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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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Exercise keeps me strong but I am human and want peace of mind. He needs help but he wants to make me as miserable as he is. What advise can you give me?
Learn3, is your son also acting somewhat as caregiver to you? Is part of the living arrangement that he provides care? I didn't do any research into your profile, or what has been happening with you until Stacy updated us a bit on what some of your needs might be. Is there a social worker involved with either your own case or your Son who could be turned to now with some needs and mediations over what isn't working well for you both in the household?
According to another post: "I have MS and had kidney cancer and spinal surgery." Your profile has alot of other problems including anxiety and depression which are also mental illnesses.
Sometimes when people are ill, they believe that they are doing much more for themselves than they really are. They do not realize the stress they put other people under especially when they have mental illness.
My advice to you is to realistically look at your conditions and consider placement or getting help from an outside agency and rely less on your son.
Thanks Stacy for updating us a bit more about the OP and about possible needs and expectations that cannot work for her and may be causing stress here. May be time for a Social Worker to intervene and discuss with both parties expectations.
Hey, Learn3. You answered your own question. Your son is mentally ill and verbally abusive. You know what will happen with this combination if he's allowed to continue living in your home with his illness going untreated and his behavior not being kept in check. His abusive behavior towards you will not stay limited to verbal abuse. He will become physical at some point and you are in danger. When he starts up call the police. He is mentally ill and they will take him to the hospital. This may get him to accept that he's mentally ill and needs help. If it doesn't then you can't let him live in your home because you will be in danger.
This, sadly, is more and more a problem. There really is no way of adequately addressing the problem of mental illness in our country. It is anything but an exact science, often poorly diagnosed, and almost always poorly followed up with good care in the uninsured, and of course most mentally ill adults end up uninsured. At best a call to police gets the person picked up, transported to ER, admitted a a psyc unit and put on meds; released when stable. And once released most go off their meds, and will be on interview frank as to say they prefer their "own world" unmedicated. Others self-medicate with drugs and alcohol, exacerbating the problems exponentially. Then there is the advice to "call 911". There can't be a one of us who doesn't recognize what is at times the outcome of this action. Someone going from verbal to picking up the nearest kitchen knife. In the case of the young, young MALES and young BLACK AND BROWN males, this can lead to their death. I would like to ask what your son's age, and diagnosis is. Does he have a caseworker? I am afraid you have brought up a subject that has NO good answer. The sad truth is that you may have to move away from where your son lives in order to get any peace. This leaves him a helpless victim of the system. Most of our homeless are either mentally challenged or addicted. Often both. I am really sorry for what you are going through. Work within the system the best you can, but I wish I had a better answer for you. There are organizations out there you can join that will help with advice. I don't offhand know what they are, but if you go to an Al-Anon meeting (where many deal with this issue daily) you will get good guidance.
You do not give much information about where your son is living. How old your son is. And what his problems might be. Drugs, mental illness, PTSD, (if he is a Veteran you might want to call the VA they may be able to help) If your son is an adult you tell him to leave. You give him a date and he has to be out by that date. Sounds easy right. WRONG. You may have to legally evict him by filling papers at the court house and you sill have to go to court. The judge will order eviction and a specific date. You can not remove his belongings until then and if you wish ask for a Sheriff to be there. What happens at that point is up to him. He either sinks or swims. If he sinks toss him a line by referring him to places he can go to get help. Do not let him back into the house. He may have to hit rock bottom before he learns to tread water then swim. Change the locks on all the doors. Change the garage door code if you have a key pad. If he has had access to your computer change all the passwords. Make sure he can not get into any of your bank accounts. If he starts at any time getting physically abusive call 911 right away.
Just to add, he doesn't have to get physical for the police to be called. If you feel like you are in danger because of his verbal attacks you can call the police and have him removed. At that point you will want to file a PPO, personal protective order, this will make it illegal for him to contact you in any way, it also means that you can not contact him.
There are so many laws protecting seniors from any type of abuse.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Sometimes when people are ill, they believe that they are doing much more for themselves than they really are. They do not realize the stress they put other people under especially when they have mental illness.
My advice to you is to realistically look at your conditions and consider placement or getting help from an outside agency and rely less on your son.
His abusive behavior towards you will not stay limited to verbal abuse. He will become physical at some point and you are in danger. When he starts up call the police. He is mentally ill and they will take him to the hospital. This may get him to accept that he's mentally ill and needs help. If it doesn't then you can't let him live in your home because you will be in danger.
Then there is the advice to "call 911". There can't be a one of us who doesn't recognize what is at times the outcome of this action. Someone going from verbal to picking up the nearest kitchen knife. In the case of the young, young MALES and young BLACK AND BROWN males, this can lead to their death.
I would like to ask what your son's age, and diagnosis is. Does he have a caseworker?
I am afraid you have brought up a subject that has NO good answer. The sad truth is that you may have to move away from where your son lives in order to get any peace. This leaves him a helpless victim of the system. Most of our homeless are either mentally challenged or addicted. Often both.
I am really sorry for what you are going through. Work within the system the best you can, but I wish I had a better answer for you. There are organizations out there you can join that will help with advice. I don't offhand know what they are, but if you go to an Al-Anon meeting (where many deal with this issue daily) you will get good guidance.
If your son is an adult you tell him to leave. You give him a date and he has to be out by that date. Sounds easy right. WRONG. You may have to legally evict him by filling papers at the court house and you sill have to go to court. The judge will order eviction and a specific date. You can not remove his belongings until then and if you wish ask for a Sheriff to be there.
What happens at that point is up to him. He either sinks or swims. If he sinks toss him a line by referring him to places he can go to get help. Do not let him back into the house. He may have to hit rock bottom before he learns to tread water then swim.
Change the locks on all the doors. Change the garage door code if you have a key pad.
If he has had access to your computer change all the passwords. Make sure he can not get into any of your bank accounts.
If he starts at any time getting physically abusive call 911 right away.
There are so many laws protecting seniors from any type of abuse.