So I'm feeling like a complete sissy!
I have always been the rock for everyone!
I totally get the fact that the things that have occurred over the last 5 months have changed my life for an indeterminate period of time.
I have become responsible for truly 3 other people. My Mom, my Aunt and my seriously crazy cousin.
I know I'm not nuts, but when do you know it's time to go talk to a professional?
Will this just pass?
How do we just get over grieving our once peaceful life?
Caregiver burnout becomes a serious problem, i.e. serious to the extent that it can have terrible consequences, when the damage done to the caregiver impacts on the person or people he or she is caring for.
In only the last couple of days there have been examples (including on the forum) of loving, caring, good people who have been driven to treat their loved ones cruelly and abusively. They are under such strain that they have lost sight of what they themselves want and are trying to achieve. Impatience becomes rough handling, frustration becomes spite, the longing for just a short break turns into neglect of immediate needs. It escalates from there.
And don't think it can't happen to you.
It’s time to speak to someone whenever you want to. It does help. A therapist has a way of helping us to see what we need to see. They truly are that outside objective voice. I would recommend it.
Best wishes to you. Take care 💗.
The realization that this could be more than a decade of caring for them is disturbing, but true.
I guess I thought we would get into a groove and things would be easier. It seems as though my loved ones are only going to decline and so is my anticipated groove.
Hang in there nymima!
I'll try to do the same!
God bless!
and it is hard.. Hang in there. I didn't realize how hard it is or was.. I don't know. I haven't talked to a "professional" .I use this Aging Care site as my "professional". I blog and get things off my chest. My advice to others, as I stated in one answer, are for reading, absorbing, and take what you want, discard what you don't want or like. It may help out later. Captain, who was on the site for a long time, is great.. I like his opinions. He is honest all the way..
Just hang in there. If you feel you need a "jump start", then find one you like and trust. Trust..
I lost a number of LO's in the past few years, very very close. I like to think they are up there, laughing at me, and saying I really screwed up...Or, hopefully, you really screwed up, but you meant well... One way or the other, You can be your own worst enemy.. DO NOT DO THAT... You are doing the best you can with the tools you have... And you ARE OKAY.... You are allowed to be the rock that wobbles when stepped on once in a while... Rocks can be rocky at times, as the paths that you take. You got to roll or role with it. Just stand up, dust yourself off, do a quick check. We are human.. You are allowed to feel that way.. If you can't do it, who can? And if you feel you need a talk with a professional, then make the appointment. It is okay. NObody should judge you.. Nobody.
You're spot on. And I also come here to vent. It does help to get things off my chest here instead of to my hubby.
I think while I have been trying to get two LO's settled into to assisted living in two different places and everything that goes with it , I have not been mindful of the time of the year. It's been close to 2 years (the week before Easter), that my brother committed suicide. Something that I honestly don't know if I will ever understand, however as you pointed out, it doesn't get better you just learn how to deal with it.
It still haunts me, but I don't dwell on it anymore. Easter is still kinda rough.
Thank you so much for your insight and support!
Praying for you and your family.
God bless and keep you!
There are times when I think I can't care give one more second. During those times I have learned it is my cue for some alone time. For me, that is a quick walk around the yard, petting my dog for a few minutes or simply plopping on the couch to watch a quick few minutes of the news. I come on here late at night or when mom sleeps. These few simple things help me decompress and refuel. I also pray a lot.
So I hope that you can remember, this too shall pass. If you need professional help then seek it out!. Whatever is going to help you come to terms with your current situation. Even if you find that caring for three other people is depleting you to the point that it is harmful to you, then get out! It isn't worth it in the long run.
Sometimes letting our loved ones go into facilities or have them hire other caretakers is the best for all concern.
Best wishes to you and please keep us posted to how you are doing.
Although I don't have any thoughts of suicide (because I totally know the carnage that's left behind), I absolutely appreciate the fact that you brought up the subject! And the info!
Good for all of us that are in this together to know!
You are not a sissy. Your life matters. Please get help ASAP.
Also, for many of us there are rewards for caregiving. For starters, it can feel good to help someone when we can. That can add to our confusion. I think the bottom line is we all must set limits on how much time and energy we can give to caregiving. Often some stronger boundaries are needed. Please see previous post on this site about setting boundaries.
I assume you're Dad's POA.
I haven't even looked into reimbursing myself for counseling.
Because it's your Dad, I'm sure he's good with it, but do you know if it's within POA guidelines? If not, I will see what I can find. One of my biggest stressors is praying that I am doing everything legally. It's overwhelming.
Like you, there's no telling when the tears are gonna start.
It's awful!
Hang in there! God bless!
"After the death of my Uncle, I have found myself responsible for my Aunt. They have a son. He is mentally ill and abusive towards my Aunt. I have found her a wonderful assisted living facility in California, but I would love to have her closer to me in Montana. Her son is in a homeless shelter and cannot do anything to care for her, but I hesitate to move her away from where he is. I truly need advice on what to do. I am grateful for any advice you can offer . I'm feeling very lost in this totally unexpected situation. Thanks for your support!"
You have choices. It sounds like you have bitten off more than you can chew. As sad as it is, you've done what you can for your aunt. You cannot also take on *her* "homeless" son.
As long as you continue to try to carry your mother, your aunt and your aunt's hopeless son atop your shoulders, no, this will not "just pass" and something will give e.g. your health, your marriage, your work, etc. If you consider yourself a fixer then seek help immediately from a professional who can help you extricate yourself from this triad of tragedy.
I am "The Fixer"!
Time to seek out a therapist!
Thanks!