I am newly married and finally getting my life on track at a late stage- I want to be there for my parents but not to the level my siblings do. I have recently made this clear and now my parents won't talk to me and my siblings are furious. This is sooo hard. Has anyone else had issues with sibling in this arena?
You are allowed to say no.
"I have recently made this clear and now my parents won't talk to me and my siblings are furious".
They want you to change your mind & am hoping their sulk or anger will do it.
Stay the adult. Stay reasonable. Repeat your no with calmness to the angry ones. Let the sulkers sulk.
They have zero power to make you DO anything afterall.
** You are not responsible for other's reactions to your no **
I want to get married and have a career by next year but I'm afraid she will continue to manipulate me even if I do manage to escape
Back in my 20s, my Mom demanded that I come home. I didn't. She took me off the will and she told me she was going to do it. I told her to take me off.
She was mad. My father was secretly glad that I stood up to her as it showed I was an adult. I got married. She got more mad, but there was nothing more she could threaten me with.
We continued to talk. The relationship was strained. I was careful not to ask for anything financial. Any advice she gave me, I told her that I might or might not use it.
30 years later, she finally realized that I was much more successful than she ever was and told me so. I was on my guard because any compliment from her usually had a something attached. I continued to refuse all financial gifts from her and rarely asked or used her advice. My sister and brother were given lavish gifts for complying to her wishes.
20 years later, I'm the one she is trusting with her money and her life. She doesn't trust the others as they can be bribed (her words).
Life has a funny way of revealing itself.
Stand your ground and become successful. Keep the lines of communication open, but only on your terms. It may take years, however, at least you know that the success was all yours.
Yes it is hard that your parents don't talk to you. Tell yourself: "My parents are being unreasonable, and I can't change that. All I can do is accept it and let it go." Tell them, if they listen, that: "When you're open to it, I am willing to help with __, ___, and ___. That's all I can do, and I hope you will accept it."
Yes it is hard that your siblings are furious. They are thinking they have to help more since you help less, and they are also wishing they could do what you do which is help less. Tell them: "I love mom and dad, but I am not willing to ruin my health and my marriage for them. I offer what I can offer. I hope you all will accept it."
What is it your siblings are expecting you to do?
It's great when families can divvy up the management of the care of elderly family members. Someone helps out with arranging doctors appointments, someone with financial acumen has POA and pays bills, someone arranges in-home care.
BUT often there comes a time when all of this falls apart. Someone has to have the good sense to say "nope, you're not independent any longer and you need to live elsewhere".
Is that you?