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The answers you have received are all good. You must act now, because 1) your safety 2) your Dad's illnesses
To get him out of the house, call 911 and have him transported to the E.R. Write down his symptoms that match encephalopathy.
He could be having delusions or Encephalopathy, which affects your central nervous system and how you think, feel and act. Symptoms can range from confusion and disorientation to erratic behavior and personality changes. It can get better with treatment, but it can be life-threatening without.
Do not let the fact that he is ill override the fact that your safety comes first.
For example: If you are cooking, and Dad starts, your response should be to turn off the stove and walk out the front door.
Who's home are you in: his or yours? If he owns the house, you may need to be the one to leave. If it's your house, I would get him out asap by calling 911 and telling the EMTs and cops exactly what you wrote to AlvaDeer below. Emphasize that you don't feel safe. He needs to have a psych eval and be held in the hospital until he is on medication that works to treat this behavior.
If for some reason you don't get help after calling 911 then I'd contact social services for your county and ask for a social worker. You may need to have APS come in. If no one is the PoA for your Father, then social services can work to get a legal guardian assigned to him. That legal guardian will manage all his affairs and find placement for him. So, if you're in his house, you may not be able to stay there in these circumstances. You will need to decide your role in caregiving, if any.
Put him in a nursing home then give them permission to medicate him any way they see fit to keep his sexual desires at zero.
DO NOT be his caregiver for any reason. If you have to abandon him and go to a womens' shelter do it because you will be safer there than with him. Don't stay there. Your safety is more important than any care he may need.
I did homecare for a long time, 25 years. I never tolerated hypersexual behavior from anyone regardless of their age. A few clients over the years who were not weak and feeble, got the pepper spray and one got a skillet to the face when their 'hypersexual behavior' graduated to attempted sexual assault.
Get out of that house today. Or call 911 and tell the police he's threatening to kill you and himself and you're in fear. They will take him to the hospital. That will give you a bit of respite to get your things together and leave.
Sounds Like Dementia if this is a new Behavior . Does he watch a Lot of Porn On His laptop ? Older men get bored and I think you need a social worker or therapist to help you get through this . Find some support from either His doctor or your doctor and ask for a therapist and hopefully some testing Can get done for your Dad .
Bored? Seriously? I think our OP needs to get dad placed immediately and out of the house, vs a social worker or therapist to talk her thru her father saying these things and threatening to slit her throat. Get father or daughter OUT of there and then talk about therapy mumbo jumbo. This is a serious issue!
Very lonely, please never be alone with your dad again! You can't be alone with this man. I know he is your dad but no matter what it is you need to not be near him.
This is horrible for your mental state, you also need to get some therapy.
I agree with Joann to if you are in the house with him have your phone on you at all times, and also record everything. I'm glad your nephew believed you. .
You could have called the police when Dad said he would cut your throat. Telling them you are afraid to be alone with him. For now, you call APS. Tell them what you said here, there have been changes since 2020. But this is the worst of all. You do not feel safe in your own home. For now, lock ur bedroom door. Have a can of mace and your phone with u at all times. Elderly men can be very strong don't think they can't be.
My mother had a stroke in 2018 and we made the decision to put her in a nursing home. I stayed with my dad to help him. I am 45 years old never married and I have no kids. My 30 year old nephew moved in to help me care for dad. My dad is 76 years old. By 2020-2021 Dad's behavior started to change. He became really religious lighting incense around the house and playing religious music and drinking alcohol. He's also diabetic, and suffers with anxiety. He's refused to go to the doctor for treatment of his anxiety. The first sexual comments directed at me was on Wednesday June 19 at 500pm. I came home from work and brought him some food and groceries and while I was packing it away he mentioned that his penis was hard. He started rubbing it in front of me. Then he asked me if I had any girlfriends at work that I can bring over for him. I told him that comment was disgusting and he started to say that it was 7 years since he had sex. Then he looked at me and said that "I need a man and he could give it to me". Then he said he would come into my room that night. I was so shocked and disgusted with him that I went to tell my nephew everything. Needless to say my Nephew had a talk with him and he said he was just "joking" around with me, and I am exaggerating things. But the words that was coming out of his mouth and the way he was looking at me creeped me out. The second incident happened on Sunday June 23 at 5:00pm. He was staring at me in the living room and started to rub his penis and said to me "I want to suck your pussy". I was so shocked and disgusted I started to scream at him and told he was sick and disgusting. He jumped back startled and said he was going to "slit my throat". I got scared and went to get my nephew for support. We both confronted my dad and told him he needed to see a doctor and something was wrong. My dad laughed it off and said I was making it up. Thankfully my nephew didn't believe him. We tried over an hour for him to come with us to the hospital for a checkup and he wouldn't go. I am scared that this is escalating. I want to tell my other family members because I can't live with my dad anymore and I feel uncomfortable and not safe. My nephew will be away on a planned vacation for a week and it will be just dad and me alone in the house. I don't feel safe staying there anymore. What should I do? Who do I go to for help? What are the next steps? Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks 🙏🏾
Ah, well, I did ASK for it, didn't I. The history that is.
