My elderly mom fell down a week ago and was admitted to the hospital for surgery as her flesh was peeled off. After multiple surgeries for wound cleaning and skin grafting, she is now insisting to go home. But my family won't be able to take care of her fully for 2 weeks as required by my hospital. We are thinking of sending her to a senior care hospital where there's nurses but she's refusing. Today she called and asked me to lie to her doctor that I can take care of her at home. I refused and she ended the phone call in anger.
Should I have helped her? All I want is the best care for her. We are unable to hire someone at home to help either as her apartment is small.
Sorry I'm ranting from this point onwards... feeling so hurt and helpless as she implying that I'm unfilial and not following her wishes. She loved my brother more than me as I defy her in my younger days. She's not asking him to lie for her but only me... Her words are stabbing my heart today and it feels like I have not done enough for her. My bro being the golden boy in her eyes, will never do wrong by her. Even if he suggested seniorcare, she will think the idea is from me and shut him down. She knows my bro will listen to her in the end and get her home... It just feels like I'm so alone in this decision.
Now I am undecided and feeling conflicted because of her reaction in the phone call. really afraid that if I continued to resist she will hate me and no longer forgive me. So should I lie to her doctor for her?
Don't let her words hurt you and make you feel guilty. You've done NOTHING wrong. If the golden boy wants to do her bidding and set her up for potential failure, that's on him.
Also, shame on your mother for asking you to lie! Usually when I see a title asking about lies, it's more about the fibs and white lies we have to resort to with those who have dementia.
Two weeks are nothing. She'll either get over it or she won't. You should never have to resort to lies to "earn" your mother love or forgiveness.
You and your brother should get together and make plans for mom. The big question is can mom continue to live on her own? If she is great, but you two should have plans in place for the time when mom can no longer be on her own.
I'm so sorry for the hurt and angst you feel. I wish you and your family the best and hope your mom gets better soon.
She may be being very negative towards you at the moment - but I suspect that the strong personality you have shown in the past, and her asking you not your brother is actually a complete opposite to the way you have interpreted it. She doesn't love your brother more - she trusts you more to make the right decision rather than just give in to her. If she were asked who she could rely on more it would in all probability be you because you don't fear doing what you feel to be right. It may feel as though she will no longer forgive you, but I think she knows where care for her really lies.