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My Mom "lies" a lot too. But I do believe she believes what she is saying. I think she gets lost in her own thoughts and mind sometimes and then believes what she thought really happened.Its like "oh I think I'll make dinner" But you don't make dinner but if someone asks "oh yes I made a great dinner tonight" Its like a disconnect between what she is thinking and actual reality.
{Q}My mom does this selectively. I found that when I ignore the lie, I am calmer and she is more fired up and I get the satisfaction of knowing she didn't succeed in getting under my skin. I've called her on it and then we argue and there is no winning so I choose to ignore. She lies about me to others, but everyone who matters knows it's not true and those who believe her aren't with my time.{EQ}
you're going to have to "absorb" a lot worse behavior.
As long as you expect her to react to situations the way you do, you'll be frustrated, angry, and miserable.
If mom was always a fibber, then lying albeit annoying is normal. If mom has dementia and misstates or misrepresents facts that is normal. Personality CHANGES are the red flags
even pathalogical lies arent necessarily an intent to decieve . the thoughts just dont take the proper " paths " thru the brain . short circuits if you will .. me building the pyramids and the taj mahal ? now THOSE are lies equivalent to pi**in on your back and telling you its raining..
My mom does this selectively. I found that when I ignore the lie, I am calmer and she is more fired up and I get the satisfaction of knowing she didn't succeed in getting under my skin. I've called her on it and then we argue and there is no winning so I choose to ignore. She lies about me to others, but everyone who matters knows it's not true and those who believe her aren't with my time.
Thank you all. I say her mind isn't slipping and I was wrong to say that cause she def has some slippage. I guess I meant, she has been manipulative all my life and I'm just now realizing it since I have not been around her much since I was a kid living with her. So it's all like a big Ah-Ha for me. It's such a quick answer she gives to any question almost as if she feels "no" would be the "wrong" answer.... It's just frustrating and hard to see your parent be like this. I'm glad there is this group to help sort it out and know I'm not the only one....
Confabulations are a major annoyance - when listeners take everything at face value, no matter how false their statements. The danger is when banks, adult protective services, police, friends, family, and other listeners take everything our loved ones say at face value and react based on the statements. Know that confabulating is distinct from lying because there is no intent to deceive. The statements can be coherent, internally consistent, and reasonable.
Be aware there are similarities between confabulation and delusions; e.g., both involve unintentional false statements. Realize delusions are frequently observed in Alzheimer's patients may include beliefs about theft, the patient's house not being his home, a spouse, is an impostor, belief an intruder is in the house, abandonment, spousal infidelity, and paranoia. visit http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confabulation
Confabulating is distinct from lying because first there is no intent to deceive, second the person being unaware that the information is blatantly false. Confabulating can be coherent, internally consistent, and reasonable...despite clearly contradicting evidence. Your challenge: is what they say true?
you guys are both WILD. Each in your own way though.
seriously, sort of, its often what's called confabulation - your brain makes up a story to explain stuff or fill in the ever-widening gaps, and it no longer lets you sort out reality from dream or fantasy with any degree of accuracy. People can be actually unaware they are unable to see and think they are seeing, and most people are unaware their memory is the problem, hence all the accusations of stuff being stolen, etc. If someone did not habitually lie all the time before I would very much tend to think this is what's going on rather than deliberate lying.
dusty , i think your BS is just good , free entertainment. i like it. yes i think that old age and dementia exascerbate the existing character flaws -- BUT -- i think jeanne has a great point about memories getting mixed up . ive seen aunt lose complete decades of her memories while memories from further back remain pretty intact. jeanne knows a lot about the various types of dementia and their medical causes. id listen to her before calling in an exorcist.
To me, lying implies intent to deceive. Your profile says that Mom has dementia. People with dementia often (OFTEN) say things that are not true, but without the intent to deceive. They cannot tell reality from fiction from fantasy. Captain's aunt probably believed (at least at the moment she said it) that he had refused to get her a milkshake. Probably she has real memories of being refused a milkshake -- not necessarily by Captain, and not necessarily in this decade -- and her memories are all mixed up.
Something very real and very physical is going on in your mom's brain. Maybe it is a buildup of particular proteins that don't belong there, or tangles, or plaques, or atrophy, or dying cells. Different kinds of dementia have different manifestations. This is clearly visible upon autopsy. Having something strange going on in the brain causes strange behaviors. I don't know how you can say that "it's not her mind slipping." If she has dementia, her mind is definitely not "normal."
Don't believe her without checking things out, especially accusations against others, but don't conclude she is deliberately "lying" when she says something that isn't true.
Dementia is a very difficult disease to cope with! -- for the person who has it and also the family.
its normal with dementia, which many elders suffer with. i just learned tonight that i refused to stop so my aunt could get a milkshake last week. its comical once the whole family understands that its all malarky . pretty destructive before they " get " it ..
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
you're going to have to "absorb" a lot worse behavior.
As long as you expect her to react to situations the way you do, you'll be frustrated, angry, and miserable.
me building the pyramids and the taj mahal ? now THOSE are lies equivalent to pi**in on your back and telling you its raining..
Be aware there are similarities between confabulation and delusions; e.g., both involve unintentional false statements. Realize delusions are frequently observed in Alzheimer's patients may include beliefs about theft, the patient's house not being his home, a spouse, is an impostor, belief an intruder is in the house, abandonment, spousal infidelity, and paranoia.
visit http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confabulation
Confabulating is distinct from lying because first there is no intent to deceive, second the person being unaware that the information is blatantly false. Confabulating can be coherent, internally consistent, and reasonable...despite clearly contradicting evidence.
Your challenge: is what they say true?
seriously, sort of, its often what's called confabulation - your brain makes up a story to explain stuff or fill in the ever-widening gaps, and it no longer lets you sort out reality from dream or fantasy with any degree of accuracy. People can be actually unaware they are unable to see and think they are seeing, and most people are unaware their memory is the problem, hence all the accusations of stuff being stolen, etc. If someone did not habitually lie all the time before I would very much tend to think this is what's going on rather than deliberate lying.
it aint hell bent. the proper terminology is whiskey bent and hell bound..
i think your BS is just good , free entertainment. i like it.
yes i think that old age and dementia exascerbate the existing character flaws -- BUT -- i think jeanne has a great point about memories getting mixed up . ive seen aunt lose complete decades of her memories while memories from further back remain pretty intact. jeanne knows a lot about the various types of dementia and their medical causes. id listen to her before calling in an exorcist.
Something very real and very physical is going on in your mom's brain. Maybe it is a buildup of particular proteins that don't belong there, or tangles, or plaques, or atrophy, or dying cells. Different kinds of dementia have different manifestations. This is clearly visible upon autopsy. Having something strange going on in the brain causes strange behaviors. I don't know how you can say that "it's not her mind slipping." If she has dementia, her mind is definitely not "normal."
Don't believe her without checking things out, especially accusations against others, but don't conclude she is deliberately "lying" when she says something that isn't true.
Dementia is a very difficult disease to cope with! -- for the person who has it and also the family.