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I have gotten her a cell phone, but she either lost it or it's dead. Got her a life alert, she lost it. Is there something I can get that is either hands-free calling or a security thing?
First you shouldn't be caring for her alone as you deserve to have a life too. Your mom has had hers, so now it's time for you to have yours. So hire in some part-time(at least)help in with moms money to give you more breaks. Second I would recommend buying some inexpensive security cameras to place around the house so you can check on her when you're out and about, as it will make you both feel better. I used(and still do)the Blink cameras when my husband was completely bedridden in our living room the last 22 months of his life, so I could check on him when I had to be out and about and they worked great, as I was able to hear him if he needed to try and communicate something to me. The newer ones now have 2 way talk, which means you can not only hear your mom, but she can hear you as well. Might give you both some peace of mind. Please make sure that you're taking care of yourself as you are as important as your mom. Please don't forget that.
My mother would answer a phone provided the ring tone was set to an old fashioned land line ring. This helped me calling mom and giving her a status update- where I was, what I was picking up and when I would be home.
My mother qualified for a community adult day care sponsored by the state's area agency on aging. They picked her up 3 days a week and brought her back in mid-afternoon. She loved it, maybe the rides more than the ADC. This gave me a timeframe to accomplish many errands without worrying about mom.
I also used a security system to help monitor mom when I stepped out of the house. I used panic buttons with HELP stickers applied posted on walls in clear lines of vision (mom retained her ability to read) and cameras so I could check in. I also had family and neighbors nearby who were willing to respond to mom if she needed help before I could get back.
And finally I found someone to stay with mom for a few hours a week so I could attend events important to me.
Being a 24/7 caregiver is a challenge I do not believe is really possible without you finding some solution that gives you a few hours of freedom each week. Our LO eventually reaches a state where we cannot leave them alone without great emotional distress (theirs and ours).
3 words that might help. Adult Day Care. 3 more. Hire a caregiver. Adult Day Care would get her out of the house. She would be stimulated, cared for and it would give you a much needed break. 2 days a week would be good, 3 days would be better. If that is not possible hiring a caregiver a few days a week for between 4 and 8 hours would give you an opportunity to get out and get things done and give you a nice break.
If you have one of the "devices" like Alexa, Dot or any of the others if she calls out and says "Call Bobcat" or "Call for Help" I think you can program them to call you or 911.
With a diagnosis of dementia she should not be left alone. You never know what might happen or if she could just decide to "go for a walk" and become lost.
You may not need an actual caretaker. Is there a teenage babysitter, a nursing student, a stay at home Mom who could use a couple (well paid but less than an agency) hours work? You need someone to keep an eye on her and help avoid falls or get help if one should occur. This is not a highly skilled activity, just needs a reasonable person who can sit and visit with your Mom for three (?) hours. I bet you can find someone for less than a 200 dollar a session health aide agency charges.
You must find a caregiver/sitter. You didn't mention where you are located and that will mean a lot when you do commit to a sitter. If you live in a state with employer laws like Ca. then you should probably just hire an agency caregiver at approx. $30 per hour with some minimum hours restrictions. I finally reached burnout last year and since have had help to the tune of $500 per week for three six hour days per week. I should have done it sooner.
That comment up the line about a Sr falling and then making it seem like 'not a big deal'...or making up falls, really does come back to bite them.
I was at mom's yesterday, it was her 92nd bday and she proudly announced her dr told her she would live to 100. I could have wept. B/C she also complained about being stuck in the house and not being allowed to go on jaunts with her friend who somehow, despite being legally blind is STILL DRIVING and taking mother with her.
Her 'fall alert' box was blinking--as if she'd had a fall and not re-set it. I asked her if she had fallen recently and she said "Oh, I fall all the time. It's not worth re-setting it".
I fiddled with it, but don't know how it works. Since she lives in a house with 6 adults, she doesn't stay on the floor long, I guess. IDK, since I am not involved her in day to day care. Also, she says she falls, but never has any marks on her, so I think she is simply slumping to the floor--a short ride, since she is only 4'8". Once in a blue moon she bumps her arm, but for the most part, I think she simply sits down hard.
Again--the opportunity to move her to an ALF where she could be active and busy has long since passed. Now it's just one trip a week to Bingo for 1 hr and 1 trip a week to the grocery store (to sit in a car for 1/2 hour).
I agree with Babs2013 about cameras. I have Blink cameras set up in strategic places around the house. I use them when I must leave to run an errand. The Blink cameras alert me when Mother moves around the house. They also allow me to remotely view her and confirm that she is OK. If she were to fall while I was out, I would immediately know it and could get her help.
