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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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I think you do something small & intimate for YOUR sake, in your mother's honor, b/c funerals & such are for the living, not the dead. You don't have to do some big funeral or large gathering, but something small & intimate that you arrange to suit YOU. When my brother in law died not long ago, he was cremated. Several months later, we drove his ashes up to the mountains and spread them around the grounds of a family member's acreage. We each said something fond that we remembered about him, and then ordered Jersey Mike's sub sandwiches. So it wasn't a 'funeral' or a 'celebration of life', nor did we post an obituary for him, but we did what WE wanted to do in honor of his memory.
My mother wants to be cremated with no service. A. She doesn't want anybody looking at her. and B. She doesn't want all those "old" people tripping and falling at the cemetery. (eye roll) In my case, there isn't much family etc. What I might do is have an open invitation to the local restaurant between the hours of X and X. I'll be there to chat and mother will posthumously pick up the tab. She did love to eat out.
Wakes, funerals, memorial services... they're not for the person who died. They're for the people they left behind. If your parent says they don't want anything, don't discuss it with them further. When they do pass, it will be up to you to honor them in whatever way you and your family see fit. If that's a wake, or funeral, church service, or even just a get together then that's what you should do.
I myself just want my survivors to have a party if they want that. After all, I won’t be there. I’ve considered buying a casket that could be filled with ice, beer, wine etc. for the party but then, I love dark humor.
I think what I want needs to be honored. I will be cremated with NO viewing. I think they are archaic. Told my girls they can have a nice dinner on me. If they want to do a Memorial service with a nice luncheon, OK.
I had a friend who wanted no viewing and her daughter went against this. I thought it was awful.
I realize a funeral is for the living but I think we should be able to be in control of our own funeral service.
I agree with you 100%. I had a relative who died of cancer. She was extremely swollen and looked terrible. I know she would never have wanted a viewing but her children insisted on it and it was awful. I prefer a nice portrait of the person when they were in their best shape and health. you want to remember the person at their very best
Funerals are not for the dead. They're for the living. Some part of the estate must be dedicated to deal with the dispensation of bodies. There is nothing wrong with inviting others once that occurs.
My husband wants a full-on Catholic service with rosary, funeral the next day, and who knows what else -- for me. That's hilarious, because I'm not Catholic and I doubt any priest would do that. Nevertheless, that's what will bring him comfort, so whatever version of that he feels he needs to do to bring himself comfort is OK with me.
I'm an atheist, so if I outlive him, things might be done differently at his service. I'll have a nice memorial gathering, and say my goodbyes in the way that'll bring me and my kids comfort. Much as I love him, I won't be dropping $30,000+ on a funeral full of rituals that bring me no solace. We'll ooth end up in the same place in the end.
Do what works for you, and that obituary is important for history. Some great-grandchild might want to know about her someday, and they should be able to find a mention of her.
That’s actually a very noble thing to do. There’s no rule that says Her body or ashes must be in attendance for a celebration of life service. You should do whatever gives you closure. Funerals are for The loved ones left behind.
Nurse- it’s a great service that your mom does by donating her body to science.
Instead of a funeral or a party/celebration which your mother doesn’t want, I like lealonnie’s suggestion of a small intimate gathering with people you want to help you find closure for your loss.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Best of luck
If your parent says they don't want anything, don't discuss it with them further. When they do pass, it will be up to you to honor them in whatever way you and your family see fit. If that's a wake, or funeral, church service, or even just a get together then that's what you should do.
I had a friend who wanted no viewing and her daughter went against this. I thought it was awful.
I realize a funeral is for the living but I think we should be able to be in control of our own funeral service.
I'm an atheist, so if I outlive him, things might be done differently at his service. I'll have a nice memorial gathering, and say my goodbyes in the way that'll bring me and my kids comfort. Much as I love him, I won't be dropping $30,000+ on a funeral full of rituals that bring me no solace. We'll ooth end up in the same place in the end.
Do what works for you, and that obituary is important for history. Some great-grandchild might want to know about her someday, and they should be able to find a mention of her.
Instead of a funeral or a party/celebration which your mother doesn’t want, I like lealonnie’s suggestion of a small intimate gathering with people you want to help you find closure for your loss.
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