Mom, 93 years, recently moved to Florida to live near my sister, though she is still in the same cramped apartment while Mom's is being prepped. Mom wants alcohol every day, early on, and sister gives her as little as possible. No more wine, as she gets really weepy with that. She wants vodka! Sister adds water and gives her bits. This leads to morose behavior, martyrdom, tears and great negativity. Sister tries to divert attention from alcohol to activities, but sister needs a life, too. Should mention that Mom suffers from a heavy case of narcissism and a fair amount of dementia. She has done seriously damaging things to family members and burned bridges with friends.
Anyone have suggestions? How to get her off the sauce? How to distract her?
Mom is self-medicating her depression would be my non-professional guess.
But if this NEW behaviour, I'd discuss with her Doctor.
If I was your Sster I would say No to any alcohol.
The question to ask is: What is stopping your Sister from saying no? 🤔
What I *would* say is..
I will not serve you alcohol, unless under a Doctor's order. (Eg slow withdrawal)
If you are able to walk to shops without me to buy it - go ahead.
If you want to have a tantrum about it - go ahead.
If you want me to set up a Doctor appointment to discuss why you feel like you need alcohol - I will.
If you want to talk to someone about feeling sad, or low - I will listen. I will also find someone professional to listen.
Adjusting to old age IS tough!
Setting boundaries with tantrum throwers is also hard 🙃
A friend 's family had to do this very thing with 90 something Father afters few rounds of hospital-rehab-home, He was losing control of his ordered life, losing the power to boss his family around & he knew it! So more drinking + more bossing, (depression too).
Family then said a Firm No - for his safety.
That's my suggestion.
Best of luck.
"pick up the luggage" by trying to cure things.
Mom won't be getting off the sauce I think. I would suggest a few visits to al-anon, where you will get support and be able to speak with people who have "been there and done this". My best to you. For Mom, my biggest worry isn't the vodka, but a fall resultant.