My 93 year FIL has mild cognitive impairment ( so basic aging stuff ) not documented. He has some strange lady occasionally help him with stuff ( he refuses any hired care ) and she has little financially . Previously my FIL has given her money for things ( like new tires) gave her food that he picks up for himself , etc . Yes she does do things for him and he pays her but keeps us out of loop ( mostly secretive about it) . Anyway recently she had become pregnant and she already has one minor child ( 7-10 years ) , he feels bad for her and wants her to move in .
We know she has taken him to the bank before , paid for certain things in advance and he says she “ works “ it off .
He has loaned her small amounts of money as well ( he drops us hints but that’s it). He on occasion is forgetful and says and does things that one would see has harmful , it’s rare but happens , but not to point that it’s diagnosed to any degree . Example : on occasion he will forget that he told us something and repeats it multiple times ,he sometimes mixes up his kids names , or all together can’t remember their names , he can easily become angry at times and become generous at times ( he’s offered to pay for grand kids schooling, mortgages etc ( which we all refuse ) when he gets mad about his kids coming to house without calling first he has threatened to shoot us ( we removed guns) , he will occasionally get mad at one of the kids for something stupid and then won’t talk to them for about a month , tells people sometimes where he “ hides” money . Anyway we have tried to do what we can for him , as in what he allows us to do , we manage his meds, md appointments , write checks to pay his minor bills ) etc. We had a caregiver ( we trusted 100%) when my MIL was alive but once she passed he fired the caregiver that was 2 years ago . BTW he no longer drives .
So fast forward my FIL refuses to come to family gatherings because he is fearful of Covid . However he now wants to move in this lady who does occasional things for him because he says she needs help . She has a minor child , no real job ( door dash on occasion) and recently pregnant. Our fear is she will move in , talk him into believing that she cares more about him then his family and eventually will get him to believe this ( and he will ) thus cutting us off at which point she will find away to take from him his only assets which is his home .. that’s the first concern . The second if she does this , then we know effectively he will become homeless and we ( the kids) will become financially responsible for him . Unsure at this point what to do to protect him ? Again there is some impairment but mostly at 93 this man is pretty with it , so much so that his long term primary doctor has said it would be difficult to even say that he has mild cognitive impairment ( vs typical memory loss for his age) .
2 out of 3 of the kids can financially support him if need be but both retired and bottom line any cost to care from him should come from his estate not the families pocket .
My FIL can be easily manipulated by outside sources ( we’ve had to step in on occasion ) but refuses to take any advice from his kids . Like every other month he isn’t talking to one kid and it changes which kid he chooses not to talk with .
There is a living trust that was put in place about 6+ years ago but we still fear in spite of this , that this gal will find a way to wiggle in and take claim to his only asset and should he eventually need long term care , we as a family could not sell his home ( because this lady will take claim as a squatter ) to use money for care or worse he passes and she takes claim . Home is paid in full and valued at about $800-900 thousand .. We do have her # and plan on chatting with her but we unfortunately have seen little things she does such as says , wow your kids don’t spend holidays with you , that’s just not right , Please help
In the meantime I agree with the others if someone could make up
a fib why they need to move in , in order to scare off this would be squatter .
Say your own house is in need of work .
And if no one has POA get that fast before further cognitive tests , otherwise you are looking at trying to get guardianship .
Good Luck .
And who's to say this woman won't claim FIL fathered this child??? Do you think it's impossible? It isn't. He's likely being set up here, giving out "small loans", food, paying for things in advance....but worst of all, being secretive about it! What is he trying to hide?
I very rarely feel super suspicious about a situation like I do this one. Go sit down with an elder care lawyer immediately for good sound advice, please.
Good luck.
Once FIL has a medical diagnosis in his records and an active PoA, then the next decision is what his future care and protection will look like. This woman is an opportunist at best, a seasoned predator at worst. She should be blocked from all communication and a restraining order if at all possible.
FIL's family will not be able to protect him without physically going there and stopping her. PoA needs to happen asap, or guardianship/conservatorship.
You should speak with a certified elder law attorney and figure out a way to get this done, it will put a stop to any deed transfer on the sly.
If she is going to move in, get a contract signed, this will stop any squatters rights or her claiming something else.
The red flags are waving, time to get serious about ensuring dad is protected.
Best of luck.
I agree that it would be a good idea for his children to have POA, however I can see that it could be difficult to persuade him to agree, as he keeps falling out with his children in turn.
If he won't agree to appoint a POA, then it will be imperative to get a dementia diagnosis (I can't believe that his behaviour isn't dementia!) and then apply for guardianship.
Otherwise, your FiL's family have absolutely no power to prevent anyone from inserting themselves into his life and getting their hands on his money.
I read a lot of comments, here, that refer to Elder Law attorneys, and you might find that route helpful.
Otherwise, you just have to hope that, being a short-tempered old man, your FiL gets mad at the noise and chaos of having young children in his house and he falls out with the young woman. I suppose there's always a chance that she isn't scheming, but just vulnerable and glad to be getting looked after - you never know.
I think that family should confront this woman. Make her understand that family is watching and that they have no problem calling APS in if family feels something is going on not quite right. Maybe write up a contract. This can be done if POA is immediate, I would think. That she gets 2 rms. (I say 2 rms because of the law) One for her one for the kids. She will earn a salary, not getting money from Dad all the time. From that salary, she will be responsible for feeding her own children. Only her board is included. She is to get what she can from the State for her baby, like Wick. Support from the fathers. If Dad ends up in a NH or he passes, she will need to leave the house immediately. So, she better, before hand, have a place to move to. This will be signed by POA and the live-in, witnessed and notarized having a lawyer draw it up and signed in lawyer's office. Oh, maybe when she leaves, give her 2 wks severance. Maybe give a timeline, see how it works for 3 monts. If it doesn't, she will be let go. Treat her just like an employee.