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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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My mom is in group home and has dementia. She said that one of the workers ask her to do someone inappropriate. How do we know if this is true and don't want to get someone in trouble if not true.
My mother was scared of men so I always requested female nurses. One time there was at least 3 nurses in her room, 1 was male. Out comes the two females leaving the male. I apologized to him, Mom was already upset, but she needed a female nurse. Have already told my girls no male nurses. I would say she is making things up, but I would as for no male nurses.
I am still in semi-shock over the language that my MIL used in the last year of her life, as her brain just stopped filtering.
My poor Dh would come home from his shifts with her, absolutely shaken by the things she'd say. when it got personal, when she was complaining about ME with this foul speech, it was much, much worse for him.
Try as he (and his sibs) might, they were ineffective in controlling what she'd say. It got to the point they were telling the g-kids to stay away, b/c they never knew what she'd say.
Although he knew it was the disease, it still upset my DH a lot. No matter what the kids said to her to try to get her to not use foul language, it was, eventually, just not possible.
Truthfully, a male caregiver has to be out of his mind these days to be caring for females with dementia. Just the accusations alone coming out of these women's mouths are insane and enough to ruin a caregivers life forever.
OP, why can't you install a camera in her room??? Of course you can, and should. If for no other reason than to ease your mind and to clear this CGs name. And if he's guilty, to take appropriate action. If I were a CG, I'd wear a body cam like police officers do.
Is the caregiving done in a private home or a facility?
If in a private home, I would install camera's and make caregiver aware that there are camera's. If in a facility, I would discuss the concern with the social worker immediately. It is a tough situation but needs to be addressed for the sake of LO and the caregiver. I wouldn't want the accusation to fester unaddressed and have everyone speculate. Nip it at the bud. If no wrong doing is occurring then you will not worry.
Sadly bad things do happen in facilities where vulnerable folks reside occasionally, so I certainly appreciate your concern. I would be concerned as well. And while yes it's often hard to distinguish truth from fiction from someone with a broken brain, perhaps it's best to just ask that only females help your mom in the restroom, and while she's getting dressed. That will at least make her hopefully feel more safe. And if allowed it may not hurt to place some inexpensive cameras around her room, where you can keep an eye on things from afar.
OP, thanks for adding some clarification. I can assure you that the most refined, elegant and regal people, when they have dementia, can utter some of the most filthy, angry and cringeworthy words you've ever heard. It's a symptom of your mom's disease. And since she said this CNA was going to take all her money, I'm pretty sure none of this happened. That comes out of her dementia-induced paranoia. There's about one chance in a hundred million that he said any of those things.
She'll probably come up with a lot worse. Take it all with a grain of salt.
Of course she accused me of hitting and taking all her money. Then she said the ems guys were going to kill us. Hard to believe anything. But still want to make sure.
Thank you. I hope not. He changes her and helps her in bathroom. What she said he asked her to do was disgusting. Never heard my mother say the words he supposedly said.
We can't really know if this happened, considering that dementia patients confabulate. In my experience, they all do it, and some do it A LOT. She's not claiming that they DID something inappropriate, right? They only SUGGESTED something inappropriate (according to her). For the time being, I'd ignore it and not mention it again to her. But be alert!
Thank you. It's in a home and there is 5 residents. Only 1 other woman. Can't really install a camera. Going to still talk to the head of the facility. Not going to acuse but they need to know that mom doesn't want him helping her. I don't blame her. I would not want men changing me either.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
My poor Dh would come home from his shifts with her, absolutely shaken by the things she'd say. when it got personal, when she was complaining about ME with this foul speech, it was much, much worse for him.
Try as he (and his sibs) might, they were ineffective in controlling what she'd say. It got to the point they were telling the g-kids to stay away, b/c they never knew what she'd say.
Although he knew it was the disease, it still upset my DH a lot. No matter what the kids said to her to try to get her to not use foul language, it was, eventually, just not possible.
OP, why can't you install a camera in her room??? Of course you can, and should. If for no other reason than to ease your mind and to clear this CGs name. And if he's guilty, to take appropriate action. If I were a CG, I'd wear a body cam like police officers do.
If in a private home, I would install camera's and make caregiver aware that there are camera's. If in a facility, I would discuss the concern with the social worker immediately. It is a tough situation but needs to be addressed for the sake of LO and the caregiver. I wouldn't want the accusation to fester unaddressed and have everyone speculate. Nip it at the bud. If no wrong doing is occurring then you will not worry.
Good Luck
And while yes it's often hard to distinguish truth from fiction from someone with a broken brain, perhaps it's best to just ask that only females help your mom in the restroom, and while she's getting dressed.
That will at least make her hopefully feel more safe. And if allowed it may not hurt to place some inexpensive cameras around her room, where you can keep an eye on things from afar.
She'll probably come up with a lot worse. Take it all with a grain of salt.