I guess I'll go first with this one.
The thing that stands out the most for me about MIL with alzheimers.......
Everything is ALL ABOUT HER. I could cut my arm off and be bleeding on the floor right beside her and she would worry about who was going to bring her a cookie.
I am treated as" a nothing" in her world.
Then I feel guilty for thinking she's an old battleaxe.
Well that's my confession.
How about yours?
My mom has demensia and 4th stage lung cancer. I have lived with her for over 10 years. It's getting harder as she moans all day/night, won't eat or take her meds but when older brother gets here she's absolutely fine and only 1 extra strength tylenol all day instead of liquid morphine?!!! So? Why is that?
Everyone says she's playing me. I'm exausted. My voice sounds angry, irritated, frustrated and then he tells me off. I just spent 3 weeks full time with her while he vacationed in Florida. It was hell. He comes back and voila she's fine. Thank you listening to me rant. I love my mom with all my heart but I have no life. I do have 2 grandchildren and a new bf. I'm trying so hard. It's always about her...always has been. We used to be friends and now it's like I'm just the one who gets to clean up after everyone like usual while brother dearest gets to see the smiles. Jealous? Maybe but I don't like that emotion and never have been but what does anyone think? Am I a terrible daughter?
Take a vacation! Let older brother deal with it all for a week or two....
Caregiving is the worst job I have ever had, I dont want it and I hate that there are no days off.....
I NEED time alone to revive, and it is sorely lacking in my life with husbands ALZ.
You & Sis paddling Mother's canoe down the river with an oar each. Hard work but moving forward.
When the time comes that one of you needs a rest (or stop completely) you may end up paddling in a circle..
Sometimes you gotta tie the canoe to the riverbank before your shoulders wear out & you all capsize.
🛶🌳
You’ve written a beautiful and heartfelt post, and G-D will most certainly forgive you for having periodic human frustrations at the very difficult situation. I truly admire your positive outlook. I wish I could absorb some of that and apply it to how I feel. Maybe someday I’ll look back and see something positive about what I’ve been doing for my aunt for all these years. From what I can tell, she’s never noticed.
Hugs to you, JB
I'm sorry if you have felt that way
I like to simply reply "Yes". Accompanied with a fake smile 😁
Some elders use verbal sparring for entertainment, to relieve boredom. I once met an old lady like this.. a nurse asked if she needed help opening her banana. "It's not a banana" came the swift reply. Nurse says something like Oh my mistake. Do you need help opening that yellow piece of food?
Old lady says " It's a BANANA. Don't you KNOW what it is??"
🙄😭🤣
If you drink, you deserve to have your kids abandon you when you're old and infirm. Those drinks are actively contributing to your future dementia.
If you don't save up AT LEAST $250,000 (that's in addition to your social security checks) for assisted living, then you'll get put in a Medicaid bed next to some other coughing patient for God knows how many years. Don't expect to move in with a relative. That's cruel.
I'm wasting my time typing this. The people who need to read this aren't reading this.
Or a convenience to men.
What if you were another brother?
I'm so thankful for this community of caregivers sharing thoughts and suggestions!
The exasperating behaviors resulting from significant brain damage! Like grunting, groaning, yelling out for hours at a time, including overnight.
Fighting off any attempts to provide personal cares. So its always a battle.
And finally - family, friends and neighbors assume I have time to take care of their needs, because they assume I'm at home all day with nothing to do! They have no idea how drained I am, physically and emotionally, every day!
took my dad to buy a new belt last night at Macy's. It was a demeaning experience. I need time to recover just from that one "good deed".
Is this how he's always been, or is this just since he's had dementia?
Battleaxe is subtle. You are far too kind, IMHO
the word “ Caregiving “.
Sometimes it’s “ Assigned Servitude”.