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How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
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Harry, contact the Pima County Council on Aging. They have all the resources available in Pima County for you and your wife.
I would also, call the local police, if you live on the edge of a jurisdiction, contact both police forces, and Sheriff's office to find out if you can put her on a registry of some sort, so they know she needs assistance if something happens to you, God forbid.
I would call ICS and get on their friendly calling program. A volunteer will call you daily to ensure you are okay and they notify the authorities if you don't answer. They will know that your wife is vulnerable and provide that information to the authorities.
Making sure your directives are on file at the hospitals you would likely go to, is a good place to have instructions for your wife and her needs. Maybe at all the hospitals if you are out and about much.
Keeping the information on you and posting the information on your fridge can help if your wife hides when strangers come in.
Tucson has lots of great resources for seniors. We truly don't know what we don't know until we are faced with a crisis, well done for looking at what if.
In my state, you’d need to get medical power of attorney, which allows you to make medical decisions for your spouse. There are spaces on which you can add 2 alternate MPOAs, such as an adult child or other responsible person, and that person can oversee your spouse’s medical care if you aren’t able. The form must be notarized or signed in front of 2 witnesses.
If there is an Alzheimer's Association near you check with them. Many have registries with local police departments and some will issue a bracelet that is not easily removed with person's name, address and telephone number. Some also have locator tracking device that can be put in a sneaker and used to locate a wandering person.
This may seem demeaning to use on adult--but when my little niece was about 3-5, she was a wanderer. Her mom grew so frustated with her little journeys--and she was also very shy, she wouldn't TALK.
SIL wrote on Emma's back in permanent marker. Her NAME, address, phone numbers, etc. And on her forearm, a note saying "if found wandering, please look on my back". (I know, I know, it seems kind of barbaric)
This was almost 30 years ago and times have really changed, I know. But it sure saved my SIL a lot of worry. IDK if it ever was an issue--it does seems weird, in this day and age with trackers and such--but my grandson has never met a tracker he couldn't break. Or lose. My daughter is ready to write on him--as he is also a runner.
I'd only use the marker if I were in an amusement park or some other large vernue. It makes me feel uncomfortable--but we've lost Calvin a few times and it's the WORST feeling.
If you can afford it, maybe time to place her in Memory Care.
I suggest you see an elder lawyer to split your assets. Her split can be spent down for her care and when gone, Medicaid can be applied for. Once she is on Medicaid, you become the Community Spouse staying in the home and having one car. You get enough from your combined monthly income to live on. I am just giving u the basics here an elder lawyer can give you more info.
Your County should have an Emergency Management dept. If so, call them and see if they have a list of disabled people they need to check on in case of an Emergency. If so, put your wife on that list. My husbands on it because he has hearing problems. Call your police dept and ask if they supply for free GPS trackers. Call the Fire Dept and see if they can tell you how to secure your house so wife cannot leave but they can enter.
Office of Aging is a great resource. Call them first and see how they can help.
Harry, this is something that all caregivers worry about. Are departments in your area aware of her condition? Many Fire departments and Police will put Lock Boxes on a house that they may have to gain access to so that they do not have to "break in". The Police and Fire Department should know about her condition in case she does wander. They will have a description of her and can begin looking right away. Talk to them, there is a good possibility they have a data base on "vulnerable" people like a child with Autism that may wander, a person with dementia or a person with developmental delays. Often if the caregiver is take to the hospital the paramedics will also transport the spouse if they can not be left alone and a family member will be contacted or the spouse will be admitted until care can be found. (could be a family member or a temporary Guardian that is appointed) You, if you have not yet, should talk to an Elder Care Attorney and set up emergency plans. And possibly a Trust that will care for her if something happens to you.
Geez, Harry has been caring for his wife for the years and doing a damn good job of it from the sounds of it. He is burnt out and should be proud of all he has been able to do. He is a good caregiver to be able to care for his wife so long!!!
