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She has POA. Thursday night she kicked me out of his house late evening. After asking what I wanted, I said to stay til passes. She kicked me out. Verbally abusing me, raging and swearing at me. What are my legal rights for visitation? She is irratitic and has built a reputation for verbal abuse with the different agencies involved.Dad has dementia and is unable to state what he wants.

The time to visit dad may have been before he was on hospice but in decline. You could have helped with his toileting, changed his soiled bed sheets, stayed with him so his wife could get a break.

Did you help his wife in any way? If you did, seems like she might be more welcoming. If I were in her position, and I will be soon with my husband, I wouldn’t appreciate the man’s child swooping in when he’s dying and wanting to hang around watching the spectacle.

Tell her you’re bringing dinner over for all of you tomorrow and ask if you can visit him for half an hour afterward. Then leave. Offer to get her car washed (something that’s hard to make time for when a husband is dying) and ask to visit him briefly when you bring it back. Make yourself useful instead of a problem.

This is not Burger King. You don’t get to have it your way.
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Reply to Fawnby
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Why did she kick you out, raging and swearing? You don't say. Something normally provokes such an outburst.

You have no legal rights here. Dad's wife is his POA by choice. She gets to call the shots. Your best bet is to be very nice to her and apologize for your part in whatever happened. Let her know your only goal is to visit with dad as much as possible before he dies, that's ALL. Stay elsewhere but see if she will let you visit daily. Do you two not know one another???

I'm sorry to hear your dad is dying. Wishing you the strength and grace to treat this delicate situation with the necessary tact now. Realize this woman's husband is dying and she's likely grieving AND stressed out from all she's been through. Caring for an elder with dementia is incredibly difficult work.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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If your father has dementia, and you haven't been around during all this, it is quite likely that he doesn't know you now, and that your presence would be disturbing to him. I know you wouldn't want that.
There has apparently been a lot of bad feeling between you and step mom? That's a guess as we seldom get the full story in these cases.

I really think you have the right to come in now, late in this "game" if you will, and cause any disturbance to a dying Dad. I hope your memories of him are good, but likely some time ago he chose this woman and chose to make her his sole heir, so that may not be.

If you feel that you have rights here you may be granted an accompanied visitation if you reach out to APS to ask; you can also call their local police/sheriff to ask if they can accompany you on a brief visit to Dad to assess if he wants/needs you.

I am sorry. Not everything can be fixed.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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lealonnie1 Dec 22, 2024
You think she does NOT have the right, correct?
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What does the fact that your stepmom is on the title of their home have anything to do with you wanting to visit your dad? Of course she would be on the title of the home they shared since they're married.
And why do you refer to their house as "his" house? It's now their house.
It sounds perhaps that you're trying to stir up trouble about the house with her, and thus why she's not reacting well.
Your dad is obviously dying and your only concern should be spending as much quality time with him and leaving nothing left unsaid. And perhaps even offering to help your stepmom in whatever ways you can, instead of stirring the pot over something that is none of your concern.
If you want to stay in the city where your dad is until he dies, get a hotel room or Airbnb and go see your dad when it is convenient for all involved.
And please allow your dad to die in peace and not with his daughter and wife fighting. He deserves that much don't you think?
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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JanPeck123 Dec 22, 2024
Well said, FunkyGrandma59!
Death can either bring out the best or the worst in people.
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