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Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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We spend too much of our time together talking about current events and how divided everything is nowadays - I worry that I will think of a hundred questions to ask her after she is gone.
Looking back I wished I had talked with my mom about family photos and who were in them, written it down. Also more stories of her childhood, favorite memories about each person, family ties that she kept up with that I was unaware of & their contact info. Clarified family recipes. Her wishes & dreams, anything that I wonder about now. Most elderly have short term memory loss but have good recall from earlier in their life.
Ask her about her grandparents or older aunts or uncles, or her siblings, who was her best friend. Food she liked. Her first date, or why she didn't ever date. A pet. My dad is full of vivid information about his Grandmother (she was born in1868) My mom was "seeing kids" Was calming for her to describe the kids, and it was actually joyful. Ask a simple question.
My mom is 99 and lives in memory care. Talking about the past either confuses her or makes her sad and anxious. So on the days I visit, I check her supplies and general appearance and limit the two way conversation. I do her nails, comb her hair, clean her glasses while we wait for her weekly denture sanitizer cycle to finish and after a quick potty stop (make sure she is clean & dry) I invite her to the lunchroom for a quick snack if she acknowledges that she is hungry. Rare times, I lay out a hand of solitaire and turn the cards for her to put in place while we watch her TV. Most times, she will defer to either going back to bed or she will lose interest, get up and walk out and down the hall to the lunchroom. She enjoys the brief physical attention and I can fill the one sided conversation with prompts, congratulations and mindless chatter.
I agree Llama. When there isn't much time left just express all the love you can.
When I was with my mom during her last days I just kept saying I love you and caressing her hand. She couldn't respond at that point anyways. But love is a palpable thing I think.
I started writing down my own memories during the lockdown. It's hard to find where to start, so I decided to begin with each house I've lived in. Each early house branches out to school memories and growing up memories, then the more recent houses branched out to memories of raising our kids.
Start by asking your mom about the things only she will know, specifically her childhood. What was something that she doesn't need to do the old way any longer because of innovations? (I think about how in my lifetime, we used typewriters, not computers, there were no TV remotes, microwaves, or seatbelts in the early days of my childhood, and I even remember when NBC switched over to color. Ask here what the biggest technological innovation was to her.
Conversations will evolve from one topic to another, but you can always look up prompts for memoir writing for questions to ask.
Ask her specific questions now and record her with your phone. My mom passed in April so watching videos of her talk about the 'olden days' is very comforting and I'm glad I took the time to record her. I guess I knew that her days were numbered. I also listen to her old voicemails of happier and healthier times. God bless you and hold her hand tightly.
My Mom is also 99 and will be 100 on Boxing Day. We love watching game shows together and a local program produced in our province of Newfoundland about the people of Newfoundland. We talk about the old days sometimes when she was young and also about her and dad and things they did together. Recently, I got her to elaborate on how she met dad. If there are any friends they may have had in their younger years which you have forgotten the names of, who may want to ask about them now. Maybe get out some old pictures and talk about where the pics were taken, what was happening the day the picture was taken and the names of the people in them. You may want to write their names on the back. Just do a few at a time so as not to overwhelm her with too many questions. Also looking down at pics too long will probably irritate the back of her neck. I know it irritates my Mom’s. Hope this helps. Take care. Brenda, Newfoundland
What about using a current topic as a segue to an account one of her past experiences? e.g. Today's shipping container backlog creating merchandise shortages. How did her family deal with rationing during WWII? Touching on the past might invite her to bring up topics to share with you. Past generations in my family didn't seem to talk about their childhoods, their parents, etc. I've always wanted to know more about things like that.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
My dad is full of vivid information about his Grandmother (she was born in1868)
My mom was "seeing kids" Was calming for her to describe the kids, and it was actually joyful. Ask a simple question.
When I was with my mom during her last days I just kept saying I love you and caressing her hand. She couldn't respond at that point anyways. But love is a palpable thing I think.
Start by asking your mom about the things only she will know, specifically her childhood. What was something that she doesn't need to do the old way any longer because of innovations? (I think about how in my lifetime, we used typewriters, not computers, there were no TV remotes, microwaves, or seatbelts in the early days of my childhood, and I even remember when NBC switched over to color.
Ask here what the biggest technological innovation was to her.
Conversations will evolve from one topic to another, but you can always look up prompts for memoir writing for questions to ask.
You can