Harry, call the Area Agency on Aging for assistance. They will help you determine and then navigate the options and resources available to you. You need help and you NEED to reach out and ask for it.
She will be taken care of. Unless she's terribly unlucky.
Wouldn't it be better to give more thought to prevention and less to speculation about possible future catastrophes?
MedicAlert bracelets, trackers and similar are helpful. You can also get credit card sized personal information slips which you can put in her purse for emergencies. Depending on the set ups in your local area, you'll probably find that you can register her as a vulnerable adult with organizations such as the police, social services, the major utilities providers and so on. There are all sorts of steps you can take.
But none would be as effective as finding support for yourself to prevent your keeling over in the first place. Can we help with that?
Not everyone is cut out to be a caregiver and not everyone who needs care is better off at home. there is no perfect answer but some situations are better than others for us and our loved ones. Allow yourself to check out alternatives.
The Area Agency on Aging is a national organization that has an office that covers every county in the US. They are not all the same but they are worth checking out. Here is a link for Az. One might be closer for you than another. You might find you like one more than the other.
Call them and establish a relationship. Find out what services they focus on in your area. Take advantage of the services they offer. You won’t feel so alone if you visit with others going through a similar situation.
I am glad you have found this forum. I hope you will find it helpful.
According to your profile, you're caring for your wife Anne who's 76 and suffering from dementia/Alzheimers.
About Me I have been watching my wife decline slowly for over 10 years. The decline has been accelerating noticeably in recent months and she refuses to acknowledge her problem, except to herself. I’m having more problems dealing with it and am more depressed most of the time. I tend to feel sorrier for myself (and guilty) every day.
Welcome to the forum, Harry. It sounds to me like it's time for you to place your wife in Memory Care Assisted Living now so you won't worry about what might happen to her if you were to pass suddenly. This would also help you with your depression and feeling overwhelmed with the caregiving obligations you have on your shoulders right now. There often comes a point with dementia that placement becomes necessary when the loved ones care becomes too much for the spouse to manage.
It's not fair or healthy for you to be living like this. Please consider Memory Care placement for your wife now, and if that's not financially possible, apply for Medicaid for Skilled Nursing care for her instead. She needs more care than you're able to give her, and it will continue to increase as time goes by, so get the ball rolling now. You have no reason to feel guilty after 10 years of devoted caregiving! We all have a limit to how much we can handle, and it's perfectly fine to admit it.
Wishing you the best of luck with all you have on your plate.
and you can have an ID bracelet that indicates you are a caregiver of a dependent elder who needs care, with her location. Helps first responders know that they need to attend to her, as well.
They get picked up by the police usually. If aged and no family, there’s at least a hope of them going into some ltc alone. If under 65, they’ll assume a homeless situation and help even less.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I would also, call the local police, if you live on the edge of a jurisdiction, contact both police forces, and Sheriff's office to find out if you can put her on a registry of some sort, so they know she needs assistance if something happens to you, God forbid.
I would call ICS and get on their friendly calling program. A volunteer will call you daily to ensure you are okay and they notify the authorities if you don't answer. They will know that your wife is vulnerable and provide that information to the authorities.
Making sure your directives are on file at the hospitals you would likely go to, is a good place to have instructions for your wife and her needs. Maybe at all the hospitals if you are out and about much.
Keeping the information on you and posting the information on your fridge can help if your wife hides when strangers come in.
Tucson has lots of great resources for seniors. We truly don't know what we don't know until we are faced with a crisis, well done for looking at what if.
SIL wrote on Emma's back in permanent marker. Her NAME, address, phone numbers, etc. And on her forearm, a note saying "if found wandering, please look on my back". (I know, I know, it seems kind of barbaric)
This was almost 30 years ago and times have really changed, I know. But it sure saved my SIL a lot of worry. IDK if it ever was an issue--it does seems weird, in this day and age with trackers and such--but my grandson has never met a tracker he couldn't break. Or lose. My daughter is ready to write on him--as he is also a runner.
