Am the sole care giver to my 97 y/o mother and only child. Advised I need a knee replacement "asap". My wife recently passed with cancer. I have examined local asst. living sites, that would allow her to stay as a respite status....NOT full time. One center was used by close friends who had positive experiences. I have friends who encourage the surgery, but no "I" am the one wearing the black hat...any suggestions....I can forgo the surgery and who knows (not getting younger" suggestions appreciated...Thanks
YOU HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF THE CAREGIVER SO THE CAREGIVER CAN TAKE CARE OF THE PATIENT!
Let your mother know the knee replacement is urgent and important. Tell her you have arranged to have her live at an ALF while you're unable to care for her. Remind her she can choose how she will manage it. She could be upset and resentful or she could be going on a mini-vacation. Remind her attitude going in will determine her experience while she's there.
Then let her know what day her vacation will begin!
Take off your 'Black Hat' & try some other colours!
Blue: The BIG picture.
White: The facts : Estimated surgery recovery time, discharge home after surgery or to inpatient rehab? When will you be able to drive etc
Green: creative / new ideas : who can replace you as Mom's caregiver? A team of paid folk coming & going at home? Mom moves into respite care?
Yellow: think POSITIVE 😇
Red: feelings : it's ok to feel a bit nervous about it all
Maybe just a completely NEW hat...
One of Common Sense.
What IS the common sense thing to do here?
Your mom is a selfish you know what. Put her in respite. Get your knee surgery and take care of you.
Personally I would leave her in a nursing home permanately.
If your mother is 97, you're probably in your 70s? Your mother's needs are only going to increase. You need a long-term plan that does not include being the sole caregiver to your mother.
Schedule the knee surgery. Schedule your mother for a respite stay. Why won't they accept her full-time when they have a spot for her for respite?
Do not let that happen to you! I know more than one person for whom knee surgery was life-changing in a good way.
Hope all goes well for you 😊
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