She is well able to pay this amount and would be paying over $5000 a month for assisted living if our home was not available. My wife and I are both retired and live on fixed income, and it helps out tremendously. She thinks we are taking advantage. Would appreciate other opinions.
In my family, there was an offer of a salary to take care of my grandmother but even with the offer of money, no one was willing to sacrifice their time and effort for her. She ended up in assisted living. Its a struggle in all families. It depends on so many factors. If the parents are able and willing to pay and the financial status of the kids. Its a tough one.
If she needs extra nursing type care then she can hire the aides herself.
Just because she has the money to pay for assisted living does not necessarily mean she has to pay you so much. After all you agreed to take her in in the first place.
Mom's expenses last month were over $12,000.00. Now isn't it worth keeping them at home and paying a family member for care? If you can get a family member to agree on a lesser amount.
That said, situations vary widely. In the original posting, the situation was that the mom had income and assets such that the $2000/month was easily doable for her, and the daughter could NOT afford any extra expense on her own. Emotions aside, this seems obvious; this is why the mom had assets--to live on, not to hoard and live off a daughter that couldn't afford to support her. It might have been a good idea to check on the cost of private board and care homes in their area to get a feel for an appropriate amount--or even as a possible alternative; this is pretty much as similar a situation as there is. If the mother were broke and the kids had plenty, that's a whole different answer.
If the new living situation works out, you will be providing services that can save your mother from a nursing home admission.
Without a written rental and caregiver agreement, you may be setting yourself up for unnecessary problems.
A Caregiver Contract recognizes and rewards the time and effort that you give to care, shows your mother the tasks and services she is paying for, and it helps to prevent arguments and misunderstandings among other family members who can't or won't help.
Without a written agreement, your mother could be disqualified from Medicaid coverage if she needs nursing home care in the future. Medicaid could consider payments to family members as "disqualifying transfers."
An Elder Law Attorney in your state can prepare a Caregiver Contract that is compliant with Medicaid regulations in your state, to document the compensation and services in a format that your mother would understand now, and that the Medicaid agency would accept in the future.
You can focus your energy on her needs and minimize the impact on your physical health and financial well being if your role is clearly understood. You are performing a valuable service, well worth the compensation.
Here is an article on how Personal Care Agreements Can Compensate Family Caregivers:
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/personal-care-agreements-compensate-family-caregivers-181562.htm
As has been advised consult an elder care lawyer to see what your obligations are. Naturally when Mom needs additional care it will be her responsibility to pay for that if she can.
Another option would be for mom to transfer a sum of money to you when she moves in to cover her for an agreed upon number of years. As long as you keep it seperate for five years and she needs medicaid you won't have to give it back but don't spend it.
I am not sure that having mom pay rent will not be seen as taxable income. I am a Landlord and every penny of rents I recieve is viewed as income.
This was a old post so no doubt a solution has been found by now.
Whatever care she needs now may increase slowly - or suddenly. And time will affect your own energies and health.
Will $2000 cover the cost of a regular or occasional aide? If assisted living is already the only other option, she needs at least a 24-hour/day presence of someone to look after her - perhaps a sitter, or perhaps someone with training; consider that in advance.
Meanwhile, don't overlook the need for socialization - hers, yours, your wife's. You all need to have things to do besides caring and being cared. And all three of you need to see and be with other people on a regular basis - whether every day or every week, depending on how sociable each of you is, what's available (in terms of places, transport, interest).
If her resentment over paying 'rent' (which apparently must include some or a lot of caregiving) cannot be overcome, then be sure there will be many other problems besides the time and care required.
When caregiving a relative, money is only a small portion of the cost and the benefits.
If you do undertake the full-time caregiving, do it with your eyes open.
(I grew up with my grandfather in the home; and I had my mother with me for 3 years, and my mother-in-law for a year. It was right for each of us then - but would not want it for my 'children' or myself now. Visits are precious; full-time living together is very much more complicated.)
Providing a home for such a relative is expensive, even if the house or apartment already meets the needs. Anyone considering taking in a relative should read a lot of the questions and answers provided in AgingCare.com!
It's important to recognize that taking in a relative who needs daily assistance is an enormous responsibility, and an expensive one. Food is a small part of it. If one cannot afford daily aides to help, at least one should find a way to have someone come in regularly to provide respite for the caregiver and a change of pace for the cared-for person. Transportation is or will become a regular essential.
Remember, too, that not only the one needing care ages; so do the caregivers - faster than if they were not doing heavy labor for the cared-for one. The walker must be replaced by a wheelchair. The wheelchair gradually becomes too heavy for the caregiver to lift. Incontinence is a problem for many; some elderly can manage this themselves amazingly well, some need as much help as an infant or toddler, as agility and mental acuity fade.
CARING is the most important ingredient for successful caregiving.
But the needs are so much more!
Lucky relatives who need help and those who want to give it have enough money for a good assisted living (and sometimes eventually a good nursing home) - and the capacity for very regular visits, chances to get away often for an hour or a day, and something to do that's interesting on a regular basis.