My father is saying it is the biggest event of his life to come visit for Christmas and if he doesn’t come he will get very depressed. He is in an independent living facility that has been on lockdown during pandemic. He want to fly halfway across country to see California. Not necessarily us. I get it, he needs to get out. But he is not considering the risks flying of getting sick, then potentially giving it to us, the elderly, compromised person, who would give him a ride, not to mention bringing it back to facility where he lives. How do I make him understand it is not about him and we are all making sacrifices during the holidays and everyday? Not to mention the guilt he is placing on us to keep him from getting depressed if we don’t comply?
"We love you!".
It’s not like everyone else can travel and he can’t. It’s hard for everyone. But the more people think the rules don’t apply to them, the longer this virus will last.
Tell him he doesn’t have to be depressed if he decides not to be! Making you responsible for his emotions is just manipulation.
Is this "the disease talking" or is this something realistic that your father could actually plan and implement.
I think if the latter is the case I would make it clear to him that in Covid times that is not something you can allow, that depression may be an outcome and you would attempt to help him negotiate care for himself if that happens. That these are tough times with no easy answers, and sad times for so many, but sadly in this case the tough answer is that much you will miss him, he is not welcome to come visit.
What terribly sad and hard decisions we are all faced with now.
That said, he's an adult, and if he's competent, I guess he can go where he wants. I think it's highly unlikely his place would let him waltz right back in again when he returns, so you might point out that he's going to be quarantined for 10-14 days and stuck in his own place until such time as his facility allows him to be in the general population again.
I think a lot of our older loved ones realize they "can't buy green bananas," so to speak, so holding off another year to do something isn't a guarantee they'll be around in a year. We can't acquiesce to every desire and want, but we need to be cognizant of the different perspective they're coming from. Remember, too, most of these people lived through the polio epidemic and lived before vaccines, and yet they've survived. They probably think the rest of us are a bunch of wimps. :-)
Your father's demand is unreasonable. We are living in a time akin to WWII, where sacrifices were necessary for YEARS. And you say you are elderly and immune compromised yourself.
I would tell father he's free to do what he pleases, but out of health concerns for yourself, you cannot provide local transportation or a place to stay or make other contact with him at this time. Until a vaccine is available.
Also, there is no social distancing in the plane. All the passengers are placed next to each other. Hopefully his seat-mates and those in front of him and behind him don't have the virus.
Erase your guilt because the way I see it, you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.
Of course you have empathy. So do I. Your dad will get through these tough times. We all will.
We must be smart. Your post has already shown that you are smart! Being cautious during these difficult and challenging times is very smart.
Your dad is blessed to have a very wise and caring daughter.
Take care.
With the virus on another rise yet again, and many numbers soaring higher than the original shut down parameters, the truth is that it isn't safe for compromised people to be able to travel here.
It is also a fact that there's really no serious distancing on airplanes, so there was already a high risk for exposure even before the covid numbers were on the rise.
Try to try to reason with Dad - - show him how the numbers are on the increase. If he can't be reasoned with, then you just have to tell him NO, that traveling right now is a hazardous idea that presents an unreasonable risk.
At least Delta, the only airline he'll fly, has 'distancing' no middle seats are assigned and the restrooms are cleaned as best as possible. Food is all prepackaged and the flight attendants are very cautious.