I'd only use the marker if I were in an amusement park or some other large vernue. It makes me feel uncomfortable--but we've lost Calvin a few times and it's the WORST feeling.
I suggest you see an elder lawyer to split your assets. Her split can be spent down for her care and when gone, Medicaid can be applied for. Once she is on Medicaid, you become the Community Spouse staying in the home and having one car. You get enough from your combined monthly income to live on. I am just giving u the basics here an elder lawyer can give you more info.
Your County should have an Emergency Management dept. If so, call them and see if they have a list of disabled people they need to check on in case of an Emergency. If so, put your wife on that list. My husbands on it because he has hearing problems. Call your police dept and ask if they supply for free GPS trackers. Call the Fire Dept and see if they can tell you how to secure your house so wife cannot leave but they can enter.
Office of Aging is a great resource. Call them first and see how they can help.
Are departments in your area aware of her condition?
Many Fire departments and Police will put Lock Boxes on a house that they may have to gain access to so that they do not have to "break in".
The Police and Fire Department should know about her condition in case she does wander. They will have a description of her and can begin looking right away. Talk to them, there is a good possibility they have a data base on "vulnerable" people like a child with Autism that may wander, a person with dementia or a person with developmental delays.
Often if the caregiver is take to the hospital the paramedics will also transport the spouse if they can not be left alone and a family member will be contacted or the spouse will be admitted until care can be found. (could be a family member or a temporary Guardian that is appointed)
You, if you have not yet, should talk to an Elder Care Attorney and set up emergency plans. And possibly a Trust that will care for her if something happens to you.
Harry, call the Area Agency on Aging for assistance. They will help you determine and then navigate the options and resources available to you. You need help and you NEED to reach out and ask for it.
Wouldn't it be better to give more thought to prevention and less to speculation about possible future catastrophes?
MedicAlert bracelets, trackers and similar are helpful. You can also get credit card sized personal information slips which you can put in her purse for emergencies. Depending on the set ups in your local area, you'll probably find that you can register her as a vulnerable adult with organizations such as the police, social services, the major utilities providers and so on. There are all sorts of steps you can take.
But none would be as effective as finding support for yourself to prevent your keeling over in the first place. Can we help with that?
Not everyone is cut out to be a caregiver and not everyone who needs care is better off at home. there is no perfect answer but some situations are better than others for us and our loved ones. Allow yourself to check out alternatives.
The Area Agency on Aging is a national organization that has an office that covers every county in the US. They are not all the same but they are worth checking out. Here is a link for Az. One might be closer for you than another. You might find you like one more than the other.
https://des.az.gov/services/older-adults/area-agency-on-aging-locations
Call them and establish a relationship. Find out what services they focus on in your area. Take advantage of the services they offer. You won’t feel so alone if you visit with others going through a similar situation.
I am glad you have found this forum. I hope you will find it helpful.
About Me
I have been watching my wife decline slowly for over 10 years. The decline has been accelerating noticeably in recent months and she refuses to acknowledge her problem, except to herself. I’m having more problems dealing with it and am more depressed most of the time. I tend to feel sorrier for myself (and guilty) every day.
Welcome to the forum, Harry. It sounds to me like it's time for you to place your wife in Memory Care Assisted Living now so you won't worry about what might happen to her if you were to pass suddenly. This would also help you with your depression and feeling overwhelmed with the caregiving obligations you have on your shoulders right now. There often comes a point with dementia that placement becomes necessary when the loved ones care becomes too much for the spouse to manage.
It's not fair or healthy for you to be living like this. Please consider Memory Care placement for your wife now, and if that's not financially possible, apply for Medicaid for Skilled Nursing care for her instead. She needs more care than you're able to give her, and it will continue to increase as time goes by, so get the ball rolling now. You have no reason to feel guilty after 10 years of devoted caregiving! We all have a limit to how much we can handle, and it's perfectly fine to admit it.
Wishing you the best of luck with all you have on your plate.