My mother is in a nursing home and can no longer feed herself. It takes her an hour to an hour and a half to eat a meal when someone has the time to sit and feed her. She lost 5 lbs this past week. Recently she told my brother she wasn’t hungry and didn’t want to go down to dining room. Not specified if it was a one time request or just that one time. She does eat when fed and will tell you when she’s had enough. They just don’t have staff to devote to feeding one patient. Now he wants to stop feeding her altogether and just let her pass away. She does have a DNR and ‘no feeding tube’ on her medical wishes. She does have some dementia. I want to hire someone to feed her meals. They haven’t even suggested or tried Ensure or Boost yet. I don’t know what she wants but brother says she isn’t capable of making her own decisions anymore. I think refusing to eat altogether would be a decision. She still eats when food is offered. Just takes too long for staff. What are other opinions on this from people who had to make such a decision?
My mother has rather advanced Alzheimer’s disease. She has been in a nursing home for about three years and the aides have been spoon-feeding her for approximately the last two years. They have been giving her puréed food and their version of a nutrition drink. Her weight has remained stable. I feel my mother is in a good place. There is a high ratio of nurses and aides per resident on my mothers floor which is for those needing the highest level of care. It is a private pay facility that doesn’t accept Medicaid, and that may be one of the reasons they are able to provide good care at a good price relatively speaking. There is not a high turnover of nurses and staff. It is close to where I live and work so I visit often after work. Unfortunately in the not too distant future I will need to move my mother to a facility that does accept Medicaid as my mother‘s bank account is becoming depleted. I don’t want to have to move her but I know of another nursing home facility close by that accepts Medicaid and has a very good reputation and that’s where I will submit an application when and if It becomes necessary.
As has been mentioned in this discussion, there is also the issue of quality of life. My mother was a nurse and some of her jobs were in nursing homes. I can remember her saying “If I get like that, shoot me“. And yet she did not draw up any end-of-life directives. I signed a DNR for her in the nursing home and I certainly would not have her tube fed. I do think sometimes that if my mother “in her right mind” were able to see herself now, she might not have wanted to go on for this long.
And traveling this long, sad road witnessing my mother losing her mental and physical function over the last ten years has gotten me to thinking about quality and end-of-life issues. I don’t know what the answer is but I am beginning to think our healthcare system needs to put equal emphasis on the power of individuals to choose when to leave this life as they do on the power to extend life.
I wish you the best working with your siblings to find solutions ~
Cristal 💠
PS. I think it is perhaps unusual for a person like my mother with Alzheimer’s disease or maybe your mother with Parkinson’s to be able to continue to be spoon-fed for as long as my mother has. I have been told that my mother may come to a point where she doesn’t know what to do with food when it is in her mouth, and if she didn’t swallow then it could go into her airway. And perhaps the physical ability dealing with food for a person like your mother with Parkinson’s may be more complicated compared to how it has been for my mother so far. My point is that my knowledge of these things is limited and what works for one doesn’t necessarily work quite the same for another.
Smaller and more frequent..? How could that be worked in to the nursing home's routine? Who visits regularly, and could take in appealing, high nutritional value snacks and drinks?
I wish I did find it hard to believe that a nursing home does not have time to assist its residents at mealtimes, but the problem is obvious. Even with a comparatively high staffing ratio there are not the care hours available for residents to receive one-to-one assistance at meal times. Feed three people for one hour each, and lunchtime stretches from noon to three not even taking into account other needs such as bathroom transfers or residents wishing to leave the table. It can't be done. Hospitals rely on ward volunteers to help with mealtimes, but then those volunteers need training too - you can't just let enthusiastic amateurs loose on stroke patients, for example.
At the memory care unit I visited, the staff was laying out the dishes in the kitchen for a good 15 minutes while the patients waited. The staff was going through the medications and putting them in cups. The food was already drying out. I went in and brought my own food as did a number of other family members for other patients.
You can buy applesauce. It is already in a form she can eat.
It's pretty unlikely she will like baby food, although it is often suggested by strangers. It is too few calories to make a difference.
Pureeing tuna is very easy and doesn't require an oven. You can blend tuna, bread, and mayo to feed to her.
If she likes Chinese food, I would get some Lo Mein noodles and run it through the food processor with some added water. It has thick noodles that will hold the food together after puree.
In the end, she needs two glasses of nutritional supplement drinks a day. They provide 250 to 350 calories each if given with whole milk. They also provide 16 to 24 ounces of the 36 to 44 ounces of fluid she needs each day. You will not have to feed her as much solid food to meet her calorie requirements.
She may be weak from aspirating food or liquid residue during the night. The use of mouth swabs with lemon to clean her mouth before sleep will help reduce this. You can also massage her back to help loosen mucus in her lungs. It is similar to the percussion massage for babies with pneumonia. I always find that my mom talks more coherently when I do this.
If she has no reflex then she will eat when it is at her lips but then she isn't looking for the next bite which is why it takes so long to get a meal into her - check this out to help make any decisions
thanks everyone for your advice. Tough times