We are told to come, that the ‘emergency’ has to be solved immediately, and we take the word of the people on the ground as to what we ‘ought to do’. Should we ask if there are ways to cope for a couple of weeks, while things settle down – and time to rearrange our own lives? Should we plan to visit for a couple of weeks to make our own assessment of needs – and whether there are alternatives.
I’m asking after a post that says “I feel like I was lied to just to come back and get stuck”. Perhaps the alternatives should be discussed!
When my brother was hospitalized with his last illness (sepsis) it wasn't at all clear what was happening. There were many falls suddenly and he felt that he "had the flu". Suddenly he was hospitalized and a small sore on his shin had turned into sepsis. It all went like a wildfire and it all was during the beginning of covid lockdown. There are always things in HINDSITE that make us judge what we did at the time, but we can't know or predict them.
All we can do is the best we can with these situations, but keep in mind we are not God. People will have emergencies. Sometimes we will be able to reach them in time and sometimes we will not. My mother had an emergency years ago during her last few months with cancer. I couldn't leave work, but I was able to get an ambulance to the family home to take her to the hospital. I was with my patient and couldn't bolt and leave my client alone. I went directly to the hospital after my shift ended. I think I took a cab.
An emergency for one person may not be for another. I think I would want details to make that determination.
If I were to call my sister or daughter and say.."This is an emergency can you come" They would know that they better be planning a funeral. I am not the type to call and ask for help (and that may be what leads me to call in an emergency)
I know others that would call if they can not get the lid off a pickle jar!
But in any case the best thing you can do is get all the information that you need.
Is this a Hospital emergency and do you need to call 911 or has 911 already been called and your LO is on the way to the hospital?
or
Do you need to get the rubber gripper for the jar out of the back of the junk drawer?
What is the old saying.. "Forewarned is forearmed; to be prepared is half the victory"
So I guess the answer is another saying "Know thy enemy and know yourself."
I guess distance is a key here. If your LO is 15 miles away an "emergency" can be handled differently than if your LO is 1500 miles away. And are you working or are you retired?
Keep a level head, never put yourself at risk.
If you LO is taken to the hospital the medical staff will do what needs to be done to treat your LO with or without you there. If your input is needed they can reach you by phone and get any authorization needed. Frankly if you show up at the hospital and it is a trauma you will not be able to see them until they have been treated and are stable.
And if it isn't a true emergency...your LO can go without pickles.
Anything else can wait.
I learned to stop and think….
Is this a true run now emergency or is it EXPECTATIONS by others that I run now ?
Since they were so adamant to stay “ INDEPENDENT” in their homes , I decided they had to learn to wait for me to come sometimes . They didn’t like that .
I wish I could remove these two words INDEPENDENT and EXPECTATIONS from the English language . I can’t stand them.
Moving and leaving one’s life, job, home behind is unreasonable in general . That OP should have taken it more slowly . Visit , assess situation , explore the options .
I had the same rule as Beatty. I went back home within 24 hours.
That's adrenaline for ya.
I get the shakes. And sort of tunnel vision survival thinking. I turn up with my coat & water for short term events or the full kit of emergency credit card, cash, phone charger, a blanket, a hat, a packet of dry biscuits, tin of tuna & apples for longer. (I know I can live for 24hrs anywhere with that).
I have ZERO intention of anything beyond 24hrs. That is for paramedics, nurses, doctors or any other professional I hand over to.
Then I go HOME.
She is a caring person, with a big heart and lots of love for her mom, and also hasn't lived long enough to figure out just how rotten some people can be.
That's one thing about caregiving is how much it has taught me. It changes you, mostly the people you have to deal with changes you. Untill I joined this forum I lost my faith in humanity. A very bad place to be.
My Dr told me I probably had *compassion fatigue*.
It has take much time to shift.. & not lifted entirely.
For some reason this forum helps enormously 🤗
I believe that when we react quickly without exploring all options first, that that is when we often get ourselves in way over our heads, and end up frustrated and regretting our initial choice.
We see that all too often here on this forum, and you can't help but wonder if these folks actually took the time to think things through before jumping into the fire. My guess is that they didn't.
But you live and you learn, and there are some of us that have to learn things the hard way.