I just found out my sister went to my father behind my back and basically told him she can take over as power of attorney. This matter was never discussed between us. My father agreed, the state he is in, he will agree to anything- he doesn't care anymore what happens and told me so. I suggested that we share POA and she flipped on me and refuses to even consider the option. My father used to talk to me about concerns he had when my sister was acting as POA over my mom and I defended her left and right. Now, though, that she is so insistent that I not be involved it is making me wonder if I have a reason to be concerned about him too. She is not even open to sitting down with someone to discuss our options together. She is more concerned with help cleaning our father's house. It IS a disaster and I have told her I would help however and whenever it is possible. My children are both 9 and 7 and my husband works night shift and weekends, so being there as often as she can be is not an option. Therefore my contributions to some of the physical labor she wants me to do is not sufficient to her. Mind you, she hasn't even given me a key to get up there when I can, so for now, I am restricted to going when she is there. All she wants of me is the help with the house. The rest is the "easy part" according to her and she does not want or need my involvement. She is getting so angry with me about this and shutting me out, it is going to damage our relationship and she doesn't seem to care. Am I wrong to be concerned?
Other things are within Sister's control. She could, if she chooses, show you how she is handling his finances. She could trust you enough to give you a key to the house. She could try to be a caring sister instead of a suspicious adversary. But she has no legal obligation to do any of these things, and I don't think you have any legal means to force her to.
But it would be good for both of you if you could heal this rift. If she won't consider family counselling for the two of you, I suggest you get counselling for yourself.
This is the part of life that I cannot stand. Hateful and jealous feelings abound over a family member's estate. This should be a time for a family to come together to care for each other, not fight over who does what, gets what. These are things that I REFUSE to argue over and there should be no argument with your sister, and if there is, then she is surely up to something no good,and it must be stopped. Take action to make it right NOW.
Be Well - Sue
If your sister is not forthcoming with ALL actions concerning transactions made on behalf of your father, then she is not acting in your father's best interest, PERIOD. You must take legal action NOW to protect what is left of your father's estate.
It may be, in this case better for an outside disinterested party to be appointed as your father's advocate.
The amount of distrust in this situation is sad. Your father apparently did not trust his daughter to take care of his ex-wife's funds. He communicated that distrust to you. In spite of that, he let her have his POA. (Perhaps, as you say, under undue influence.) You now don't trust your sister to manage his finances propertly without you looking over her shoulder. Your sister doesn't trust you with a key to his house. Sad, sad, sad. If you both want to salvage the relationship you have/could have, perhaps family therapy could help. It doesn't look like you're going to get very far without some outside help on that issue. Your sister is going to be around long after your dad is. Would it be worth it to try to work on this relationship?
Who is seeing to Dad's day-to-day needs? Is he living in this disaster of a house or is he in long-term care? He sounds depressed. Is that being addressed? I don't know what his current state is, but dementia is progressive and it is likely he won't always be able to live on his own, if he is now. Does he have lots of resources and assets to pay for his care?
Too much unknown here to be very specific with advice. My heart goes out to you and to your sister. Caregiving an elder is hard enough, without other family conflict.s
I hope you can resolve this and restore harmony.
I suppose it would be possible to get the POA declared invalid on the grounds that he was not legally competent to make that kind of decision at the time it was made. Then what? Do you want the courts to appoint someone to look after his finances and other business issues? If he wasn't competent to appoint Sister, he wouldn't be competent to appoint you.