Mother's memory, eyesight and hearing is bad. Her learning curve for new technology is non-existent. I like the cameras because they are pretty non-invasive and do not require her to do anything for them to work.
If she were to fall and you were out……..there’s a lot wrong with this. It’s okay if she falls and hurts herself last long as you can come home and help? How about if she never fell in the first place? She needs someone with her to keep her from doing dangerous things rather than you rushing home and picking her up off the floor. Please check into assisted living asap.
Bobcat, 83 is not that old and you don’t say that your mother has dementia. Many people of that age are sometimes alone, even live alone. You DO say that the falls happen ‘every time’ you go on an errand, and it’s true that we have quite a few reports of elders ‘faking it’. It might help to check for bruises or any other sign of damage from the fall. And camera footage could give you a better idea of how they happen. They gave one of our other posters a surprise a while ago, when the footage showed that mother gently lowered herself to the floor shortly before poster got back.
Clearly someone with her would be good, but you may be looking at another 10 years before she would otherwise need constant care if this is just ‘fake’. My MIL lived comfortably at home by herself (of course with support) until she was 93 and went to a facility.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Second I would recommend buying some inexpensive security cameras to place around the house so you can check on her when you're out and about, as it will make you both feel better. I used(and still do)the Blink cameras when my husband was completely bedridden in our living room the last 22 months of his life, so I could check on him when I had to be out and about and they worked great, as I was able to hear him if he needed to try and communicate something to me. The newer ones now have 2 way talk, which means you can not only hear your mom, but she can hear you as well. Might give you both some peace of mind.
Please make sure that you're taking care of yourself as you are as important as your mom. Please don't forget that.
My mother qualified for a community adult day care sponsored by the state's area agency on aging. They picked her up 3 days a week and brought her back in mid-afternoon. She loved it, maybe the rides more than the ADC. This gave me a timeframe to accomplish many errands without worrying about mom.
I also used a security system to help monitor mom when I stepped out of the house. I used panic buttons with HELP stickers applied posted on walls in clear lines of vision (mom retained her ability to read) and cameras so I could check in. I also had family and neighbors nearby who were willing to respond to mom if she needed help before I could get back.
And finally I found someone to stay with mom for a few hours a week so I could attend events important to me.
Being a 24/7 caregiver is a challenge I do not believe is really possible without you finding some solution that gives you a few hours of freedom each week. Our LO eventually reaches a state where we cannot leave them alone without great emotional distress (theirs and ours).
Adult Day Care.
3 more.
Hire a caregiver.
Adult Day Care would get her out of the house. She would be stimulated, cared for and it would give you a much needed break. 2 days a week would be good, 3 days would be better.
If that is not possible hiring a caregiver a few days a week for between 4 and 8 hours would give you an opportunity to get out and get things done and give you a nice break.
If you have one of the "devices" like Alexa, Dot or any of the others if she calls out and says "Call Bobcat" or "Call for Help" I think you can program them to call you or 911.
With a diagnosis of dementia she should not be left alone. You never know what might happen or if she could just decide to "go for a walk" and become lost.
I was at mom's yesterday, it was her 92nd bday and she proudly announced her dr told her she would live to 100. I could have wept. B/C she also complained about being stuck in the house and not being allowed to go on jaunts with her friend who somehow, despite being legally blind is STILL DRIVING and taking mother with her.
Her 'fall alert' box was blinking--as if she'd had a fall and not re-set it. I asked her if she had fallen recently and she said "Oh, I fall all the time. It's not worth re-setting it".
I fiddled with it, but don't know how it works. Since she lives in a house with 6 adults, she doesn't stay on the floor long, I guess. IDK, since I am not involved her in day to day care. Also, she says she falls, but never has any marks on her, so I think she is simply slumping to the floor--a short ride, since she is only 4'8". Once in a blue moon she bumps her arm, but for the most part, I think she simply sits down hard.
Again--the opportunity to move her to an ALF where she could be active and busy has long since passed. Now it's just one trip a week to Bingo for 1 hr and 1 trip a week to the grocery store (to sit in a car for 1/2 hour).
Mother's memory, eyesight and hearing is bad. Her learning curve for new technology is non-existent. I like the cameras because they are pretty non-invasive and do not require her to do anything for them to work.
Clearly someone with her would be good, but you may be looking at another 10 years before she would otherwise need constant care if this is just ‘fake’. My MIL lived comfortably at home by herself (of course with support) until she was 93 and went to a facility.
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