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I've been in a similar situation with my Mom for the past couple of years. Mom was driving me crazy being her "go-to" person in the beginning. I wasn't spending any time with my husband because all my free time was taken up by my Mom. I was neglecting other areas of my life too - my job, health, friendships, etc.

I finally decided my Mom's happiness and well being were not my responsibility. It was hers! I took time to figure out what I was willing to do for her and how much time I was willing to spend doing it. I set a schedule for visiting her twice a week and stuck to it. I still have to tell her "no" sometimes and it's hard. But, I'm much happier since I set some boundaries. Having control over my own schedule has made a world of difference.

DO NOT feel guilty about setting boundaries. If you don't, you will end up without your peace of mind, health or your marriage!
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Amen to Barb...absolutely do NOT leave your husband to take care of your mother. You can help to get her live in caregiver or help her get into ALF
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Google Narcissism.

Your mom wants what she wants with no regard for YOUR needs. She cant put anyone but herself first.

She is making a totally unreasonable request of you. You should feel mo guilt in saying " no Mom, I cant possibly do that. I can come and visit ( once a week once a month whatever you CAN) But I cannot be your fulltime caregiver."
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smilingtulip Mar 2019
Thank you. That's what I was feeling yet she makes me feel so guilty. Everytime I leave the house, even though I am helping her she has a terrible time and let's me know about it. She has that way of subtle underlining messages of I can't live without you.
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