My step father died 2 years ago and my mother begged me to move 1000 miles to Texas to help her. I also have problems with arthritis so at age 62 I took early retirement and moved down here. My mother has turned out to be an evil hateful person who has told me to get out of her house because she forgets things and believes that Im doing things behind her back, She went somewhere in her car and lost her cell phone and house key and swore I had stolen them. then yesterday she was sure i had tried to break into a bedroom that doesnt have a lock on it. I spent 7000 dollars moving down here and have supplied her with all of her food and paid her bills even though she is definitely not in any need of that. I have no choice but to move away because my social security is not enough to live in the area that she lives in. somebody needs to step in and force her out of the house before she burns it down or hurts herself but im done.
Wishing you the best of luck.
She should have a full exam this includes a Neurologist appointment.
Seeing an Elder Care Attorney should be part of your plan. If mom is not cognizant, (even before a doctor diagnoses "dementia" if a lawyer talking to her thinks that she is not competent he/she will not allow her to sign any documents.)
Once you have a diagnosis of dementia you can make plans.
Will she need Medicaid?
Can you care for her at home?
Will she need Memory Care (not Assisted Living)
If you do not want to take on the responsibility of being her Guardian the Court will appoint one. The court appointed Guardian will then make all decisions as to her care and where she will live.
Call 911 if necessary, if she's flipping out and acting unhinged.......get her to the ER and they can test her for various things to see what's going on organically so you'll know. If she's got dementia at play, then you can get guidance from the social worker at the hospital about getting her placed.
The Elder Care atty advice Geaton gave you is sound as well, and a good place to start about getting POA for mom if you don't already have it, and if you're willing to take that on. An EC atty is also great for getting guidance in this matter, in general.
Her accusing you of 'stealing' and trying to break the door down is ALL symptomatic of dementia. Please do not let her drive anywhere (hide her car keys for now) until you get her diagnosed.
You didn't know what was going on when you so graciously moved to Texas to help your mom. You are righteously gobsmacked by this unhinged behavior that you do not understand and were not expecting. But something is going on here with mom that is organic in nature, and not something she's spitefully doing to upset you, I'm sure of it. I watched my mother suffer with dementia for 6 long ugly years, so I know what it looks like *unfortunately* Please don't give up on your mom quite yet, before you get her to the doctor or call 911 to get her seen at the ER.
GOOD LUCK and Godspeed!
based on the OP statement:
'My mother has turned out to be an evil hateful person'
I agree, since OP said 'has turned out to be', rather than 'has always been'
No where do you mention dementia, which she very likely seems to have, based on the behaviors you are describing and assuming she wasn't necessarily this way 2 years ago or you wouldn't have moved down there. An accurate diagnosis is very important since her behavior can be symptoms of other medical issues, such as a UTI, dehydration, vitamin deficiency, thyroid, high blood pressure, diabetes, tumor, etc. I think your first act should be a diagnosis. A UTI can lead to sepsis if untreated (and death) and they are extremely common in elderly women. At this appointment you can discretely ask the doctor to perform a cognitive/memory test as well. An accurate diagnosis helps you both to make appropriate decisions about her care and affairs, even future medication, if needed for anxiety and agitation.
IF your mother has dementia, for which there is no cure, she has no control over, and just gets progressively worse as she becomes less able to care for herself -- then you must decide what you are and are not willing/able to do for her.
If you are not her DPoA, and she wishes for you to help her, the condition that you help is that she legally assign you as her DPoA, if she is still competent to do so. Make an appointment with a certified elder law attorney. This lawyer will interviewe your Mom privately to see if she can comprehend what assigning a DPoA means for her. If the attorney finds she understands, then the document can be created. It doesn't matter is her memory is good or bad, only that she is able to comprehend what she is doing at that moment. Having DPoA will give you legal authority to move her to a facility if it is in her best interest -- and if she has the funds to pay for AL or MC. The payment for DPoA should come out of her resources, not yours -- but you may decide it is worth paying for it yourself.
If you can't get her voluntarily in to the doctor or attorney...then guardianship is the only other option. Either you pursue guardianship through the courts, or you call APS and report her as a vulnerable adult and they will eventually acquire guardianship by the county. If this happens you will no longer have any visibility or control over her medical and financial affairs. Everything will be managed by the guardian, including what happens to the house. If her house is your residence, this will have to be worked out with the guardian.
There's more to this but you need to start somewhere. Info given to you on this post will hopefully be enough to help you take a step forward and at least decide what you wish to do, if anything. If you have any other info to add, it would be very helpful. I wish you all the best as you work on figuring things out.