My dad has been diagnose with dementia and has a really week heart. A heart fraction of 15%. Doctors have said he is in the end stages of heart disease. He has been on the decline since December 2017. He kicked my mom out of the house and they have since gotten a divorce. He only has social security and as soon as he gets his check he spends it - paying no bills. He has a spending problem. He doesn't take his pills correctly and goes to the hospital once a week to get drained. He gets around 5 liters of fluid off his stomach each week. He is very stubborn and won't go into an assisted living program. He is currently living in a trailer that he bough once my parents sold the house. He doesn't have water or electric hooked up. He often asks for money and I used to give him money to help him with gas and food, but I have currently stopped that and he now refuses to talk to me. He has been really mean and it's not my dad anymore. From here I don't want to take guardianship, but I know the state will. I wonder if anyone has had this kind of experience. Thanks
A call to Adult Protective services might also work but if he does not allow them in they can not do anything.
I am very surprised the Hospital has not said or done anything. If he returns to the same hospital every time they should have noticed something. Without water I can not imagine that he is washing laundry often nor would he be bathing often. Can you contact the hospital and talk to a Social Worker? Or are you contacted when he goes to the hospital? If so ask to talk to a Social Worker at that time. Due to the privacy laws THEY can not tell YOU anything but you can certainly inform them of what you know. (Unless you are listed on the forms that you Dad signs that they can discuss findings with you.)
Unfortunately in many cases nothing can be done until a "catastrophic event" occurs. But we should do what we can to prevent one.
Hadn't you better contact your local social services and get their advice? I don't for a moment disagree with your decision to stop funding your father's precarious situation, I can't see what else you could have done: I'm sure you were correct that you were merely supporting his ability to reject help that he badly needs.
But it is just such a pity that your parents' marriage came to this and that his behavioural problems weren't flagged and addressed by his medical team long before. I feel for all of you especially because my own mother was diagnosed with CHF in the mid-'90s, and I swear nobody but nobody even mentioned vascular dementia until 2012 - even though it's medically well recognised as a very common result of long term heart disease. When I think how much better I could have coped if I'd had been given just a little heads-up much earlier on, it makes me want to spit.
But never mind the "if onlys". I hope you'll be able to get good, practical guidance from your local services - ideally from people who don't hope they can bully you into doing their work for them.
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