I was single, an only daughter, employed as a nurse. But would have had to give up my job, my only source of income, and hire much extra help. My father had money but needed more care than I could give by myself. He was unhappy in the nursing home (a very good one, by the way). I didn't blame him. He was alert, well oriented, but very hard of hearing and nearly blind. He could not walk, eat or even toilet unassisted. Has anyone faced something similar? I felt angry at my brother for suggesting this to my father without consulting me and guilty for not willingly taking on the full responsibility for the father I loved.
Tell your brother you told dad he’d be better off living with your brother. Male bonding. Men understand men. Brother is stronger to lift dad.
After he balks, tell brother to cough up the money for dad to have a companion visit dad at AL. He sounds lonely rather than poorly cared for and if you bring him home, you’ll be free 24/7 caregiver and entertainment.
Just lay down some common sense, and that should take care of the problem. Just because you have a nursing degree doesn't mean you're Wonder Woman.
I would tell brother to never presume to speak on your behalf again. It is not remotely okay.
He knew he would have to pay. He knew I simply didn't have the money. I explained that I could quit my job but still not physically manage it by myself 24 hrs a day, that I would have to hire quite a bit more help and maybe rent some equipment. He knew that, too. (he was never for spending a lot of money). I told him I'd like to spend more time with him, and would give it a try if he wanted me to. He thought a moment and then said... no.
We never discussed it again. I suffered seeing him suffer the rest of his life.. and always felt I hadn't spent as much time with him as I should have.
I avoided my brother (never was on very good terms with him, anyhow). It was more or less the end of any relationship I might have had with him. I now imagine maybe he just wasn't thinking when he said what he said. But it still kinda hurt. I could have been more forgiving.
But usually when I follow that train of thought very long on the path of if I had done this or that, I run into reality and realize that we all make the best decisions we know to make at the time. I remember why it didn’t work out differently and once again I choose to let it go and try to turn my thoughts to happier times.
the problem by volunteering him to do the job.
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