Were it me, this is what I would do. I would not return to the home. I would call APS and report dad as a senior at risk. I would say I am afraid and unable to return to the home. I would ask for a wellness check. I would ask for transport to hospital. I would ask for state guardianship.
If none of those things happened I STILL would not return to the home. Your father is only 76. He may have dementia or he may have mental issues, but none of them are in your control. If you have to remove yourself to shelter then gather your things with the help of a friend, neighbor or police.
Like Nacy I hope you will give us some history here. When did your father first exhibit this behavior? What symptoms have you been seeing, and for how long, that would indicate dementia? What testing has been done?
Do you live nearby your father? Does you father still live alone and manage his own affairs. While I am gone from Forum for a month after tomorrow, your filling these details in will help others to help you. Meanwhile do know that this is a MEDICAL problem, almost certainly.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
You must act now, because 1) your safety 2) your Dad's illnesses
To get him out of the house, call 911 and have him transported to the E.R.
Write down his symptoms that match encephalopathy.
He could be having delusions or Encephalopathy, which affects your central nervous system and how you think, feel and act. Symptoms can range from confusion and disorientation to erratic behavior and personality changes. It can get better with treatment, but it can be life-threatening without.
Do not let the fact that he is ill override the fact that your safety comes first.
For example: If you are cooking, and Dad starts, your response should be to turn off the stove and walk out the front door.
If for some reason you don't get help after calling 911 then I'd contact social services for your county and ask for a social worker. You may need to have APS come in. If no one is the PoA for your Father, then social services can work to get a legal guardian assigned to him. That legal guardian will manage all his affairs and find placement for him. So, if you're in his house, you may not be able to stay there in these circumstances. You will need to decide your role in caregiving, if any.
DO NOT be his caregiver for any reason. If you have to abandon him and go to a womens' shelter do it because you will be safer there than with him. Don't stay there. Your safety is more important than any care he may need.
I did homecare for a long time, 25 years. I never tolerated hypersexual behavior from anyone regardless of their age. A few clients over the years who were not weak and feeble, got the pepper spray and one got a skillet to the face when their 'hypersexual behavior' graduated to attempted sexual assault.
Get out of that house today. Or call 911 and tell the police he's threatening to kill you and himself and you're in fear. They will take him to the hospital. That will give you a bit of respite to get your things together and leave.
It is dangerous for OP to be in the same house with this man. The chances of a sexual assault is very high in this scenario.
This is horrible for your mental state, you also need to get some therapy.
I agree with Joann to if you are in the house with him have your phone on you at all times, and also record everything. I'm glad your nephew believed you. .
Keep us posted please.
Were it me, this is what I would do.
I would not return to the home.
I would call APS and report dad as a senior at risk. I would say I am afraid and unable to return to the home. I would ask for a wellness check. I would ask for transport to hospital. I would ask for state guardianship.
If none of those things happened I STILL would not return to the home.
Your father is only 76. He may have dementia or he may have mental issues, but none of them are in your control.
If you have to remove yourself to shelter then gather your things with the help of a friend, neighbor or police.
When did your father first exhibit this behavior?
What symptoms have you been seeing, and for how long, that would indicate dementia?
What testing has been done?
Do you live nearby your father?
Does you father still live alone and manage his own affairs.
While I am gone from Forum for a month after tomorrow, your filling these details in will help others to help you.
Meanwhile do know that this is a MEDICAL problem, almost certainly.
How old is your dad?
Do you live with him?
What are his health issues besides dementia?
Not a lot to go on if you could fill us in.