and stay 5-7 days. She started accusing me after my dad passed and his caregivers were out of the house. She will have nothing to do with caregivers coming to the home. She resented my father for needing that level of assistance. She's always had some sort of personality disorder but she is oblivious. She was an unaffectionate mother and always had some level of paranoia in her, but not it's just getting worse and now the accusations of stealing have switched from the caregivers to me, but not either of my brothers. One brother lives close to her still, but goes over sporadically "as needed". His daughter takes my mom to the grocery store and doctor appts (or I do when I am in town). My other brother also lives out of state and goes in maybe twice a year and he has her Health POA. He won't approach her to get checked for dementia, although he believes she has it. I take care of her bills, taxes and investments as the POA, but she will never think she's got a problem, she's never wrong, never apologizes for anything. She can't drive. She very hard of hearing and she can no longer read very well with wet macular degeneration. I do alot when I'm in aside from the finances. I take her to her appts, shopping, etc. I try to find visual aids to help her see. I'll repair things around her townhome as needed. I looked up her old boyfriends on ancestry and internet per her request to see if they were still alive, etc. As the daughter and oldest in my family, I have always taken on the responsibilities needed in the family. The brothers are passive mostly and are probably just happy she's not accusing them of stealing. A therapist has been advising me not to go visit anymore, but since I'm POA I do need to get certain things done. My mom still talks to me over the phone as I need her to send things to me for her taxes, but I notice it's all business (she hasn't ever really asked about my life in years). It's just so hurtful and difficult to anticipate being around her. I dread going and I usually need a few days to decompress after. I call it the Mom hangover. I just can't tolerate being accused of stealing when I'm not and I am the one who helps her the most outside of my niece whom she depends on for weekly shopping. Anyone have this problem and how do you get through it?
Consider resigning your POA via the lawyer who set it up.
I appreciate you taking the time to reply :)
And stop going over there every 2 months. Listen to your therapist.
No, she is not completely independent and she does belong in assisted living. She won't go. I am not going to force her.
I appreciate your reply.
I tend to agree with your therapist. I don’t think I would want to be involved in your mom’s life if she is accusing you of stealing from her.
This situation has to be agonizing for you since her behavior has always been chaotic.
She needs to go to the doctor for an actual diagnosis. What is preventing this from happening? What about the possibility of a UTI? This also causes irrational thoughts in the elderly.
Please keep us updated on your situation. We care.
Wishing you peace as you navigate through this difficult period in your life.
I am getting a little better at the boundries and handling her negative behavior. But it's difficult. My youngest brother cannot handle stress in his life and he's the youngest too, so... not used to anticipating anyone's needs or being proactive on anything.
Thanks!!