My sweet wife now resides in Assisted Living. I placed her there this afternoon.
Her condition deteriorated last week. Saturday night was not good. Sunday morning was bad. She is unstable on her feet and has fallen several times. I believe she had a TIA Sunday morning. Can’t prove that just think it from what I observed and read up on. I concluded that I could not safely care for her. 11 years.
So Sunday I began the process by calling AL. Took her to the Doc on Monday. Got a TB test which was negative on Wednesday (takes 2 days) and moved her there right after the test was read. A hospice evaluation is scheduled for tomorrow. They took her in and had a nice room with a wonderful chair in which she went right to sleep. She sleeps most of the time now.
And Me? I’m satisfied. The decision was essentially made for me so I won’t be second guessing myself. And I took it as far as it could be took. I simply could not safely provide the care she now needs. I did not quit because I “couldn’t take anymore” or “didn’t have a life.” No. There was just not anymore I could do.
Strangely enough the tears stopped about mid day. I got thru the enrollment process in good shape.
I took care of my mom in her last years. At one point, I had to place her in assisting living, then memory care, then a nursing home. Even with that, it took a physical toll on me. She would want you to live. You can still be there for her, but not at the cost of your life.
This man did everything possible to care for his wife and when she needed a village he loved her enough to provide that and you come along with your judgmental snotty attitude and question him.
Couldn't you just learn to shut up?
In print it might look like a sudden decision but it incorporated many considerations, discussions and experiences over a long time. There’s lots of family, medical people, police, day care staff and friends, neighbors and even one stranger just passing by whose help and support were freely given. Instantly when necessary.
I did what had to be done.