My husband and I are both disabled. We reside in NY State in a fairly rural area. We sold our home to build a disability friendly manufactured home. It should be ready for occupancy in October. My parents are both disabled. They reside in California. My father no longer drives.
Our home is coming with a suite attached with its own entrance for my parents to live in. It will have a small kitchen, living room, bedroom, bathroom, and closet.
My dad and his sister will sell the California property and they will split the money 50/50 (in accordance with the will of my grandparents).
Dad would like to use some of the money to get a storage shed, gutters on the new house (our part and theirs) and suite, a generator, and perhaps a garage, etc. depending on how much money he receives.
1) Dad is worried about losing his benefits by receiving money from the sale of the California property. Is this true? Is there anything that can be done regarding this?
2) How do I approach doctors in NY with trying to get their medications continued without issues? They both have some pain medications, history of compliance and no issues, and years of trial and error to finally find what helps each of them. Having Health Care Proxies, Power of Attorneys, other forms, joint phone calls, virtual calls, etc. isn't going to be a problem.
3) Will my husband and/or I lose our own disability benefits if they live in the suite attached to our new home? Neither of us have any curable conditions. Our health isn't going to change no matter who lives with or near us.
I thank everyone and anyone who is kind enough to take the time to help guide me regarding this. I know there are several parts to this situation.
What type of disabilities do they currently have?
Do they have any age-related issues?
You need to think of what it will be like 5 or 10 years down the road, and not "romanticize" what living -- and careing -- for them will be like right now. Right now they sound mostly independent and competent. But eventually this won't be the case.
If one or both of your parents are in wheelchairs, and they develop dementia, they can start forgetting they are disabled and attempted to stand up and walk, and then break their leg or hip. This is a very common problem, it happens all the time.
Or, are they incontinent now but can manage themselves? What happens if they develop cognitive and memory problems and start stripping off their clothes when they soil themselves? This is also a common problem and you can read many posts on this forum about the headaches this creates for their caregivers.
And what if you and your husband become less able to take care of yourselves before your parents (or at the same time)? This is also not unheardof.
Also, if your parents tie up their financial resources in a house, and they need to go into a facility, how will it be paid for? And if you build a "specialty" house it won't sell very fast, or at all.
I realize you're already in the middle of building. But if I were in your shoes I would have had your parents move themselves into a care community with a continuum of care, either in CA or local to you. You should think about doing the same for yourselves when ADLs get more difficult.
You are building in a semi-rural area (I'm assuming that you don't mean suburbs). This means fewer services and fewer options for in-home care help or care facilities.
As for the benefits issues, are you all on SSDI? Other? We can't give best guidance unless you fill out your profile and provide more info here in the thread. You don't even tell us what specific disabilities you all have, which is essential to know.
Please provide more information.
The house and attached suite is what my husband and I ordered. It's breaking ground this week. So, no add-ons to an already existing home.
It took me a while to figure out how to reply on here.
I am 43 and so is my husband. I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and some other annoying conditions. I may wear braces on areas of my body as needed. My background is medical, mental health, grief, and military social work. I am mobile with braces. I pace myself. We have a lot of family out here, so we wouldn't be alone. My husband is also 43 and a disabled military veteran (PTSD, etc.).
My father is 75, a brittle diabetic, and I am 99% positive he has a lot of the same conditions that I do. He is does not drive anymore. He mobile w/cane, walker, etc., and has chronic pain.
My mother is 65 and was injured in a shoulder and a leg on the job many years ago. Mom has chronic pain, uses a cane, etc.
I was not on disability until about 4 years ago. My husband and I managed our money well and ultimately decided to sell our 3 level Adirondack home to invest in building this manufactured home and buy land. We were also able to afford to have what is often known as a "mother-in-law suite."
Any funds my father receives after selling the CA property is not going to us. It's for him and his sister. He would just like to contribute something, such as buying a tool shed, a generator, and maybe help put gutters on the home and suite.
I can completely understand why someone may have read my post and assumed "disabled" means incapable of doing much at all.
Every remaining family member has left CA. One more reason to bring them here where my husband and I are in NY. My father has been found on the floor with diabetic complications too many times. They are about a 45+ minute drive from the nearest hospital. There is no cell service or high-speed internet where they live. Here, I can literally be a few seconds away through a doorway to help until paramedics arrive and the hospital is about 10 minutes away.
I can also get LifeAlert for my parents setup, get them into the specialists I have already, etc.
They both have medicaid and medicare.
My husband is a disabled veteran.
I have medicaid and medicare.
