My husband (67) has always been what some people refer to as scatterbrained, being late for plans or appointments, forgetting to pay bills eventhough he had plenty of money in the bank. When I first met him, I couldn't believe what a mess his house was, mostly because of too many animals. Because I was blindly in love, I paid no attention to these personality traits. But after we were married and had kids, I couldn't help but notice some of the things he did that popped up a red flag. He once left our 3 year old in the tub alone in the house while he went down the road to check on something. I was gone to my mothers. I think that was the first actual event when I realized he had a strange way of thinking. As one event after another occurred, I realized after our daughters left for college, something was seriously different. He had trouble remembering things I told him I needed at the store even if it was just 3 items. He is a pastor and the whole congregation is starting to notice his short term memory is lacking. He forgets the order of the service eventhough he has the church bulletin right in front of him, he skips verses of the hymns, and he repeats part of his sermon. He has seen a neurologist and had an MRI, and nothing showed up. He could not repeat the 3 items on the recall test, back to the doctor so she labeled him as having mild cognitive impairment. However, I don't think that's what it is. He says he has always done that when put on the spot. We get into argument daily because of his inability to comprehend what I tell him. He says he hears me but just doesn't understand the words. I often have to repeat things 4 and 5 times. So as you can imagine, I am completely exhausted, angry, hurt, disappointed and heartbroken. He is a very intelligent man and is well traveled. I suspect he had problems like I have mentioned as a child but his parents never talked about it. Ive just heard hints of his absent-mindedness. His thyroid is slightly low and the doctor is watching that and he also had some childhood trauma. Also, he has sleep apnea and is on his first week with the CPAP machine. Supposedly sleep apnea causes memory loss and confusion. He has been taking Aricept for 2 months, and I see no change at all. We are now seeing a marriage counselor but he often forgets what was said in the sessions making it impossible to do the work the counselor gives us. We do not have the money to go from doctor to doctor to doctor to find a firm answer on what's going on in his head. I feel like if you have any kind of memory problem, you are labeled as having Alzheimer's or Dementia right off the bat. I don't know exactly what is wrong with him, but I cannot go through this much longer and it's driving him crazy. He says he is terrified of losing his mind. Of course, who isn't. I welcome any comments or advice. Thanks.
A Speech therapist is another professional who works with people who have memory and attention deficits . A speech therapist can objectively evaluate function and offer concrete exercises and advice.
I am realizing, that when we argue, and it is just the same crap.. I walk away.. It's quieter that way...
I am the one who snores,he snores, pets snore, who do you love? Go take a walk, think about the argument? Is it worth the effort of arguing? I don't know. This is when I shout out : SQUIRREL !! what just happened the dog looks around.... WHERE?
Hope you two have your orders.. living trust, dnr polst, POA... etc.. If not, think about it... Don't argue... get it done.... If he refuses, talk with a law counselor, bank, PARALEGAL.... go to office depot, or online, and find some information. get it done now before he really doesn't realize what's going on.
You have your hands full, but there is tremendous support here. I encourage you to continue to read and write here. Some of the information is priceless, and there is more caring than by many professionals. Hang in there.....many hugs to you.
i spent 16 yrs with Someone like this but they were also drinking pretty heavily so I passed it off as drinking but after he stopped drinking for over a year the symptoms were still there and he does have severe ADD check it out
He did have an MRI ordered from the neurologist. Something strange happened about 5 years ago. He was having trouble with his right arm because he took the cast off before it completely healed when he was about 12. It had always been a minor handicap up until about 10 years ago, then it became a major handicap. So they did some testing on his arm and legs. The response we received from the testing doctor was, "You are wired strangely."
Hang in there. The current round of med tests may find something that starts to help you navigate which boat to be in - where you are (with this new version of your DH) or a whole new boat on a different sea.