Help! How do you keep from exploding. And if you don’t speak-up how do you keep from being eaten alive from the inside out? I’ve been on this Care sight for years, I’ve read tons of books and have seen a psychologist. I’ve heard all the recommendations about “taking care of myself”, I get it. I’m doing everything I can to save myself. BUT, I feel as if I’ve got a cement block tied to my ankle every day of my life, every minute of my life. Never, ever have I done so much for such abuse in return. With everyday that goes by my 90 year old mother gets nastier, more domineering, spiteful and divisive. She’s jealous and resentful of my friendships and has always attempted to create friction amongst her children.
She lives very well, independently and largely on my dime. I’ve bitten my tongue raw, internalized the stress and now I feel it’s affecting my health. It’s only gotten worse since the pandemic. I learned a while ago that when I express any frustration whatsoever it’s met with retaliation. I’m tired or venting to my friends, and it’s obvious they’re tired of hearing it. They listen and say, gee I’m sorry. I don’t know where to turn. I have six siblings who won’t deal with her and use her personality as their excuse. I’ve given up on thinking there’s any support there.
Can anyone tell me, an I wrong for not speaking up and then suffering the retaliation?
I'm sorry to hear about what you are experiencing. I'm not sure about your Mother's health. My Mom is acting this way, and we would often have arguments as she was very accusatory towards me. Say awful things to me and because of it I didn't trust her to be alone with my 3 year old daughter. Since then we have been able to get her to a neurologist that diagnosed her with dementia. Is has helped to know and understand what is going on with her and what she says most of the time rolls off me and I do what I need to do, but I don't live with her. I don't engage any of her comments at any time, seems to just add fuel to the fire.
A friend of mine that I was actually talking to today, said my Mother knows I will never leave her and will do what I can do to help her no matter what. Because of her diagnoses, she also said that she doesn't understand what she is saying and how it is coming out. Its different then what she wants to say in her mind.
If you have siblings, they should be responsible for her as much as you are. If there are 6 of you break up the calendar, 2 months each for each one to take care of her. Even if they live out of town, can your Mother go there and stay with them for 2 months? If not, will they help you, financially, in providing more care to your Mother so you have more time to your self? You need the break, time to your self and I know it is not easy.
I hope this provides you some help, wish I could be more helpful to you.
Good luck!