from the man (father in law and dad) that we have been helping? Our patriarch-95 years old-is threatening to sue his children and spouses (5 of us) because we helped him to get into a nursing home. His wife of 74 years is in this home since May of 2016. Since her placement-from hospital to rehab to long care facility- he has been despondent, needy and failing. He had been living in a 2 story colonial, he has a stair chair lift, walkers, canes, grab bars, lifted toilet seats (all supplied and installed by one son-my husband). He has very bad knees, congestive heart failure, and had been eating poorly even though we had been fixing/getting his meals for him. Before his wife was taken to the hospital, he helped care for her-she slept most of the day on the couch, but he kept his eye on her, fixed meals, helped her dress, etc. 3 weeks ago, he decided he couldn't live without her. He needed someone to spend the night, and be with him all day. My husband called her nursing home, and finally arranged a bed for him. They suggested we take him to the hospital as a way of getting him placed there sooner. He was agreeable to all this. As was his general practitioner. He spent a week in the hospital- regaining his strength, being on anti-anxiety meds-eating well and being well taken care of. One of us visited him every day. This past Wednesday he and we were told he would be placed in the nursing home, for rehab. He was agreeable. The next day my husband and I showed up at the hospital. Waiting for Medical Motors Service, the 3 of us talked about getting his house ready to sell, selling the contents of the house, and putting all the proceeds into a trust FOR HIS AND HIS WIFE'S CARE. He agreed to it all and said thank you. Something happened on the way to the nursing home, for when we got there we were faced with a man in a rampage. He didn't even want to spend time with his wife. He thought he was going to be in a room with her (an eventuality, but not immediate since he was doing rehab-something he was well aware of) long sad story made short, my husband and I eventually left after 1.5 hours, hoping he would calm down. Instead he rolled himself to the lobby, called the local sheriff and said he was being held against his will, and had been abandoned. He refused meds, food, and care, and the nursing home called Medical Motor Services, who took him back to the hospital. That is where he is now. He calls my brother in law (the oldest) yells at him and hangs up (at 1:30 a.m.) They go to the hospital- he tells them we have all been disowned and he doesn't want to see any of us.And that includes grandchildren. Today he has told them that he is getting a lawyer to draw up a legal document to keep all of us off his property, and that if we step foot on his property we will be arrested. We do all the mowing, upkeep, get the mail, water his plants check on things for him. The hospital told my brother in law and wife that they found him to be incompetent, that he was unable to make his own decisions about his care. We live in New York State. Does this also mean that he cant engage in legal things as well? we don't need to go to his house, but this is such an abrupt change of heart, we are having a real hard time coming to terms with this. He is a WW2 Battle of the Bulge Lt. Colonel who has always put family first. He has also always known how to stand up for himself (and his family) when needed, He is a tough old man, Any suggestions? Any advice? We are quite literally at the end of our ropes.
Does he belong to and/or participate in any veterans' organization at which he might have some close friends? For that matter, are there any other close friends his age, especially veterans, who mightt be able to visit him and offer some perspetive from someone else his age?
It also sounds like some type of panic behavior - perhaps the hospitalizations, your MIL's situation, his....just too much at one time.
Few things I can think of that might help:
1. Get one of the large decorative card holders, double sided tape, and start bringing cards; he can look at them over and over and hopefully reassure himself that he's still loved and has family support. For those family members who can't come, ask them to send cards with loving messages.
2. Bring a portable CD, with a headset, or whatever you have that will play CDs, bring some CDs of his favorite music, and play them for him when he becomes agitated. When you leave, put a special favorite on so that it helps to ease the transition of being with family to being alone for awhile.
3. I doubt if there's any pet therapy in the hospital, but if he likes animals, get a calendar or book of cute little puppies and kittens. Sometimes just seeing a photo like that relaxes a person.
Please keep in touch here and let us know how this progresses. We care!
Was he catheterized during the hospitalization? In my husband, that caused a post surgical uti.
It would be good to have incompetency letters on hand (usually two physicians.) If you have pictures or video from recent times where he is acting or talking more sensibly, it may help bring home the point that this is a sudden change worthy of medical investigation.
Sorry this is happening to all of you!!
If that doesn't work, contact either the charge nurse or the administrator, or an ombudsperson.
Someone might have to be persistent about this.
From what you wrote, this seems to be nonexistent.
People threaten legal action w/o really understanding that there has to be "standing" to file and a cause of action. If he's been diagnosed as having dementia, he may not have standing on his own to file - but I do question that diagnosis.
As to cause of action, that's dubious.
Is he getting any health care from the VA?
A bit of background investigation might help:
During the first hospitalization, was he treated by the same attending physician? On the same floor? Was dementia diagnosed then?
If you have to, ask a charge nurse or hospital administrator to check the records. The description of his behavior during the first hospitalization seems to be exactly opposite that once he was in the rehab facility.
That kind of behavior, if it is dementia, doesn't develop overnight.
So something happened apparently during a short period of time.
I'm also wondering if he was given any sedative or antipsychotic drug to "calm" him during the transfer. If so, it's possible he had a reaction to it. That happened to my aunt, who after being administered Haldol in a nursing home then accused my mother of murderig - based on a news article she had read!
This was a very gentle, docile woman who never in her right mind would conceive of something so outlandish.
Her deceased husband's nephew made the decision to move her there after her husband died. It may be that she was upset and someone medicated her, but after that unfortunate incident, she was all right.
I'm wondering if something happend during the transport as well.
As to the legal threats, a competent attorney will probe for background information on the incident, and why father/FIL wants to "keep you off his property". Good attorneys (in my experience) don't just respond to a request like that; it can often be a red flag that something else is going on.
As to being arrested, that would be an action that law enforcement would have to take, and it would be their decision, if a legal, enforceable no trespass agreement had been executed. I suspect that would likely be in the form of a restraining order, for which father/FIL would have to appear unless he has some represent him under authority of a DPOA.
I'm wondering though how your father would think he would know if any of you were on his property?
This sounds like a man who is blustering b/c of anger, or perceived anger, for something he thinks was erroneously done to him.
As for your father-in-law to draw up a lawsuit or any new legal documents, that isn't going to happen as no Attorney worth his/her salt would even take the case with your father-in-law being in his current condition.