Mom won't use a walker. Any advice?
Mom is still able to walk with a cane, but is unsteady and weak. She needs a walker but refuses one, won't listen to the doctor, or anyone. She refuses to admit she needs more help, won't use the elevator, and has fallen a couple of times already. Since she has a 5 minute memory, I'm sure she has fallen many more times but doesn't remember or won't tell us. I can't count the number of times one of us has caught her when she has lost her balance. She won't use a life alert necklace and would just take it off and hide it somewhere. We are out of options, she takes no advice and we have finally accepted this is her choice. Its been a hard thing for us knowing she is going to fall sooner than later and die, or end up bedridden for the rest of her life. I cringe every time the phone rings.
To update those of you who didn't know the circumstances: Mom did quite well in AL for 8 months, was very independent and self cared pretty well. Her quality of life was good, but she still complained constantly about everything and wouldn't cooperate or ask for help. I visited often, ironed her clothes, brought her goodies, etc. The doctor said she was amazingly healthy and had nothing wrong with her except she ate badly and would fall if she didn't use the walker.
Finally, in November, she fell for the umpteenth time, as we knew she would and the AL staff said she had to leave AL as she was not able to walk safely. She ended up in a NH and received PT for about 6 weeks, but despite their efforts, she had no more balance left and due to refusing to eat and falls, was weak and had to remain there.
What happened is just what we prayed would not happen. She was unhappy and had to be sedated because she kept getting up out of bed and wheelchair despite their efforts and 24/7 oversight. Even then, the doctor said she had strong heart, lungs and vitals and was capable of recovering to some degree. They called her the "energizer bunny" and swore they had never seen anyone with such a strong will.
Sadly, the last fall when she sneaked out of bed right after they checked on her in the night, she fractured her pelvis and broke her arm. She lived bedridden on morphine for the last two months of her life, the only way they could keep her down. With that she slowly faded away. It was terrible to watch.
Yes, we wish the end could have been different and she had simply gone to sleep one night rather than the path it took. She was so healthy she would have had a couple more years, except for the fall!
they listened and both resorted to the walker after a fall or two .
one day before mom passed away she came wheeling out of the bedroom using a large , swivel office chair as a walker. her walker was sitting in the bedroom but she used the big chair instead. i dont know what she was thinking but it was sure a comical sight..
dementia is rough . trying to think like the patient does will warp your head.
aunt is getting pretty late stage now and i still communicate with her pretty well but we do go in circles..
Wow. that must be really hard. I congratulate you.
If Mom were, say, 81, then attempting to get guardianship and making decisions in her best interest than she no longer is capable of might be a better course. A person with dementia beyond the very earliest stage should not be living alone. But at 99 just accepting her decisions might be best. She is going to die of something, soon.
You are doing all for her that you can and that she will accept without force. I hope you can feel good about that, and avoid feeling guilty about things beyond your control.
Again, if it weren't for her extreme age, I would be in favor of protecting her from her own demented decisions. I imagine others will give you advice about involving APS or Social Services and/or seeking guardianship. I wouldn't argue against those things. But I respect your decision under the circumstances. Peace to you.