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Call Adult Protective Services in her area and report her as a vulnerable adult who is refusing to allow help.

Consider resigning your POA via the lawyer who set it up.
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Cindy13 Mar 9, 2024
Thank you Barb. I'm not quite there yet. APS would be a last resort. I'm really just perplexed on why she might be singling me out for stealing her pictures and some other things. She is not nice when she does the accusing. But with my brothers she much more benign "I have to ask, do you know what you did with Dad's wedding band?" Vs. to me "Yes! Of course there's something wrong! You're stealing from me!" I have a million possibilities, I just thought someone might have experience with this.
I appreciate you taking the time to reply :)
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Anybody that needs 20 people to help them function is not independent. Your mom needs to be in AL.

And stop going over there every 2 months. Listen to your therapist.
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Cindy13 Mar 8, 2024
I don't plan on going back as often. I'll be preparing finances so I don't ever actually HAVE to go back. It will depend on her behavior.

No, she is not completely independent and she does belong in assisted living. She won't go. I am not going to force her.

I appreciate your reply.
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Wow! What a tough thing to deal with. I’m so sorry that you are going through this.

I tend to agree with your therapist. I don’t think I would want to be involved in your mom’s life if she is accusing you of stealing from her.

This situation has to be agonizing for you since her behavior has always been chaotic.

She needs to go to the doctor for an actual diagnosis. What is preventing this from happening? What about the possibility of a UTI? This also causes irrational thoughts in the elderly.

Please keep us updated on your situation. We care.

Wishing you peace as you navigate through this difficult period in your life.
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Cindy13 Mar 8, 2024
I appreciate your reply. The reason we have not gotten a diagnosis is that she doesn't want one, and none of us want to force it. She already accuses us all of saying she has Alzheimers, which none of us other than my dad has ever done. It makes her angry. The latest doctor (it's revolving door with them leaving the practice - she's on her 3rd one) is leaving the practice to move. So there may be an opportunity to ask the doctor to check her, but her last one told her she should have help in the home, so naturally she didn't like her. At her last visit, my niece took her and all I got back from her was that the doctor thought she was doing really well for her age.... She can still keep her crazy together in front of strangers. And thank you for saying it, it is agonizing and my brothers don't help with it. I'm usually the one who takes charge, but I will not in this case. My brother with the POA needs to step up, but he hasn't and won't yet. He is waiting for her to fall or have a crisis before he'll deal with it. And honestly, that is probably the only way she'll ever agree (or be forced) to go to AL. She should not be living alone as it is , but she refuses to consider it seriously right now. Somehow she is able to get around the house, prepare her food, shower daily and get to the store with my niece. My brothers and I are amazed she is still alive with diabetes, COPD or emphysema (undiagnosed) and no doubt heart disease (she refused to give us any medical information), but the diabetes she can't hide.

I am getting a little better at the boundries and handling her negative behavior. But it's difficult. My youngest brother cannot handle stress in his life and he's the youngest too, so... not used to anticipating anyone's needs or being proactive on anything.

Thanks!!
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