Everyone on my side of the family has always taken care of aging family members. We don't have them go into facilities, we just work together. It has been that was since I can remember. I grew up with elderly family members being looked aftr by my parents and nearby family members as needed.
If there's a bad day and I have a flare-up of my own, I just pick up the phone and someone else can come over, pick up meds, groceries, help anyone get to appointments, etc.
I do not take controlled pain medications, however, my parents do. It's taken then years of trial and error to get where they are now. I would like to keep their medications as is upon moving. I am just unsure, despite my professional background, how to approach a potential primary doctor.
There is a POA, HCP, and will. No problems there.
We have a lot of family here. I apologize if my initial post was confusing and lacking enough detail. I am seeking help in how I might approach a primary doctor to just continue their medications. My dad is aware he may lose his insurance due to getting a lump sum from selling the CA property. I had "heard" that since you are permitted to have at least 1 residence, that this sum could possibly not be used against him if he spends it in a certain time frame.
Also, our new home and suite are single level, outside ramps, no lip showers for walker or wheelchair access, widened doors, lever handles instead of doorknobs. Everything is paid for by the sale of our own previous home. Dad's just grateful and I think a little pride is there where he'd like to "do something." I hope that makes sense.
I will consult a disability lawyer.
Perhaps someone knows more about that than I.
But on a side note....why in the world if you and your husband are both disabled would you opt to take your parents in who also are disabled? Who's going to be taking care of who when needed?
To me personally, this sounds like a recipe for disaster. Your intentions may be good, but your judgement may be off.
The house and attached suite is what my husband and I ordered. It's breaking ground this week. So, no add-ons to an already existing home.
It took me a while to figure out how to reply on here.
I am 43 and so is my husband. I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and some other annoying conditions. I may wear braces on areas of my body as needed. My background is medical, mental health, grief, and military social work. I am mobile with braces. I pace myself. We have a lot of family out here, so we wouldn't be alone. My husband is also 43 and a disabled military veteran (PTSD, etc.).
My father is 75, a brittle diabetic, and I am 99% positive he has a lot of the same conditions that I do. He is does not drive anymore. He mobile w/cane, walker, etc., and has chronic pain.
My mother is 65 and was injured in a shoulder and a leg on the job many years ago. Mom has chronic pain, uses a cane, etc.
I was not on disability until about 4 years ago. My husband and I managed our money well and ultimately decided to sell our 3 level Adirondack home to invest in building this manufactured home and buy land. We were also able to afford to have what is often known as a "mother-in-law suite."
Any funds my father receives after selling the CA property is not going to us. It's for him and his sister. He would just like to contribute something, such as buying a tool shed, a generator, and maybe help put gutters on the home and suite.
I can completely understand why someone may have read my post and assumed "disabled" means incapable of doing much at all.
Every remaining family member has left CA. One more reason to bring them here where my husband and I are in NY. My father has been found on the floor with diabetic complications too many times. They are about a 45+ minute drive from the nearest hospital. There is no cell service or high-speed internet where they live. Here, I can literally be a few seconds away through a doorway to help until paramedics arrive and the hospital is about 10 minutes away.
I can also get LifeAlert for my parents setup, get them into the specialists I have already, etc.
They both have medicaid and medicare.
My husband is a disabled veteran.
I have medicaid and medicare.
Everyone on my side of the family has always taken care of aging family members. We don't have them go into facilities, we just work together. It has been that was since I can remember. I grew up with elderly family members being looked aftr by my parents and nearby family members as needed.
If there's a bad day and I have a flare-up of my own, I just pick up the phone and someone else can come over, pick up meds, groceries, help anyone get to appointments, etc.
I do not take controlled pain medications, however, my parents do. It's taken then years of trial and error to get where they are now. I would like to keep their medications as is upon moving. I am just unsure, despite my professional background, how to approach a potential primary doctor.
There is a POA, HCP, and will. No problems there.
We have a lot of family here. I apologize if my initial post was confusing and lacking enough detail. I am seeking help in how I might approach a primary doctor to just continue their medications. My dad is aware he may lose his insurance due to getting a lump sum from selling the CA property. I had "heard" that since you are permitted to have at least 1 residence, that this sum could possibly not be used against him if he spends it in a certain time frame.
Also, our new home and suite are single level, outside ramps, no lip showers for walker or wheelchair access, widened doors, lever handles instead of doorknobs. Everything is paid for by the sale of our own previous home. Dad's just grateful and I think a little pride is there where he'd like to "do something." I hope that makes sense.
We do have an amazing support network of family and friends.
I will consult a disability lawyer.